Hello. About a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend, I thought I'd never find anyone who could make me feel that way again. That was until I met this guy. He is sweet, kind, and very caring. The only problem is he has a thing with my ex-friend. There not in a relationship or anything close to that. He has told me he liked me but he just didn't know what he wanted to do. So what do you guys think I should do?

I think if you really want him pursue him but if you want to know how it will work your best bet is to wait it out(AAHH NOO the waiting game) but hey it's a solution right?

Yah I guess. I was afraid that's what I would have to do haha

I don't understand the question.

You say, "The only problem is he has a thing with my ex-friend". Do you mean 'had' a thing with your ex-friend? You then say there is nothing going on bettween them, yet you imply that your chances with him depend upon how he feels about her, because you then say this, "He has told me he liked me but he just didn't know what he wanted to do."

Do you mean he is not over her? Or he is unsure of a relationship with you.

Considering the information, I would say take it slow. Make sure he is available. If he isn't, move on and find somebody who is.

Okay, him and my ex-friend are... "friends with benifits" to put it bluntly. Before this thoug he had a very up and down relationship, so he doesn't know if he wants another one at this time. If that helps explain it at all...

Ok, thank you. That makes more sense to me.

I would not recommend also becoming a 'friend with benefits', which is what you'll be if you share him with your ex-friend.

I don't know why it is so difficult for people to just do the old fashioned thing. Date exclusively if the feelings are there, and see where it goes naturally. When you add another person in the mix, you are only getting half a chance at a relationship with him, at best. I don't think the odds are in your favour to pursue this.

He may not have come right out and say it, but he is not thinking exclusive with you, at the expense of losing the benefits on the other end, with no commitment.

He may think himself available for another friends with benefits relationship, who knows, but I think that he would be straight up and honest if he planned to let your ex-friend go.

If it were me, I would not involve myself if it is obvious he is not interested in just you. He is satisfied with what he has, and more power to him. But, this may not be your idea of a solid relationship.

I would also take a few steps back, and wait for him to contact you. If he does, meet up with him, and if he's talking like there might be something there, clarify that you won't be interested if he's still getting benefits from your ex-friend.

If he has as friends with benefits thing going on, then he's probably going to want to keep it going until he gets bored of it.

There are red flags everywhere. He's not going to want a serious relationship anytime soon.

You should definitely stay away. If he wants something more to happen, he will find you. In the meantime, I suggest that you find someone else who isn't confused about their feelings and isn't in the middle of a friends with benefits with someone else.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I don't know why it is so difficult for people to just do the old fashioned thing. Date exclusively if the feelings are there, and see where it goes naturally. When you add another person in the mix, you are only getting half a chance at a relationship with him, at best. I don't think the odds are in your favour to persue this.

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Jake2008, I agree with you. I realized that there are so many 'friends with benefit' business is going on. It is disgusting to me to be in a sort of triangle sexual arrangement (not relationship). We should have self esteem. Have you ever heard that 'friendship with benefit' became 'exclusive relationship' in real world? I am curious.

No, I've not known a 'friends with benefits' to go to an exclusive relationship. But, I have heard where couples who break up, keep up the 'friends with benefits' though, and just get together to have sex.

Maybe this is the new 'normal' now, sort of indicative of not quite being able to end a relationship, or a way to hang on, and not have to face the nights alone.

Not sure what it means really, but I think that if it were me, I'd rather be alone, than lower my standards so far that I have to keep an ex on the side just for the odd tumble.

Sad really.

I was going to say wait until he is over her or he is still going to always wonder what he could have had with her. But now you say they are friends with benefits. I agree with the others you would not be much more than 'the other woman' if he wants to be with you.

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Originally Posted by Emily94

The only problem is he has a thing with my ex-friend... He has told me he liked me but he just didn't know what he wanted to do. So what do you guys think I should do?

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Here is what I think he meant by those words: "it'd be awesome if I could have a thing with you too, but I know if I say it out-right you'll be offended. So, I'll remain ambiguous by saying things like 'I like you, but I don't know what to do' and hope that you take the bait, and then I can mold it into a NSA fling so I can keep both you and your ex-friend".

If he really liked you in that way, he'd break it off with your ex-friend and presue you, and if he wasn't interested at all he wouldn't bother talking to you. He knows what he wants, he just doesn't want to tell you.

He wants another toy.

He's not as sweet as you think. Forget about him.

The new guy is definitely sending out feelers because he doesn't want to lose his benefits with your ex-friend. You say that he is sweet, kind, and very caring, yet he is not in any kind of relationship with the person he's sleeping with--how does that work exactly?

If he's really into you he wounld'nt be second guessing anything he would just go for it so if he's not calling anytime soon then forget him go have a girls night and meet some new hot guys oh and remember there's a lot of fish in the sea girl don't worry:)

He already has a friend with benefits, what does he need with you?? More benefits? Don't share, get your own.