I have been married for 8 months now. Our marriage is nearly perfect so far. Before my husband when I was pregnant with my daughter I lost her daddy (my fiance) to a horrible accident. I never thought I would love anyone again. When I met my new husband he had lost daughter and I had told him about my fiancé. He was there to talk to me and help me through it. Now that we are married he gets upset when I talk about him (which I don't do alot) and when I want to take flowers to the cemetery he gets upset and says I could be spending it on the kids or on us. I don't know what to do. I still love my fiancé but I can't tell him that. I understand why he don't like other guys but its not like my fiancé is a threat. He's gone. He's been dead for 2 years. I don't want to ruin what I got. What should I do. Its so hard to let go and part of me don't want to. I watched him die and I can't get that out of my head. I feel so guilty over the whole situation. Please help me

Your husband needs to have patience with you. Every person mourns in a different way. Some take longer then others.

Have you done any kind of counseling? How often do you bring flowers to the cemetery? How often do you go?

I can see both sides. I can see that your not completely over your loss, which I do not think you ever will.
At the same time you need to embrace your new husband and children fully.

I would suggest you get some counseling as a way of dealing with this loss of yours. Losses like this has a great effect on a person and it does take time. It must be heartbreaking the loss you have dealt with but at the same time you now have a new husband and must move forward.

You should always remember as well that it is completely normal to have a part of fiancé always in your heart.

When you talk about your old boyfriend he could be being reminded of his daughter and isn't dealing with the death issue well at all.
Tell him that your love for your dead boyfriend doesn't diminish your love for him in the least but you need to talk about what is on your heart instead of keeping it in. That you wish he could be more accepting of this because it isn't like you can call him or go down the street to meet him

Both of you are taking your respective losses pretty hard. It sounds like neither of you really recovered from your losses, yet you decided to get married.

For your part, I'm not sure how often you want to go to the cemetery, but the more often you go, the more distant he will feel from you, because your heart is still with another man, whether he is dead or alive. So it's easy for your husband to feel insecure.

As for him, you need to talk things out with him. He's going to have to be patience with you. He's going to have to accept the fact that you're not entirely over the loss of your ex.

Regardless of all these observations, I suggest that you, yourself, get some counselling to cope with the loss. It's fine to continually visit the cemetery, but it might be a stretch if it's getting in the way of your current marriage.

daveswoman4life... I was wondering if dave was your husband?

I can see how your husband could see your dead fiancé as a threat...

He's dead. He can't argue with him,he can't say leave my wife alone,he probably knows you think about him... think about it,your husband knows your thinking about another man that he cannot compete with,your not having an affair,but yet its perfectly normal and acceptable how you feel,he probably knows this too.
2 years is a short time to grieve,mostly the first year goes by in a blur,it's the second year you really start to deal with the death.

Your fiancé is only dead 2 years,you must have met your husband soon after that if your married 8 months...

Don't get me wrong,I'm sure you love your husband,but it just seems it was a really short time after your fiancé died that you met your husband.

You have two men in your life,one in your arms,and one in your heart.

Your husband is feeling insecure - perhaps he feels that he can't compare to your fiancée who will forever remain imprinted in your heart as fabulous and forever youthful.

A little compromise may be required on both sides. Have a talk to your husband, explain that you still want to honor the relationship that you had with your fiancée, talk about him and take him flowers. Make it clear that although he's still part of your past your heart and present life belong to your husband.

It may also be that your husband feels that you're still emotionally connected to your fiancée - this is understandable, but you must begin the process of disconnection if you want to make your marriage work.

Speaking with a counselor will help you deal with your guilt and let your fiancée go. You don't have to forget him, but he is in the past, sadly he is gone and your responsibility now lies with your husband in the present. The part of you that doesn't want to let go will find it much easier to do so once you've worked through your feelings of anguish and self blame.

I wish you all the best.