Ask Me Help Desk - My dad has been dead for 4 years

As I say my dad died 4 years ago when I was 14 and I haven't stopped crying. He was an illustrator so worked from home and we were really close, we spoke about everything, we had mature conversations about politics and the meaning of life for example all the way through my childhood, and I miss them. My question is when on earth am I going to accept his death, I still deny it often and wonder if there's a way that it didn't happen.

Hi, anna333!

Yes, his death did happen. It can be really hard accepting that. You're not alone with those sort of feelings. My mom and dad have now been gone for decades. I still wish that they were here to see what is happening in my life. I would really like to share things with them...

Because of my religious beliefs, and things that I've experienced personally, I believe that we'll all meet again someday.

What are some beliefs that you have about what happens to us when we die, please? Also, do you have a number of friends with whom you can share your thoughts?

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by anna333

As i say my dad died 4 years ago when i was 14 and i havn't stopped crying. He was an illustrator so worked from home and we were really close, we spoke about everything, we had mature conversations about politics and the meaning of life for example all the way through my childhood, and i miss them. My question is when on earth am i going to accept his death, i still deny it often and wonder if there's a way that it didn't happen.

Unfortunately - and I lost my husband - it takes a very long time to stop crying, to accept a death. Denial is simply a stage of grief that sometimes some people have to pass through. The entire first year I honestly thought he would step through the door, that there was some terrible mistake. What if, what if, what if?

I think sometimes your mind doesn't accept the truth because if it did, you wouldn't be able to survive. When I say "your mind" I also mean "my mind."

If religion gives you comfort, take that route.

When will you accept his death? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Maybe never. I am well aware that my husband is gone from me but there are days when I simply don't know how I am going to go on.

Grief is a fierce emotion, unlike any other emotion, and we all have to find our own way.

My wish for you is peace -

I'm so sorry.

To answer your questions (Clough) I would love to believe he is some where, but I have little faith :| I have ideas of what happens after life, like I imagine that life is a lesson and we leave when we have learned everything we need to... the afterlife is therefore life after graduation sort of thing... I don't have many people to talk to no, we grew apart I guess I need to make more friends, but I don't know if people like to talk about that sort of thing.

Anyway I suppose I shall have to wait then until I get over it, I hope I do one day... I'm sorry to hear about that (JudyKayTee) I fear that as well, like once a death has happened it makes you think life is so easily taken.

Thanks

I'm so sorry for your loss.
When I lost my brother to cancer I had a very difficult time accepting it,he was more like a father than an older brother and my grief had to be put on hold so I could help my Mom.

What helped me was knowing that he would not want me to be so grief stricken,he would want me to remember what a special relationship we had and he would want me to live my life according to the example he set for me.

I found that writing to him in my journal,just about my daily activities,was a comfort.

For that brief time,I could almost know what he would have said and I felt closer to him.

I think talking to others who have experienced the same thing is of great benefit.

I see you are from London and I have found a link that will take you to a site where there is information about group meetings for bereaved teens in your area.

I hope this will help you,I think it is worth checking out.

I am sure you Father would want you to enjoy this very important time in your life.

Talking to other kids your age may be a great release for you. I wish you the very best.

Youth Information Death and bereavement

Quote:

Originally Posted by anna333

To answer your questions (Clough) I would love to believe he is some where, but i have little faith :| I have ideas of what happens after life, like i imagine that life is a lesson and we leave when we have learned everything we need to...the afterlife is therefore life after graduation sorta thing....I don't have many people to talk to no, we grew apart i guess i need to make more friends, but i don't know if people like to talk about that sorta thing.

Anyway I suppose I shall have to wait then until i get over it, i hope i do one day... I'm sorry to hear about that (JudyKayTee) I fear that as well, like once a death has happened it makes you think life is so easily taken.

Thanks

Hi again, anna333!

Would you be willing to explore what a religious organization that is nearby to you has to say about life and death? You no doubt would also find support for yourself within such an organization.

Thanks!

Thank you, it's true I actually have done the same, I wrote him letters almost hoping that some how he could read them.
I am open minded so I would like to talk to others and learn about other religions and beliefs.
Thanks again

You should do whatever brings you comfort and peace. If writing letters works for you, that's a good plan; if looking into religion works for you, that's a good plan.

What were your father's religious beliefs? Sometimes following his beliefs concerning his death is a comfort.