Ask Me Help Desk - 19 and married

I found this site and I thought I might give it a chance I am in a very lost place rite now I am 19 years old I have a 9 month daughter and I am married for the past 2 years I have devoted myself to helping my husband become a man but nothings working I no some1cant change over night but he is 24 about to b 25 and still acts like a little boy he is not resonaible at all we always have the same fights like everyday I always have 2 tell him what to do like if I am his mom but I am not I am his wife there is a lot going on he showed me one side then its like when we got married he showed me the bad side he can't even hold on to a job now we are in a selther and I been the only one working and doing everything on my own and I am getting sick of him doing nothing the only thing I can say good about him is that he takes care of out daughter that's it besides that he is a lost case this guy got me feeling like a old women I'm am only 19 and I feel old and worn out from my 2 jobs and dealing wit all the stress he puts on me should I just let him go I don't no I am torn I need a man not a kid I thought he would be the one for me and now I have no clue what I was thinking

Talk to him. If he cares he will change, if not you got to do what's right for you.

How'd you get him to propose that early? I can't get mine to propose at all cause every time I turn around he mad about something I did.

I don't think anyone needs to tell you that you got married too soon. There's a reason why you should be older before you get married.

You want both people in a marriage to have a stable job and a stable income. Furthermore, you decided to have a child, which means you need a higher income and responsible parents.

However, what's done is done. But it's not too late to fix things. First of all, if he cannot provide anything for you, then there's no reason for you to stay in this marriage.

You can start by talking to him and suggesting marriage counselling. But if there is no progress, then you should strongly consider leaving him. Move on with your parents or someone that can help you with your financial burden and babysitting. While you are separated, he can either get his act together and prove himself to you, or you file for a divorce and move on with your life.

You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Stand up for yourself and act in the best interest of yourself and your child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 19traped

i found this site and i thought i might give it a chance i am in a very lost place rite now i am 19 years old i have a 9 month daughter and i am married 4 the past 2 years i have devoted myself to helping my husband become a man but nothings working i no some1cant change over nite but he is 24 about to b 25 and still acts like a little boy he is not resonaible at all we always have the same fights like everyday i always have 2 tell him wat to do like if i am his mom but i am not i am his wife there is a lot going on he showed me one side then its like when we got married he showed me the bad side he can't even hold on to a job now we r in a selther and i been the only one working and doing everything on my own and i am getting sick of him doing nothing the only thing i can say good about him is that he takes care of out daughter thats it besides that he is a lost case this guy got me feeling like a old women im am only 19 and i feel old and worn out from my 2 jobs and dealin wit all the stress he puts on me should i just let him go i dont no i am torn i need a man not a kid i thought he would b the one 4 me and now i have no clue wat i was thinkin

Things that are wrong from the beginning don't all of a sudden become right when you marry. Once the wedding is over all that is left is what was there from the beginning.

Sometimes we think that saying I DO means that we should expect the better first before the worst, And this does not always happen. Having a successful marriage requires two things .
1. Marrying the right person, and Being the right person.

The reality is what makes us grow is experience, and having to learn that our action or lack thereof, has consequences.

If you don't allow him to grow up on his own I am afraid he won't my dear.

What you can do is communicate to him what you expect to happen, and explain to him the importance of providing for the family.
Be honest with your expectations, and if he doesn't want to change then you have to have Plan B.

Are you working right now yourself? Was he the only one working? Do you have help from your family?

He's not our taking care of your daughter, if he was he'd have a job. I don't know many people that LOVE their jobs. You have to do what you have to do if you want to get married and have a child, and have a life together. You obviously you know that. If he can't man up and take care of his family, you need to leave.