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I am 23 yrs old and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I have not ever been able to reach orgasm during sex. I haven't ever even come close. I can see that it frustrates him and makes him feel like less of a man because he feels like he is doing something wrong when in fact he is working his butt off. Please could you tell me what I'm doing wrong and how to fix this problem. It really is putting strain on our relationship. :(
If you can reach orgasm through masturbation you can orgasm through oral or penetration.
For some woman being in the right position helps,being on top gives you control over pressure,speed and depth.
Make sure you get lots of foreplay,and relax.
Stressing about not reaching orgasm makes it worse.
Explore different positions,maybe introduce sex toys,and role play.
MOST women cannot orgasm from penetration alone.
THAT thinking is insane.
That's like telling a guy you're going to make him orgasm JUST from touching his balls. Yeah, it feels good, but the nerve endings that lead to orgasm are just NOT THERE.
Try touching your clitoris during sex, or having him do so.
You are the expert and I bow to your knowledge!Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
I have always thought that woman with enough practice could orgasm through penetration,I have learned something. Thank you.
Does he give you oral sex? A lot of women say they are more likely to orgasm through oral sex than penetration. Plus you need to spend a lot of time on foreplay... working out what feels good and what gets you going. Its all about the build up!
Relax... have fun practicing!
You can also try what I usually need to do. DURING the acually pentitration, masterbating at the same time, or using a bullet at the same time. The feeling of him inside you, WHILE you orgasm from your clitoris, can feel amazing and you may enjoy it.
Good luck hon.
My two best friends and I have been having this conversation for the last 11 years. I orgasm if I sneeze, one girlfriend has never had an orgasm during sex, and our third girlfriend has recently started praising warming lubricants because they have helped her tremendously.
I'm agreeing with the clitoral stimulation already suggested. Those little nerve clusters can be your best friend. You could also try the little ring he can wear that has a small vibe attached to it. Small vibrating toys that don't interfere too much, or even a lot, can be exciting and fun. Just be aware that you aren't alone in this, and keep on experimenting until you find out what works for you.
I also forgot to mention, there is a cream in sex stores called X-tacy. It's a cream that when put on the clitoris, it tingles and can help increase the sensation.
Unfortunately, it is often up to the will of strong, demanding, knowledgeable women to educate men about sex and what pleasures a woman most. You don't come with manuals and we are mostly clueless about many things, even when we really have good intentions.
To complicate things, not every woman likes the same thing.
Perhaps its an overgeneralization, but most men get off with some version of "push, pull, repeat"... sure, you can add some flourishes... but the drawing of the skin back and forth over the shaft and head seems to do the trick for most men, no matter the method.
Honestly, even when I thought I had half a clue about coreplay, foreplay, skin sensitization, etc on a woman, I still didn't get how to not go to the cl!toris too soon... which is almost as bad as never going there.
Too soon and its painful for many, an overstimulation.
So...
He needs to understand that darwin was a little wrong or that God has a sense of humor.
The cl!toris has twice the nerve density as the penis, in a much smaller area. And it doesn't get much stim in many positions.
Sure... we can talk all day about penetration and the g spot... but I can tell you this... and I've said it over and over so much that the reg's here are likely tired of hearing it...
If you put a gun to my head and tell me to get you off, I will not focus on missionary, or even just penetration in other positions.
Oral would be the first choice, penetration in a position (like woman on top) where she has control would be next with wet finger stim (hers or mine, whatever works) at her cl!toris... and much of the time I think its better for the woman to do this with the man inside her.
It is NOT an assault on his manhood or his sexuality. Its anatomy.
Tell him to think about someplace he likes you to kiss. His ears? His neck? Someplace that gets him hard and aroused. Your teeth tugging at his earlobes? Your tongue exploring his?
He will likely admit these zones exist and hope that you continue to explore them...
Not all errogenous zones are between the legs, and the cl!toris doesn't get much stim in many positions without some "self help"...
So... my advice to you, no matter who you are with, is to not be afraid to self explore and to accept that penetration alone often doesn't get a woman over the top.
And don't forget... your biggest errogenous zone is often your mind. If you aren't losing yourself in the moment, if you are distracted, worried about performance, worried about getting caught, worried about pregnancy, etc... it's a mental block that can hold you back.
Buy two books... ian kerners She Comes First (a thinking mans guide to pleasuring a woman), and the second He Comes Next. Present this as a sex exploration set.
It isn't "icky reading"... it isn't a sex bible... like I said, every woman I've loved has liked different things, or different pressures, or different positions... but if you buy both, probably available cheap on Amazon or other online resellers, you can get info you need about your own body...
