Ask Me Help Desk - How do I understand her

Edited for chat speak, and spelling

Hey I took this girl out for a date, she is extremely rich and she is never gone out with

Anyone before, she was very happy and all but next day she says she wants to end it but

Somehow I managed to take it further and we used to go for walks like 10kms chat like hours

On the phone and keep messaging and suddenly she says stuff like we both are very similar so

We can't be happy together(but I told her that's because v both are neither like friends nor as a

Couple that's why its like that), then she says what if you find another girl and then leave me,and

Yet she keeps irritating and psyching me if I ask her why you do that she says she loves the

Way I express when I'm angry, she has told me twice she doesn't want to take it any further and

Doesn't want to speak on phone for a long time but even after that when ever we speak we will end

Up speaking for an hour or 2, and she acts differently like every alternative days.. and she

Says something weird,she feels like I really don't love her... but I've never found myself in

Love as much as I do with her I just can't stop thinking about her... im getting frustrated...

Help me... it would be the best thing... I just can't understand her...

You need to ask her in a serious manner if she is truly serious when she says she wants you to leave her alone.

If she says yes then you need to respect her wishes.

You can't make someone want to be with you and you should never have to beg someone for attention or affection.

Find someone who will respect your feelings and not someone who likes to play with your emotions.

Can I ask why you refer to her as "extremely rich" ?
Does this really matter if you love this girl as you say you do?

Ok this girl has not had many relationships and maybe this is even her first so she is being wary. There is nothing wrong with treading carefully and taking things at a slow pace.

Maybe her parents are strict ? - meaning the limatation of phone calls etc??

She has stated she is not happy to take the relationship to the nest stage which is pleasing considering you are having problems already , you def need to sort out these trust and do you love me or don't you before embarking onto the next stage.

I think the best advice would be to pack up a basket of food and take the girl for a nice walk and sit and have a picnic and approach her with your worries over your relationship.

Don't push her for more or you will push her away. She is stuck on what ifs and what abouts so you just take it one day at a time until she feels comfortable and overcomes her objections. She is trying to formulate what she thinks a relationship should be rather than going with the flow.

Play your cards right. Respect her wishes if she doesn't want long chats offer to let her go after every 20 minutes or so. Show her you are being considerate.

You're confused because she's making it very difficult for you to try anything with her. That's called playing games, and believe me, they're not fun. Why do you insist on sticking around when she pushes you away and draws you back in?

She's pushing for a reason and she (for some reason) isn't telling you why... She will hurt you if you go too deep. I think it's best to stay away from this one, for good.

Edited for spelling

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma-Louise

Can I ask why you refer to her as "extremely rich" ?
Does this really matter if you love this girl as you say you do?

Ok this girl has not had many relationships and maybe this is even her first so she is being wary. There is nothing wrong with treading carefully and taking things at a slow pace.

Maybe her parents are strict ? - meaning the limatation of phone calls etc ???

She has stated she is not happy to take the relationship to the nest stage which is pleasing considering you are having problems already , you def need to sort out these trust and do you love me or don't you before embarking onto the next stage.

I think the best advice would be to pack up a basket of food and take the girl for a nice walk and sit and have a picnic and approach her with your worries over your relationship.

I feel is her behaviour is due to the money she has

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma-Louise

Can I ask why you refer to her as "extremely rich" ?
Does this really matter if you love this girl as you say you do?

Ok this girl has not had many relationships and maybe this is even her first so she is being wary. There is nothing wrong with treading carefully and taking things at a slow pace.

Maybe her parents are strict ? - meaning the limatation of phone calls etc ???

She has stated she is not happy to take the relationship to the nest stage which is pleasing considering you are having problems already , you def need to sort out these trust and do you love me or don't you before embarking onto the next stage.

I think the best advice would be to pack up a basket of food and take the girl for a nice walk and sit and have a picnic and approach her with your worries over your relationship.

Yea she keeps saying stuff like u don't know my parents, and as far as I know she is not he kind of girl who plays games.. (hopefully) the way she comes across is like she wants to know why is it so... and when she is with me she shows most of the flirting signs but sometimes not

There are a lot of things that go on behind closed doors among the rich. There could be problems that her parents have had in thier own relationship that she has grown up with and is very cautous when it comes to her own. Or also among the rich, her parents may have a preference for whom they want her to date and eventually marry. Right or wrong she has grown up in a totally different culture and even though she may have feelings for you, she may not want to disappoint her parents if they have cultured her in the types of men they want her to date. It does come down to money and status with rich people.

It may not be her at fault at all, she may be wanting to please her parents. I kind of get that when she told you that you don't know her parents. And if you haven't lived the lifestyle that she has growing up and even now, it is hard to understand why money is set highly above love and happiness. It has a lot to do with status. I know that it doesn't seem right or fair but it is a totally different world

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janmarie

There are a lot of things that go on behind closed doors among the rich. There could be problems that her parents have had in thier own relationship that she has grown up with and is very cautous when it comes to her own. Or also among the rich, her parents may have a preference for whom they want her to date and eventually marry. Right or wrong she has grown up in a totally different culture and even though she may have feelings for you, she may not want to disappoint her parents if they have cultured her in the types of men they want her to date. It does come down to money and status with rich people.

It may not be her at fault at all, she may be wanting to please her parents. I kind of get that when she told you that you don't know her parents. And if you haven't lived the lifestyle that she has growing up and even now, it is hard to understand why money is set highly above love and happiness. It has a lot to do with status. I know that it doesn't seem right or fair but it is a totally different world

What do you think I should be doing.. help no clue... she has like the best qualities a girl should ever have and I don't want to loose her..

