OK. Here goes. My son is almost 9 years old. When he was born his sperm donor acted like he was going to be around. So.. I gave my son a hyphenated last name. The sperm donor has not seen my son since he was 2 months old (HIS CHOICE NOT MINE) and when I ordered his birth certificate for school is when I found out that his name isn't on the birth certificate as the father. Just me. Sigh of relief...

Bottom line is, I have not seen or talked to the sperm donor in over 8 years. I don't want anything from him, nothing. I do however, want to drop his name off my son's birth certificated. My son doesn't know that name exists and I want to keep it that way.

My finance has been with my son since he was 2 months old. He is his daddy. My son called him daddy when he was ready. They are different races, so I'm sure my son will one day ask why his daddy is a different color than he his and I don't need a strangers last name complicating things.

TIA,

princessme

Mmm I don't really like the term sperm donor... you chose to sleep with thim... did you not? (and no I'm not biased, my daughters biological father left us too, and is a dead beat who has no contact with her or me, but, like I said, I made the choice to sleep with him)

First you will need to get married. Your fiancé CAN adopt your son and give him his name, but you would need to sign your rights away too, and I don't think you want this.
Once you are married you will need to find the biological father and have him sign his rights off so that your husband can adopt your son.

You may want to contact a lawyer, as this makes the process much easier. Good luck hon :)

Do you know how to contact the father? If so ask him if he will let you change your son's name. If he will it isn't that hard if he won't then it is harder and sometimes just plain won't happen. If you have absolutely no idea where the father is then talk to an attorney in your area to find out what it takes in your state to make a good faith effort at finding him and get a court date. Also, if you do get married and your husband want's to adopt then again ask the bio father if he will allow it (you can always ask for support... for some reason knowing that it won't hang over them any more gives that parent more of a reason to agree to things like that) then hire an adoption attorney.

Did you go to a medical agency and have donated sperm inserted into your womb? No? Then the child's biological parent is who you are talking about.

I can't believe how many bitter women use the term "sperm donor" when they talk about a guy that they made the choice to sleep with--what does that say about you?

Anyway, to answer your question--as a general rule, you need permission from BOTH parents to change a name. I would consult a lawyer in your area to find out for sure.

As far as adoption goes, you MUST have permission from the biological father for an adoption to go through--or you must make a good faith attempt to contact the biological father.

Most states, however, require that you be married for a specific amount of time before a step parent adoption can take place.

Contact a family law attorney in your area.

Ok, first of all I don't care if you don't like the term sperm donor. That is exactly what he did for me. I got pregnant and he left. Yes, I laid down with him, duh. I was 18, **it happens. Condom broke, blah blah blah. Point is that I've been the one to take care of my son when the SPERM donor decided to walk away with his tail between his legs. So, excuse me if I sound like a **itch, but I didn't ask for a moral lesson or a lesson in terminology. I asked a question regarding my son's last name.

Opinions are like a** holes, every body has one, but I don't recall asking for any of yours.

You DID ask for our opinions---you posted in a public forum on the internet.

As your child's egg donor, you have no more rights to your child and decisions about it than the sperm donor does---UNLESS you have gone to court and gotten full legal custody.

You can not involuntarily terminate someone's parental rights without a VERY good reason---like the person being a danger to their child--or more people would be forced into choosing adoption when they didn't want to because they weren't "perfect" parents. Be thankful the laws protecting parental rights are there, or you'd have the chance of some stranger going after you to take YOUR parental rights away.

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Originally Posted by princessme

Ok, first of all I don't care if you don't like the term sperm donor. That is exactly what he did for me. I got pregnant and he left. Yes, I laid down with him, duh. I was 18, **it happens. Condom broke, blah blah blah. Point is that I've been the one to take care of my son when the SPERM donor decided to walk away with his tail between his legs. So, excuse me if I sound like a **itch, but I didn't ask for a moral lesson or a lesson in terminology. I asked a question regarding my son's last name.

Opinions are like a** holes, every body has one, but I don't recall asking for any of yours.

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I really do know how you feel hon. And I'm sorry if I upset you. But that was just my opinion. And your right. Opinions are like a-holes. My daughters father left when she was a month old and never saw her again nor does he pay child support.
I can think of SO SO SO many names to call him.

My point was that LEGALLY, he isn't just the sperm donar. Legally sperm doner and biological father have VERY different meanings. As the biological father, he has rights that will need to be signed away. If he was a sperm doner, he would have no rights, as he would have signed them away when he donated.

Again, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry.

I'm sorry for coming off so harsh before. I apologize. This is a very scary subject for me. He is violent and I am afraid to have him around my son. Paternity has never been established and his name is not on the birth certificate. I'm not trying to terminate his parental rights. He has chosen not to take part in my sons life and has denied him from day 1. My son has two last names and I just want to drop one.

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Originally Posted by princessme

when I ordered his birth certificate for school is when I found out that his name isn't on the birth certificate as the father. Just me. Sigh of relief.....

I do however, want to drop his name off of my son's birth certificated. My son doesn't know that name exists and I want to keep it that way.


princessme

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I am confused. First you say his name isn't on the birth certificate. Then you say you want to take it off? Is it there or not?

She may have had a typo and meant to say 'his name is on the birth certificate'

This is the same way I found out my daughters father was on her Birth Certificate. When I went to enroll her in school I filled out everything with my maiden name, and then found out from them that it had to match her birth certificate, and they said it was different.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

she may have had a typo and meant to say 'his name is on the birth certificate'

this is the same way i found out my daughters father was on her Birth Certificate. when i went to enroll her in school i filled out everything with my maiden name, and then found out from them that it had to match her birth certificate, and they said it was diffrent.

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OH well it caught my eye. Thanks.

No his name is not on the birth certificate. The only parent listed is me. But I gave my son both of our last names. I am wanting to drop just the hyphenated part of my son's last name.

There is no father listed on the birth certificate. I didn't find out until I got my son's because for school. If I'd have known that his name wasn't listed as the father, I would have never given my son two last names to begin with.

What stands, though, is that you will probably need the biological father's permission to change your child's name.

This might actually have been EASIER if he were listed on the birth certificate.

You need a lawyer, because you need to find out how you can legally go about this.

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Originally Posted by princessme

I'm sorry for coming off so harsh before. I apologize. This is a very scary subject for me. He is violent and I am afraid to have him around my son. Paternity has never been established and his name is not on the birth certificate. I'm not trying to terminate his parental rights. He has chosen not to take part in my sons life and has denied him from day 1. My son has two last names and I just want to drop one.

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Scary or not your going to have to first prove him the father or whoever the spermdonor was and then have them involved until such a time as their rights are taken away as is the case in adoption.

What bothers me most about this type of post is when there are conflicting information that goes with the name calling.

( quote ) Point is that I've been the one to take care of my son when the SPERM donor decided to walk away with his tail between his legs. ( end quote )

( quote ) My finance has been with my son since he was 2 months old. He is his daddy. ( end quote )

Good luck.