Ask Me Help Desk - In love for more than 9 years

I was shocked!
It happened before one year, and it is repeated last week!

The Subject: I’m in love with my husband from more than 9 years, we have been married for 3 years, we love each other ,he adores me and I feel sometimes that he even loves me more than I do, through his feeling, behavior, love, attraction and ….
We are very happy in our life time, going on with our plans and programs…
From more than 20 months, my husband caught his old friend on the net; she was with him at the school from more than 15 years, married and living with her husband and children. They began chatting, and from day to another he started to tell me her stories , about her life.. he was very happy that he found one of his old friends
After few months I felt that there is something wrong through that chatting, I found some love emails from her ….got very angry, I thought that my husband started to like her, but in reality I trust him, I know that I’m the only woman in his life, but what was the issue? I want to know!
We had a big discussion, he promised not to talk to her anymore, he knows that she is in love with him, but he doesn’t care, he is just helping her in solving her problems and considering her as a true friend!
Last week, i.e. after one year of the above discussion, I’ve read an email from her, stating: I Love you, so I was really shocked, what is this? Why? I really trust him, what is the fact beyond this story!
We had a fight; he insured that he is only solving her problems, even she is in love with him, he doesn’t care, and he didn’t notice that it was a big issue, he is trying to be good in helping others, but they fall in love with him, so what is his mistake? He likes to be liked by women!he is not doing anything wrong!

I want to know the feedback from the ladies if they were in my place, what was the reaction? And the action?

Thanks

Do you have any other reasons to not trust them talking? Like was there anything like we need to get together? Do they live near enough that he could possibly be seeing her?

Often woman will form an emotional bond with their psychologist like this even. Also many women and younger kids get emotionally attached to people on the internet and she has one advantage they don't because she went with him years ago so she already has a mental image of him and the things she remembers about him.

You need to keep an eye on him and a shut mouth. Watch for red flags. The more you get on him about it the more secretive he will be and the more you will give him an excuse to be chased into her arms.

It's not as important what she says, as what he says. Since you read the emails, I'm guessing it's just a one-way love? She says that she loves your husband, but did your husband ever say it back?

The most important question you have to ask yourself is, do you trust your husband's words?

1) If you don't trust your husband, then it doesn't matter how the other woman feels. Because no trust = no marriage. In this case, you will have to consider marriage counselling to repair the trust. Otherwise, it will be a divorce.

2) If you trust him, then tell him what you want. Do you want him to continue being friends with this woman? Do mind if he continues to help her out? If you don't mind, let him know that you would appreciate it if he was more open about his communication with this other woman, so that you know what's going on.

But communication is key. Now that you know what he wants, you should tell him what you want and find a compromise.

I don't think that it's healthy for this woman that he's communicating with to be 'in love' with someone that is unavailable.

I understand that he's trying to help her with her problems, but perhaps some part of him is flattered by her declarations of affection and it makes him feel needed. However, it's not appropriate for a married man to be communicating with other women that tell him they love him. He should care about this, because essentially he's leading her to believe that saying these things is OK. It's not OK that women fall in love with him!

I would have a long talk with him - not the arguments or fights that you've described - and ask him what is really going on. I suspect that he either needs to cut of contact totally with this woman or be very clear that he doesn't love her and that he's married to you.

He's playing a dangerous game, and I agree with N0help4u, you should keep a watchful eye on him. He has in fact, broken your trust by communicating with her again when he told you he wouldn't.

The most effective way:
Please send her email and ask to stop talking to your husband just in front of your husband (with his agreement). Nobody has that nerve to keep talking to someone else's husband when his wife asked to stop it. Please do not be an invisible person. You are his wife. You stop it if they cannot do it by themselves. Period. Keep working on your marriage, and reward him with full attention. He needs more attntion form you. He wants to be wanted romantically now.

We are all adults here. You don't want to be a untrusting wife but then again you don't want to be a mushroom in the forest either. If he insists on continuing his conversations with her tell him that you should be included and sit down together and help her solve her problems. Make sure in the email to her that he says something like "my wife and I are wanting to help you as a team". If he has a problem with this then you know he is up to something that you wouldn' t approve of. If he says cool honey lets help her together then he's trustworthy. Once the other woman finds out that you marriage is solid like that and that you are including in reading the emails she'll probably stop the inappropriate talk.

What would I do?

I'd put a stop to it- flat out. No good can come, in my opinion, of a man having a 'friendship' where the friend freely admits being 'in love' with him, and he knows it!

Insist that he just stop it already!

There is a problem with a married man, solving another married mans' wife's problems.

She should be talking to her own husband, not yours.

He isn't helping; he is enabling her to think that it is okay and acceptable to contact him and do the boo hoo and I love you crap.

No ifs ands or buts, it has to stop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

What would I do?

I'd put a stop to it- flat out. No good can come, in my opinion, of a man having a 'friendship' where the friend freely admits being 'in love' with him, and he knows it!

Insist that he just stop it already!

There is a problem with a married man, solving another married mans' wife's problems.

She should be talking to her own husband, not yours.

He isn't helping; he is enabling her to think that it is okay and acceptable to contact him and do the boo hoo and I love you crap.

No ifs ands or buts, it has to stop.

This thread was from July,so I hope they have gotten it together by now :rolleyes:
The OP did not resurrect it so who knows?
Good advice anyway :D

Lol, thanks ArtLady.

Steam was coming out of my ears, and fire out of my nose. Didn't check the date lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

lol, thanks ArtLady.

Steam was coming out of my ears, and fire out of my nose. Didn't check the date lol

You and me both! I have answered ones "am I in labor" that are months old,I never bother to look when I see the "AHH am I in labor" Thing.
I get you!;)