Ask Me Help Desk - Whenever I get close I run

It seems whenever I get close to someone I'm dating and the initial mystry is over I want to run. I find myself wondering what else is out there, or running away from the relationship because its getting too serious. I do want a serious relationship but when I start to get to that point in my relationship I get scared and run away.

I recently started talking to my ex.. I was so happy and enjoyed spending time with him, then out of nowhere I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship. He looked at me as if I was crazy because I told him how much I wanted one 2 weeks ago.

A few weeks ago I met this great guy, we clicked well he's funny, we have a lot of the same interests and he's good in bed. Everything I ever wanted and I was having a great time getting to know him. Then recntly I started to have the same feelings where I don't want to be tied down and I want to run away. I don't want to hurt anyone I told him how I felt and we agree to be friends. But we still hang out a lot and I'm affaird to hurting him. Help!!

How long does it take you for the mystery to go away?

The reason I ask is because if you are talking weeks or months then your idea of a mystery is a good TV commercial. Human beings are incredibly complex (even the seemingly simple ones). I've known myself for a very long time and some days can be quite boring and predictable, but I've been known to surprise myself.

What are you doing sleeping with guys within a few weeks too? Judging by your grammar, you can't be all that old (correct me if I'm wrong). Met a guy three weeks ago, told your ex you wanted him two weeks ago and somewhere in the middle you have slept with at least one of them. I find it kind of odd that guys aren't bored with you. You seem flakey.

I don't mean to come off harsh, but you're headed for disaster. I think you are too unstable right now to be messing with guys. I've noticed that when I'm not happy with where I am, I have a hard time bonding with people. Settle your heart and soul first. Then you will have the patience necessary to actually want to learn about someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inertia

The reason I ask is because if you are talking weeks or months then your idea of a mystery is a good TV commercial. Human beings are incredibly complex (even the seemingly simple ones). I've known myself for a very long time and some days can be quite boring and predictable, but I've been known to surprise myself.

What are you doing sleeping with guys within a few weeks too? Judging by your grammar, you can't be all that old (correct me if I'm wrong). Met a guy three weeks ago, told your ex you wanted him two weeks ago and somewhere in the middle you have slept with at least one of them. I find it kind of odd that guys aren't bored with you. You seem flakey.

I don't mean to come off harsh, but you're headed for disaster. I think you are too unstable right now to be messing with guys. I've noticed that when I'm not happy with where I am, I have a hard time bonding with people. Settle your heart and soul first. Then you will have the patience necessary to actually want to learn about someone else.

Virgo,I kind of know what you're going through,because there was a time very long ago,thankfully,when I too went through a phase like this.
Most often,running away from people,from situations is a behaviourial trait generating from not being in sync with one's deepest self.When one is not in touch with one's own self,doesn't really take time to like oneself and know oneself,one tends to look outside for all possible distractions and diversions.Then,once you feel you have seen it all,you tend to say,"ok,next ".I can assure you,this is extremely unhealthy and in the end,nobody else apart from you would end up feeling used and drained.
Try shutting off from everything that distracts you at the moment(believe me,its tough,but once you do it,it'll give you so much peace,you'll always hold onto it),work on being more grounded,stable and settled.Try doing things that build your patience and maturity.
You are being too fickle and hyperactive.Take a course on human psychology or something.May sound deep at the moment,but studying human beings and their natures would help you understand a lot about yourself too.
All the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inertia

how long does it take you for the mystery to go away?

Hey thank you for your response, I'm 21 by the way. And no you did not come off harsh sometime we need someone to be harsh with us. I will def. take your advise. I must agree I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure stuff out, finishing up school and trying to get on top of bills from college. So yes I think I need to settle a few stuff with me first before I try and go after anyone. One more question for you: I've told my friend that I just want to be friends now and I was completely honest with him about the reasons. We decided to still be friends but he wants to hang out too much. Should I tell him we need space? I don't want to hurt him nor do I want to lead him on. What should I tell him?

Tell him exactly what you posted. You don't want to hurt him and you don't want to lead him on. Tell him that you are not interested in anything but a friendship, but you understand if that's not what he wants.

You need to be open about your relationship needs. Many guys like the idea of a mostly physical relationship.

I'm going to go against prevailing modern wisdom in regards to casual sexual affairs. It's wrong. Been there, done that. I know it's glamorized in media and generally accepted, but there are too many risks (especially for a woman). Don't sleep with anyone that you wouldn't risk raising a child with. Any decision you make about your pregnancy will be more physically involved on your side. Not to mention disease. Besides, if a girl told me that she wasn't interested in a relationship with me, but wanted to sleep with me all the time (whether I obliged or not), I would have no respect for her. Maybe that's just me.

I said it was my opinion and it's a valid one. I notice you aren't arguing about pregnancy and disease. If by responsible, you mean using some form of birth control then you are assuming 100% effectiveness. "Safe sex" makes as much sense as seat belts on airplanes. We only have so much control.

Quote:

Originally Posted by makapuu

You need to be open about your relationship needs. Many guys like the idea of a mostly physical relationship.

I must not fall into this category. I would prefer someone who can hold a conversation with me over a girl who is merely out for sex. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with casual sex, and I am not one to judge those that participate, but I will also say that relationship wise, if you give it up easily, you won't be in my bed for an extended period... get it? Got it? Good!

I'm not judging either. I just think people should be fully aware of the risks involved with "casual" sex. There is nothing casual about sex. It is a risk (a fun one).