I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we met through the dating site. Our relationship is ful of mistrust and I don't know what exactly is he doing. We both deleted our profiles as we decided to be exclusive. But one day I saw emails while he was checking his mail from pages like myspace and many others, including the ones from which he claimed he erased his profiles! So I did a bad thing and I went to check all of that. Strange thing is that he made them just after he deleted the old ones and the new profiles are not under his name and he has no friends or massages. He just goes there them from time to time. What is he doing? Why didn't he just reactivate the old ones and why he's keeping this a secret?

He once told me he checked up for his ex but from using friend's account. So he lied? It must have been his. I don't know why he even told me that.

I don't know what to do because he is not flirting online but seems like he is looking for someone or maybe stalking. I can't ask him that because he would know I checked up on him. Can somebody help me with this?

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Originally Posted by graphlong

he once told me he checked up for his ex but from using friend's account.

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Guys will tell you they 'only did this' to hide the fact that they really did more. They do it to throw you off guard because then you think they are being open and honest and you don't question it any more.
Like when I was married a few years and we were to the point we were about ready to separate he told me I only cheated on you once but that was before we started really going together. Yeah right, he was cheating on me all along and I had came to realize it was with at least 5 different girls through the years.

He didn't keep the old profile or renew it because it would be too easy to find.
So he got one to that he can claim is his friends and you wouldn't be able to prove otherwise. Maybe he really isn't doing anything wrong with it. You will just have to watch and see other red flags. Like if he is talking on the internet and hiding it a lot, or sneaking off with his cell phone to take calls, or time he is gone and you have no idea where he is.
Right now all you can do is sound like a jealous insecure accusing girlfriend if you make an issue out of it.

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Originally Posted by graphlong

i've been with my bf for a year and we met through the dating site. our relationship is ful of mistrust ?

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Can't really build upon a decent relationship now can we? Seems as if the foundation was never set and there is nowhere to go but down with this.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Can't really build upon a decent relationship now can we? Seems as if the foundation was never set and there is nowhere to go but down with this.

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Had to spread the rep, but that's the truth!

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Originally Posted by graphlong

our relationship is ful of mistrust and i don't know what exactly is he doing.

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That line says it all. So simple:

No trust = No relationship

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Originally Posted by graphlong

i don't know what to do because he is not flirting online but seems like he is looking for someone or maybe stalking. I can't ask him that because he would know i checked up on him. can somebody help me with this?

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Why did you start to check on him? Did he act distant or suspicious to you? Don't ever give your full heart to someone who does not want you 100% or you cannot trust. You do not want to share your man with other internet girls.

Yes, you can tell him. Tell him you had some uncertainty lately, and checked it out. If he is overly angry and offended, he has more hidden agenda. Find out where you are standing.

I have a feeling that nothing is going on right now, but he may looking for a trouble.
Work on your own security issue also. If you are insecure, you will be very Vulnerable, and unhappy. Are you guys compatible? Are you seeing a future together?

Generally when people hide things or keep things secret, there's a reason for it. Maybe you could make a new profile, find him and request him as a friend. See what happens from there? It could be he just didn't think anything of it or it could be that your gut is right.

the first thing that cought me eye about your post was that the relationship is at a point where there is mistrust... the second is that he has told you that he has used a friends account to look for his x... did he ever give you an explanation as to why he did this? Was it while the two of you were together or was it before he met you?

If he did this after he met you and especially after the two of you agreed that you'd delete your online-dating-accounts... what is that all about?

Also, you can tell him that you were feeling uneasy about it and checked it out. There is nothing wrong with that in my eyes... seeing as he is hiding things (which I see as bad/negative) its better to talk about it then to not talk about it.

Because if he does react badly, well hey, his problem and if he doesn't react in a harsh way but is able to give an explanation to you (that holds water and is solid I might add)...

generally I don't think you have anything to loose by asking him/talking to him about it!

best of luck!

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Originally Posted by roxypox

he has told you that he has used a friends account to look for his x.....did he ever give you an explanation as to why he did this? was it while the two of you were together or was it before he met you?
If he did this after he met you and especially after the two of you agreed that you'd delete your online-dating-accounts... what is that all about?

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Thanks everyone for answering, that's great!

It happened while we were together for 8 months. I did talk to him about it, I was upset for checking on his ex, who wouldn't be? I don't know why he did it, he actually said his friend show it to him. But why would a friend to that? I think it's a lie since I found out he has his own profile when he said he didn't have it anymore. Another lie. And he doesn't know I know about it.

I'll just look insecure and jealous if I say anything. But I feel like a jerk checking him what's he up to. I just feel I have no choice. Sure I could just talk to him and confess all this but if he is onto something or even cheating on me I want to caught him on it and have some evidence. Otherwise I'll just look crazy if I'm wrong or I'll look naïve and stupid for trusting him if I'm right.

Yes I want to trust him but he's lied already and I can't now. This seems not so serious but it's very hard for me. Now I'm hiding secrets from him to. I don't know where're we going with this. We are compatible and we love each other I think but I do not trust him. How can I? I'm so confused and hurt.

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Originally Posted by graphlong

thanks everyone for answering, that's great!

it happened while we were together for 8 months. i did talk to him about it, i was upset for checking on his ex, who wouldn't be? i don't know why he did it, he actualy said his friend show it to him. but why would a friend to that? i think it's a lie since i found out he has his own profile when he said he didn't have it anymore. another lie. and he doesn't know i know about it.

i'll just look insecure and jealous if i say anything. but i feel like a jerk checking him what's he up to. i just feel i have no choice. sure i could just talk to him and confess all this but if he is onto something or even cheating on me i want to caught him on it and have some evidence. otherwise i'll just look crazy if i'm wrong or i'll look naive and stupid for trusting him if i'm right.

yes i wanna trust him but he's lied already and i can't now. this seems not so serious but it's very hard for me. now i'm hiding secrets from him to. i don't know where're we going with this. we are compatible and we love each other i think but i do not trust him. how can i? i'm so confused and hurt.

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If you ask him/talk to him about it, it really shouldn't matter how he sees you. If that makes him think that you are jealous or insecure... well hey that's a situation he helped create. Besides, with the lies that he has told you in the past... he has kind of been digging his own grave and if the two of you should have any hopes of making it in the long run, then you need to get this out of the way and he needs to stop checking out his x (for whatever reason) and focus on the relationship at hand.

Besides, if he is cheating on you and if his intentions are anything but true, honest and pure then it really doesn't matter how you found out or how much evidence you have... because it will basically be a cue for you to move on and ridd yourself of him.

I sympathies with the fact that you're conflicted and that this is hard for you! I really do, to loose trust in the person you are in a relationship with is hard (no matter the reason), it also proibits that relationship from growing...

If he in fact is lying, it might be better for you to break things of, like someone mentioned earlier... if you have a relationship based on mistrust... well then you have nowhere to go with it, it can't function in the long run.

You should have a talk with him about this! Seeing as you think of this as difficult... I have some suggestions as to how to do this:

1. sit down and think about what is bothering you

2. Think about what you want to say to him

3. practice the words you want to use when you lay it out there

4. try to imagine the different ways he can react to what you have to say... in this way you can be prep hard for what follows next...

In all honesty, it won't make matters better if you don't talk about it... the lies will still exist, your doubt and mistrust will still exist and these factors will be the basis of your relationship... to be compatible and able to love each other is sadly not always enough. Not when suspicion and doubt arises.