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My last relationship was with a guy who lived out of town from me it wasn't't that far and he is my best friend's because we talk for two months before really going out but we acted like we were in a relationship already then he came down for about 3 weeks we had a lot of fun everything was going great till he came back home he started acting weird around me and he ignored it every time I would try to talk about it or change the subject we got into this fight and broke up the next day(reason he wanted to party if you know what I mean)but he said he still wanted to remain close friends I wanted to do the same but I had a feeling he wants to be friends with benefits I told him if that was the case to get to stepping he said NO JUST FRIENDS RIGHT well we were talking this week end and he was flirting with me and telling me he misses me then he says he's coming down for his grandpas b-day I wasn't expecting him to come see me but then there he was on my doorstep so what does that mean? I wasn't sure if I was over looking it or under looking it but then I get a call from my friend the next day the one that's his because she tells me that he is totally trashing me to her calling me all these names saying he's a playa and I'm just one of his girls yeah so I tell her to tell him to leave me alone I never want to talk to him but then he texts me like everything's OK when it's far from it I tell my friend she tells him again to leave me alone he keeps texting me then he even has the guts to say I actually like you yeah that's why you broke up with me right uugghhh but he's still down here what if I see him? What do I do? Wat if he decides to come knocking at my door again? His family doesn't live that far from where I live like its walking distance I just want to be prepared if I'm caught up in one of these situations you know please help ha

Tell him to leave you alone! Is that what you want?

I would say that he broke up with you for a reason, whatever that may be.

That he calls you and shows up at your door expecting to be friends, maybe hang out, what's the problem with that.

He knows you don't want to be friends with benefits.

And how can you be sure your friend is telling you the truth about what he said.

You may want to just ask him straight out what his intentions are.

You need to stay strong and firm and not fall for his crap. He is hoping that his charm will make you melt and his presence will make you think that everything is all good.
Keep in the front of your mind that he is two faced and you can't trust a word he says.

Block him on your phone and computer as much as possible.

He sounds like really bad news, and also like he might have an inflated ego (seriously, "oh look at me I'm a playa")

If he is talking trash about you to his cousin and he is pretending like he has you pinned...

In all honesty he really sounds like the type of person you don't really need in your life.

1. block him on phone and computer
2. do not contact him (as it will just give him ideas)
3. if he contacts you tell him how you feel about the situation and if you don't want to have anything to do with him, or just be friends... then say so. If he wants to be friends you need to establish a firm friendship-boundary with him. That is, how you picture the friendship.

Other then that, good for you... that you told him that FwB is not something you would do.

So just hang in there and be firm about it!

He's a gossiper and a backstabber. Not worth the time of day in my opinion. I'd run from him like the plague. If he tries to contact you again just tell him you don't have the time or energy for that sort of thing. Be firm!

I wish that we could be friends but after all the name calling and saything that I'm just one of his girls like I don't matter at all to him makes me think how can he be a friend to me let alone a good one I don't know I'm on the fence with being friends with him again but I'm leaning towards not being friends with him

Jerks should be avoided at all costs.If you see him say hi ,hold your head up and walk on!
If he wants to know why you are ignoring him tell him you don't like to be talked about behind your back.
(assuming you trust what your friend told you).

I've just been getting the jerks latley almost all the guys I've dated hurt me in one way or another like the last I told you guys about he talk a bunch of trash about me to my best frriend which is his because I just don't get it how do you meet a nice guy who's going to treat you right ?and don't say myspace cause most of thos guys are trying to be players I don't need another guy to play with my heart again so wats the best way to meet a nice guy?

Sure it isn't you?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by zippit

sure it isnt you?

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In some seriousness, this could be part of the problem.

How old are you?
What are you looking for?
How are you approaching men?
Where are you approaching men? (If you thought that we would answer Myspace for meeting people, then how you are currently meeting people is a concern. Dating sites are a possibility, but meeting people through Myspace and Facebook, may not lead to the best possible potential mates.)