And hopefully he will too. And then the "prize" for him is once he gets through "your" book, he gets to find things in his that'll maybe trip his trigger.
A man who is bad in bed isn't necessarily a lost cause. A man who is bad in bed and unwilling to learn, listen, and explore... well... ick to that noise.
You are my hero. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
I may have been open-minded and willing to learn and read and educate myself, but most of what I've learned has come from strong, naughty women who'd put me to the wall.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chey5782
Danke for the post, though. Made my day.
It's a completely different topic area, but there is a saying that sometimes women get frustrated with the man they divorce when he becomes the man he needed to be to save the marriage only after its over.
Meaning only after he has lost everything does he change his ways, often for the better... not always... but enough that it's a shame we can't find middle ground when in the middle of it all...
Crap. Its too early in the week to get all philosophical. At least not without a cold glass of pinot grigio almost emptied.
Sorry... I never say the short answer... "thanks" wouldve been enough.
Synnen agrees: I'm strong and naughty....and is that a wall over there? Let's find out!
I could say so much here but it isn't the naughty adult boards so I won't say a thing, but I can think up a storm.
Here, back on topic-ish... I have one awesome bed I love to death. Just fantastic. I have three others throughout the house, in guest rooms, but none of them match the comfyness and the "right height" for fun in the bedroom.
Not sure how that gets us back on topic to the OP'er...
Uh... just looked at the OP and noticed the "working his butt off" comment...
Honestly, sometimes less is more. The reason oral can be so good on a woman is when a man can take time, be a billion times more patient than he is wired to be, be willing to apply much less pressure than he thinks you need, and be deliberate in his path... it makes a difference... in my experience.
And, like I said, I did A LOT of things poorly or wrong before I did them "right"...
Until a lover said "lick here" and I understood how stim at the labia drew her closer to being ready for cl!toral stim... well... I had NO idea.
Some researchers thing the cl!toral complex isn't just a "love button"... but a complex of nerves that includes the labia and even the potential g spot (which is still, after over 50 years of talk, in dispute... some women respond to stim there, some do not)...
k.
Forgot my end point. Was talking about sex with cute girls. It happens.
What's wrong with sex with not so cute girls? Hahaha I hear some of them can be pretty wild because they have to work harder at keeping wandering eyes back where they belong.
Also, have you ever tried Ben Wa balls? They can be inserted and used during intercourse, and can be very interesting along with penetration. If you have never used them, assuming that you haven't. Try using them a couple of times before you use them with a partner, that way you can practice taking them out,( this is done by flexing your inner wall). They are great for exercising too. Read about them online before trying them out though, they aren't for everyone.
While I might have some primal likes concerning appearance... two of the sexiest things a woman can have is confidence and interest in me. More than one lover was someone I liked well enough, but her interest and her forwardness pushed it from being a distant like to "i need to do something about this"...Quote:
Originally Posted by Chey5782
So... make no mistake about it... "cute girl" takes many forms and shapes... and id rather be with a confident woman who is willing to seek out what she needs than one who is
Pretty" but hasnt a clue.
reminds me of the greeting card from a few years past... a young 20 something hunk of guy on the cover, tanned and waxed clean and shirtless... front side said "remember... no matter how good he looks"
the inside continued "somewhere, somebody is TIRED of putting up with his sh!t"
My partner laughed out loud. I didn't think it was that funny. Girls are weird like that.
;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
HAHAHAHAHA that's hilarious! Mainly because I get it. I'm the opposite... I married mine because he was soooo deliciously corruptible. *wicked evil grin*
You are a dangerous woman to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chey5782
Just saying it like it is.
*sigh*
...
...
*sigh again*
Crap. This isn't the AMHD "naughty boards" where I can ask what color bra you are wearing.
That would be wrong.
Is it Friday yet?
No?
Damnnnnnit.
OMG... is that you, nicole?Quote:
Originally Posted by Chey5782
The girl who worked for the DEA and had "sniper vision"??
Tight pants and a sneeze could do her right big time. Not always there, but good enough to push me into an alley.
She was mean to me, but man... she was fun.
I could never work for the DEA, my past is far too questionable! What is this adult board... where can I get one?!Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
Okay... I know I was bad and led you down the garden path---but get back on topic or I'll have to delete posts.
There is a sex toy known as a coc* ring that I have heard works well for clitoral stimulation.
I have a friend who refuses sex without it.
Let him know it is not him,it is the female anatomy that he is working against.
You can also try lying on your back ,keeping your legs somewhat closed and have him push down from the top of your clitoris to your vagina repeatedly reentering and going back up to the top again..
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