Just because you like the girl doesn't mean she feels the same way, for whatever reasons she may give you. That's not important at all, because she has told you what she wants you to know.

Quote:

she has told me twice she doesn't want to take it any further and doesn't want to speak on phone for a long time

That's where you need to respect her wishes.

Quote:

but even after that when ever we speak we will end up speaking for an hour or 2, and she acts differently like every alternative days.. and she

I suspect she needs your friendship, without the couples thing that you want. Clearly she is confused and needs time to process her feelings.

Quote:

she feels like I really don't love her... but I've never found myself in love as much as I do with her I just can't stop thinking about her... im getting frustrated...

Those 2 hr talks help nothing and keep you in a state of mind that there is hope she will change her mind.

You must let go of false hope, and get your own feelings under control, to see the reality of your situation.

Back off all that contact, fella, or those feeling you have will continue to be stirred up in you, and you'll stay confused.

She may be "all that" to you but it still doesn't change the fact that she told you that she doesn't want this relationship. Whatever her reasons may be that is how she feels right now.

I know that you hate the thought of not being with her in the way that you want to but she requested it and you must honor it no matter how painful it feels at this moment.

My advice on this one is to accept what is. Trying to hard to hold onto this relationship that is in your head will only push her completely away from you. If you both want each other in your lives and you both agree that you want to remain in a friendship. Then that is better then not having them in your life at all. But you both have to want that.

And you can't be stupid about it and be friends with the intent to have a relationship, you have to literally just be friends with no ulterior motives in your mind.

This is a quote from a good friend of mine

Start your every day with getting in touch
with your heart and your potential and/or
your history of accomplishment.

Don't chase after her - wait for the ones
who care enough to come after you. Spend
the same energy that you would spend thinking
about someone who's not wanting a relationship with you - on working
on yourself. You have plenty to do every day
to live your life and make it the best it can
be.

When someone tell you upfront about what they don't want listen to them instead of trying to change their mind. In the end your be the one to get hurt but it will be your fault because you chose not to listen to her words due to your feelings. Wise up!

Threads merged but NOT edited, sounds like a rerun of the original

There is this girl whom I took out for a date and she was losing interest in me because I seemed too needy and jealous but then I gave her a love note, I wrote a poem for her and she loved it she told it's the sweetest thing she is ever come across and then I pretended to be a bit busy and then I worked on myself confidence, attitude and it worked pretty well other girls got attracted to me which I feel was kind of disturbin to her, because this time I held ma self back and she kind of came back to me... and when actually I met her with my new attitude and confidence she told I look very different but I was the same, she just saw me two days back.
I so feel in my gut level that she too loves me but she is just holding her self back... this is what I feel... and I'm the first guy to prospose her... she is also extremely rich and she is something like a girl who respects her family and she has lot of wishes which actually resembles to me... now I don't know what to do next do I give her another love note or is there something better I could do...

Oh there is one more thing I have to say I did a really stupid mistake due to my curiosity I once asked her how did you just come out with me you don't even properly know who I am... so this hurt her a lot and the next thing she says is I'm never going to walk with you again or going to come out with you anywhere because few days later you would ask how com you agreed to walk with me... but then some how I managed to meet her and give this letter and in my gut feelings again I know she loves me... but few days back she told she will never fall in love with me... but then I see her kind of getting jealous when I speak to other girls and she tries to make me jealous... I also see her mirroring my body language... she gets irritated if I don't reply and then she goes like I thought I will never message you again because its so pissing off when you don't reply... I just feel some where may be her ego is stopping her bcoz she told she will never fall in love with me but I had some kind of confidence I could make it happen because I just couldn let her go she is best girl who has caught my heart... so she never says she loves me(I don know if this is ego because she told she never would fall in love if she does its like putting her self down) or else is she thinking that if she says it, I might ask her or even think to myself "well she said she never would but she did fall in love with me" so is it like she would think if this happens I would look down on her... or could it be something else ah m just so confused I have no clue what to do.. so I feel if I try to keep myself busy and show that she is not the only girl I guess her ego is big so she wouldn really do the first move I always see she expects me to make the first move... and she is one girl whom I see can actually somehow handle her emotions not only with me but also with her family... I call her by a reely sweet nickname that she likes I say that I love her like every alternative days I don't want to seem to needy also, I call her baby,sweetheart everything possible that is sweet but this is the weird part in my previous relationships if the girl doesn't like me she would just ignore me or would say stop saying stuff like this I'm not your girlfriend, but she doesn't stop me... I don't understand her

You already sent her a love note, it's enough. More love notes are for after you become a couple. Sounds like you don't know her well enough. You know a few things, but there's still so many other things that you don't know.

Ask her out on another date. Spend some time talking and getting to know each other better and then go from there. Just go with the flow.

Well OK lets look at this from a different point of view.You felt she was losing interest in you so you went about ajusting certain things about yourself,you ignored her a little and it worked.So maybe if your not so available all the time and ignore her a little more she'll come running.Its human instinct to want something you can't half...

When your are confident and self assured she responded better, when you were needy, she responded badly, so stay confident and ask another date, but don't push to hard, show the girl a good time while she gets to know you. Propose after a few date? Not in my neighborhood, have fun and see what happens? COOL! Falling in love this soon?? CRAZY as hell!!

Go slow and enjoy it. Stay confident, and don't make her a HUGE part of your life.