If you are still in high school, don't plan on meeting any real men right now. There is a difference between boys and men.

I'm still in high school I'm 18 now and I don't use computers to meet guys I don't really go up and start talking to guys either I'm a shy girl and if they start talking to me then I'll get to know them better but every guy I seem to get is a jerk I just want a nice guy I know its hard to find a good guy at my age but what could I do to help my chances of getting that right guy

Raise your standards and don't fall so hard for every guy who comes your way. Screen your potential love interests the way an employer would screen job applicants. I don't mean to sound so impersonal and I'm not suggesting you go around with a checklist a mile long and automatically rule out any guy who doesn't possess every single quality on it. But use your gut instinct and go with it. If something doesn't feel right, it isn't, plain and simple. When that happens, immediately run the other way. That'll save you a lot of heartache and disappointment.

I agree you have to raise your standards, but your own.

In one of your last posts you said this:

"See, he dumped her for me and she wanted to get revenge on him so she made up many many lies to try to tear us apart in the past but then recently admitted to lying to get revenge and tried to apoligize"

So I read this as you were quite available to date this guy, while he was in a relationship with somebody else, and he eventually dumped her, for you. That doesn't indicate that you are very mature to do that to somebody, nor does it indicate that who you pick has higher standards either.

Not all men are 'available'. They aren't available if they have girlfriends, or wives. You need to find somebody who is first of all, available.

It is hard to do, but you really have to look inward, and take a cold hard look at what it is you do, that is contributing to you ending up with jerks. Why are you attracted to them in the first place. Is it because they are unavailable and a challenge? Is it purely superficial in what the six-pack looks like? Are the 'bad boys' in nature? Is it what they can give you, or provide for you i.e. material things, a good time, company?

What do you consider qualities that you bring to the table. What are your own standards of decency, integrity, honesty. What are your goals in life, what kind of life do you want to have, what education or aspirations for a career are you working toward.

If you honestly cannot figure out why you continue to end up with jerks, then you are not figuring things out very well. They are only the result of what you pick.

Falling for men who are essentially all the same, doesn't necessarily imply that they are at fault here, but more that you cannot discern a jerk, from a more compatible mate.

Am I in the ballpark here?

That's what I kind of kicked on in your OP as well, that he has called you one of his girl and the way he talked about you to his cousin is disrespectful and really really low.

The sad truth is that even though we've had a close friendship with someone, we also have to know our limits.

If one of my guy friends had talked about me like that I would have dropped him faster then the blink of an eye! Because it shows a level of disrespect that I would not support. Also to be talked about like your just some piece of property or/and a piece of a$$ is just not cool or all right in my book.

Listen to your gut in this one, if you are leaning towards not being friends with him... well that says a lot. And although you'll be losing a friend... you know what he doesn't really seem like someone who is worth holding on to.

There are plenty of people out there who will be an excellent friend towards you and he is not one of them. Who needs some backstabbing jerk who is all over the place, hot and cold. Also I think that there is a part of you that will wonder what he's saying about you to others!

You deserve better!

I agree with jake on may points and I think that it might be very helpful for you in the long run...

Sometimes we choose the people we date out of a specific scheme in our heads... it might not always be easy to see that but its still there underneath it all.

Also to look at oneself and the standards you set, the way you are, what you want, desire, need, as well as your aspirations might be a big help for you, both as of now and for later in life.

Once you know what you are looking for it is going to be easier for you to find more compatible partners...

Also what I noticed in your other thread with the backstabbing jerk, is that his behavior will continue as long as you allow it... set your foot down and start a fresh, hopefully with a better perspective on things.

Thank you to everyone but I would like to specially thank roxypox
And he did contact me again I stay frim and told himi really hate people talking behind my back your being two face to me and I don't deserve to be treated this way so I'm done
He try to pull me back in with his sweet talk but I ignored everything he told me it sounded like a bunch of crap

One way to separate the good guys, from the jerks, is to take a lot longer to get to know them.

No sex either.