As I say my dad died 4 years ago when I was 14 and I haven't stopped crying. He was an illustrator so worked from home and we were really close, we spoke about everything, we had mature conversations about politics and the meaning of life for example all the way through my childhood, and I miss them. My question is when on earth am I going to accept his death, I still deny it often and wonder if there's a way that it didn't happen.