Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend wants a break

Sorry in advance if this gets long.

Anyway a few days ago my girlfriend who I have been going out with for about a year and a half told me she wanted to take a break. She told me that it was her not me and that she needs some space and that she really needs me to be her friend. At first I was speechless but she said that she needs me to understand so I told her that I would be her friend and that I want her to be happy.

She wants to take a break and not be in a relationship for around a year until she is out of school. She really made it clear she loved me and wanted to be with me. Later that night at around 11 or so, she called me and she was crying and she was asking how I was doing and if I hated her for her doing this to me. She told me that she needs me to understand what she is going through and that she really just needs a friend right now. She also kept on saying for me to not think that I have lost her and that I haven't lost her also she was saying that she loves me so much and that I am her one and only true love. She also said that she won't even date any other guys and that we will be together eventually. She said also that things have been going to fast, that she feels that we are practically married and that she doesn't want to feel trapped.

We talked for a good half an hour or so and it made me feel a lot better for her to say that she still wants to be with me and that she really does love me still. She said to call her everyday and to never stop calling her and that we will see each other a lot if we have to. But a few days later and I am already starting to get worried because usually when a girl says that they want to take a break it is because they want to slowly break up... this really hurts to think that and reading stuff on the net of everyone saying that when a girl says she wants to take a break and be friends that's their way of breaking up while being nice about it.

I read a lot that people say you should cut off contact with the girl to get them to miss you but I don't know if that would work in my situation since she told me to never stop keeping contact with her and I don't want her to think I am mad at her because I said I would keep in contact with her. She texts me and calls me a lot still so I don't know if I should try and ignore it or what.

I am afraid that in a year (which is a long time to wait).. that things will change that she would find someone else or that she would just see me as a friend. I honestly don't know what to think cause she kept telling me to always remember I haven't lost her, that she loves me, and that we will eventually be together.

But a few days later and I am already starting to get worried I don't fully understand why she wants take a break but I am trying to respect her decision and I want her to be happy. Could I get some advice on what I should do in this situation?

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she needs some space and that she really needs me to be her friend

She needs space, U=Friend

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We talked for a good half an hour or so and it made me feel a lot better for her to say that she still wants to be with me and that she really does love me still

Wants to be with you or want u to be her friend? Friendly love?

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She said to call her everyday and to never stop calling her and that we will see each other a lot if we have to

Does this sound like space logically?

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I am afraid that in a year (which is a long time to wait)

Feelings and love are not suitable associated with time and bookings.

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She also said that she won't even date any other guys and that we will be together eventually

Of course she would say that right now, she still HAS FEELING TOWARDS U. Ask yourself, what would the feeling mean if there's no will anymore? I love to exercise but I'm not going to exercise.

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She said also that things have been going to fast, that she feels that we are practically married and that she doesn't want to feel trapped.

I *assume that she is very young and doesn't want to be MARRIED. Marriage is the TRUE PURPOSE OF COUPLES.

My conclusion is that when the love flooded her air, she got confused, she feel trapped, she wants freedom while she loves u! Its like i love u handsome, but I'd like to *freedom... to what? License to date. She is stringing u pal, maybe she doesn't even know that but u have to be clear for the good of both of you. Tell her that if we broke up we shall not be as good as before, less contact, less meeting ups, no *ROMANCE, gradually no contact at all. If u'd like to feel so painful to feel so good, continue contacting her until one day she lost all her feelings towards u while u're eventually developing feelings on her. Her heart tells her that she wants u, her brain tells her that she wants to leave u. I hope u see a good point here. As always the good old pattern to confused girls. Hope this helps u.

Get out of this situation now! This is typical stringing along, but on another level. Cut all contact with her. Basically she is so weak she needs you to be by her side but she cannot be alone right now. She is keeping you on the side and all the reason that she is giving you are BS.

Think about it, if she really loved you that much, why would she break up with you on the first place? Wouldn't she be working to make the relationship better? When she says she needs "time alone to find herself", it means she needs to see if there is something better.

I'm not inventing, I'm just talking from my own experience, and the experience of thousands of guys out there who passed by exactly the same thing. My advice to you is that you don't let her control you. Don't let her dictate what she wants, grow some balls! Tell her you want to be with her and that you cannot be a friend. Could you stay a friend after everything she told you and then she went for another guy? I doubt that.

I'm sorry, but there is absolutely NO situation where someone wants to take a break, only to want to get back together again. It doesn't work that way. She broke up with you and now she's making you so confused, you can't even think straight.

I feel for you man, but she has broken up with you, it's over. Her trying to drag you along the pity ride is comforting for HER, not you. She hates the fact that she is the one that is making you feel sad, leaving you, so I guess in a way she is doing it less painfully... only, this pain will last a LOT longer, if you let it.

If you truly take a year break, you won't even care about her finding someone else, you will be long gone and happy somewhere else. Although that sounds scary right now, it will happen and you will move on.

Don't let her string you along this way, it's only making herself feel better about dumping you. She left you, now she has to deal with it, leave her alone. Go NC for yourself, you shouldn't worry about her anymore.

Has anything really changed with your relationship? Are you spending less time together and more time on the phone?
I have two trains of thought, but here's one:
I think she wants to get married after she finishes school. If she can put your "relationship" on hold, you won't have a chance to break up with her before then.
I think she is really insecure. She asked you to call her everyday, and to never stop. She will probably also ask you to propose to her.

Your not the first guy to be dumped, and asked to be friends, to help her get over you. That's what it comes down to, her getting you still in her life, but also the freedom to explore herself, and her world, for options and opportunities. You agreed to what she wants, so where are your options and opportunities?

Let me straighten you out on a fact, No Contact is not for them to miss you. Its for you to have the time to heal and make realistic decisions based on facts and not just feeling, most notably what you should do about your break up.

While you do it her way, and be friends, while she gets over her confusion, your healing remains on hold, and leads to the false hope she will change her mind.

You are going along with her program, instead of asking some important questions, First is, shouldn't you be solving this confusion thru open, and honest communications?? That's what happy, committed couple do. Is a year break up, but remaining friends, in YOUR best interest?? That's a long time to be on hold.

That's why you need No Contact, to end the confusion for you both, and get over the shock of the break up, and heal, so you can make good decisions for yourself, and keep your dignity and self respect, without her drama, confusion, and the misery of being "just her friend".

Your not ready for a healthy friendship with her, nor do you want the consequences of trying to be.

Let her deal with the consequences of dumping you, as she can wait for you to heal, before expecting a friendship, just as you have to do. She has to take the same risk you do, you maybe moving on, as she may well do. That's only fair!