Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend is different

My boyfriend is different

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years now. When it started, everything was perfect. Since he was my first boyfriend, he meant so much time. Over the time, I got very insecure with my body image and my boyfriend made mistakes on saying how he hates fat girls. My boyfriend was the sweetest thing in the world but he began to change. Every time he did something wrong, I would get mad at him and then he would be mad at the fact that I was mad at him. Every time we got into a fight, he would turn off his phone and it ended up being him hanging out with his friends. My mental health got worse and worse and I started to hurt myself by cutting and punching. Even when I was going through this, he would say "stop putting on a show" "I don't care if you die because I didn't do anything wrong"... these things really motivated me to hurt myself even more and I ended up in ER for overdosing sleeping pills. He still hasn't changed much and what bothers me the most is he thinks he can do anything he wants to do in the relationship and it should be fine with me.
I always consider him first (leaving him alone when he has exams and stuff) but he never considers me. I always feel like I'm not respected...
I always it's OK it's OK whenever he offers me a ride home. It would take 2 hours on public transportation and I have been doing this for 3 and a half years with complaining once. I asked him once to drive me and he said I was so why for asking a ride... It really bothers me because he think it's OKAY for other girsl to ask for rides..

I really don't know what to do.
His phone is off once again because I complained that he doesn't give me any attention since his friend from another state came to visit him. He says I complain too much..
I feel useless to him unless he wants to have sex...
What should I do

Leave him. He's controlling, and emotionally abusive. It won't take much for him to become physically abusive. Leave him, and do not contact him. You need to seek help for the self abuse, and to regain mental individuality. Find someone that appreciates you.

Leave him alone.
Love yourself
Seek counseling help
Love yourself more
Talk to your mother or your physician about the feelings that you have for yourself.
Love yourself even more
Truly leave him alone.

This, my dear, is an example of a man that is wholly infatuated with himself.

When relationships first start, most people do perceive everything as "perfect," but the truth is, it doesn't stay that way. It can't. Why? Because people grow, and sometimes they don't grow towards the same goals.

However, this guy telling you that you can "die" and the fact you've said he doesn't respect is a big clue that you need to get out of that, and fast. 3 years is a long time to be with someone, and it's hard, but anyone that tells you, again, that you can "die" is worthy of a painful rash that burns with the fire of a 1,000 suns.

Move on, girl. Get away from this... thing.

You're far too good for him, and deserve so much better. He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a doormat that he can have sex with.

My ex was that way, so when we broke up I left a doormat and a condom on his front doorstep with a note that said, "I think this is what you were really looking for." He got the hint and never contacted me again.

Why are you with him when he treats you like this? You let him walk all over you and that is OK. This is the real him now, not the way you met him. You have invested three years into a relationship, its time to move on. I don't understand how anyone even considers, in general staying with someone when their controlling like that. Get some help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully123

Why are you with him when he treats you like this? You let him walk all over you and that is ok. This is the real him now, not the way you met him. You have invested three years into a relationship, its time to move on. I don't understand how anyone even considers, in general staying with someone when their controlling like that. Get some help.

There are various reasons, everyone has their own. What she needs right now is encouragement to leave him (forever), and to move on with her life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

There are various reasons, everyone has their own. What she needs right now is encouragement to leave him (forever), and to move on with her life.

I agree!

You need help, but you cannot continue with him, as he is poison to you, and the way you feel about yourself.

This is abuse by him, on you, plain and simple, and you should get some help as soon as possible.

Stop having sex as of yesterday, and see your doctor for a referral for a therapist immediately, or a womans shelter can steer you to some good counseling service.

You really need to love yourself, and take a better care of yourself. Its not about him, now it should be about YOU.

Thank you everyone for support. I have been getting counselling eversince I ended up in ER and I am very fine. After reading all the posts, I realized that it's time to take care of myself.. not that jerk anymore. Thank you everybody... Thank you so much !

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Leave him. He's controlling, and emotionally abusive. It won't take much for him to become physically abusive. Leave him, and do not contact him. You need to seek help for the self abuse, and to regain mental individuality. Find someone that appreciates you.

FIND SOMEONE THAT APPRECIATES YOU... yes!! I finally realized that that's what I need. Thank you so much

You need professional help. You are literally putting your own life in danger because you have no self-worth. You need to love yourself first.

As I said in my greenie to you, we're here because we care, and we want to help.

I'm happy to hear that you are realizing how much you are really worth. And it's so much more than you've been recieveing. Heal yourself, and when you are ready a nice guy will find you. I've found the ones that FIND YOU are usually the keeper(s). Searching always turns up half-assed results, if you catch my drift.

Love yourself, before you trying loving someone else. You'll have far more love to give when you have more love for yourself. AND YOUR WELL-BEING!

NC (no contact) should start NOW!

Change your computer addresses, phone number (or have his number blocked through your phone company), and forget he ever existed. I THREW AWAY all pictures, letters, and gifts he ever gave me. If you are a more sentimental person, pack them all away and shove the box in the attic.

I wish you all the luck in the world. You seem like a very intelligent woman, and you deserve a man that will surprise you with flowers and a back massage for no reason. You deserve the world.

Please keep us in the loop!

I'd really like to know how the OP is doing. Hopefulyl she comes here and responds & updates us.