Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 8 months. She came directly out of a two year abusive relationship and I got out a 6 year relationship in which I was engaged about 4 months prior to seeing her. We hung out everyday, while we worked together and she lost her job. At that point she got another waitress job and decided to move an hour away to help her mom who is disabled. We have been talking on the phone everyday since usually late at night cause we both wait tables and try to see each other about once a week maybe a little less or a little more. We always tell each other how much we love each other and nothing makes me happier than making her happy. She does have past problems with bulemia and battles depression to the day. We get into arguments some time but of nothing important. She came out for a week and stayed with me, (at one point she asked me to promise never to leave her) which was an amazing week and sex was AMAZING except we ended it with a dumb argument about music and left a music festival early. And she had to leave early at 5:30 the next morning to help take care of her sisters kids which also lives with her mom as well as her sister and husband. Like I said we normally talk daily and since then we talked only once the day she left which I appologized for arguing and she said everything was OK. Last couple days she has been calling me earlier than normal and leaving me messages saying that she loves me and will talk to me later. We had plans for me to go camping with her family for four days this weekend which I asked off work for. Last night she didn't respond to any of my texts or my call till today. Today she said that she needs a week to think about us and that she wants a break for that week. She says the cause is that she never had a chance to let her heart heal from her last relationship. She said she saw her abusive ex(also live an hour from her) at the grocery store at 6 am while he was on his way to work. She says that she could never be in love with her ex again but feels guilty she is happy and he is not. She says she still wants me to go camping but wants me to go as a friend and not a boyfriend. I always told her I wanted her to move back out by me since I can't leave cause I am in my last year of college. Any insight or advice? What should I do? Should I go camping? I do love her and I know her psycologist is messing with her lexipro..
Like I said she does have depression issues, and today she said she is sooo stressed out with work and family issues. She also has some alcohol issues as well. What do you think?

Unfortunately when someone asks for a break it's the lead up to the Breakup.

She's been thinking about this for a while and she's made her mind up so just go with it and give her some space. She may then just miss you and want you back but don't go pushing it as it'll just push her away further.

As far as going camping I wouldn't , can you imagine how awkward that'd be?

You should tell her she either wants all of you or she gets none. Don't get caught in the friendzone because you'll just be hanging on with false hope while not starting your healing process.

She says she still loves you , but actions speak louder than words. You don't take a break with someone you Love.

Sorry Bud but that's generally how it works. Read some of the material on this forum and it'll give you a good insight into other people who have and are going through the exact thing you are. And then you can just come back here and vent whenever you feel down. There will be other people along who will give you their perspective on your situation.

Good Luck!

You both came from relationships that drained you. Instead of working through your problems on your own and working on self improvement and rediscovering yourselves you decide to bring your baggage into a relationship and expect it to be a.o.k.

I can see why she needs a break- in fact you need one too!

She has a lot of issues to work on, a lot. Frankly, she's the only one that can work through them; it makes things a lot harder and causes a lot of stress in a relationship if you were to work to work on your problems.

My suggestion to you is to break off this relationship you'll only drag each other down. I'm not saying this relationship is doomed forever but you BOTH should be alone for a while- especially you, you came from a very long relationship.

Once your out of a long relationships sometimes you feel like you've lost your identity, and then your so used to having that person by your side the next person that comes by, no matter how many problems they themselves have seem great, unfortunately that's not always the case; the only reason they seem great is because A) they aren't your ex B) you have someone by your side again.


I'm more than sure that once you end this relationship; concentrate on yourself and push ALL relationships a side you will start to see that this relationship is NOT for you nor would jumping to another be the best option.

Perhaps your girlfriend is having her own moment of realization that jumping into another relationship is not the wisest thing to do, especially after all she's been through.

Sadly this is what happens when you look before you leap.

Well that's my opinion.

Good luck to you.

Sarah

At first I basically told her I wasn't cool with waiting a week and asked if she just wants to end it. She called back and left a message that if I didn't give her a week to think it would be over, so I told her I would give her a week ever more if she needed it.

Well give her the week and like I said before Don't Push , it'll just make her pull away more.

Generally it's a way of easing into the break and easing her guilt.

She kind of made me feel guilty when I told her I would feel weird now camping with her family. I already deleted her number from my phone so I don't call her or text her. Is camping a horrible idea? Could it make it better?

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Originally Posted by eas123

at first i basically told her i wasnt cool with waiting a week and asked if she just wants to end it. She called back and left a message that if i didnt give her a week to think it would be over, so i told her i would give her a week ever more if she needed it.

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I think she wants to end it.

I'm also wondering... why does she need a week? Why just a week; what is she going to do? What could possibly happen in a week that'll make everything better in your relationship that it would no longer be over?

Hmm..

Sounds fishy to me.

Sarah

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Originally Posted by eas123

she kind of made me feel guilty when i told her i would feel weird now camping with her family. i already deleted her number from my phone so i dont call her or text her. Is camping a horrible idea? Could it make it better?

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She made you feel guilty?? Hey this is all her idea , don't hang about like a little puppy doing whatever she wants. That way you just look weak and she knows she can have you anytime she wants.

Time to get tough my friend.

Thanks guys, just don't feel like being alone again. Not sure what will happen in a week either. That's why I was pushing her to end it. Everyone I know thinks she is somewhat crazy even though I don't think so, but I have caught myself not going out with my friends to hang out with her all the time. Which I shouldn't have done cause I lost contact with them in my previous relationship when I moved to a different state while my ex fiancé was in dental school.

Thanks guys, just hate breaking up, and don't feel like being alone again. I don't know what will happen within a week either, and being long distance just makes everything worse. Everyone I know doesn't think she is good for me and thinks she is somewhat crazy but for some reason I still love her.. I did catch myself not hanging out with friends I finally started to reconnect with after moving back into state after moving for my ex. I just don't know how we could have such a great week have one argument the last night and that causing the end.

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Originally Posted by eas123

thanks guys, just don't feel like being alone again.

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Sorry, but you need to learn to be alone. It's hard at first but it gets better. Learning to be alone will enable you to have a healthy relationship in the future.

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not sure what will happen in a week either. That's why I was pushing her to end it.

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You end it. You finish the job; she obviously doesn't want to. She even said "If you don't give me a week I'll end it". She wants it to be over but for some reason she's holding back.

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Everyone I know thinks she is somewhat crazy even though I don't think so,

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Of course you don't, she's your girlfriend. Right now your so blinded because your in this relationship.

Sometimes it takes a person to back up to realize that they were standing on a pile of BS.

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but I have caught myself not going out with my friends to hang out with her all the time. Which I shouldn't have done cause I lost contact with them in my previous relationship when I moved to a different state while my ex fiancé was in dental school.

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This gives me more than enough reason to tell you to end it.

It's not helping you nor her.

Do it for yourself. Get some personal growth.

You'll be okay.

AMHD is always here for support.

Sarah

She called me tonight and said that she didn't mean we should take a break from each, and that she just meant a couple days break from all stress. She said she loves me and came across the wrong way the other night. She said she is just very very stressed and lonely. What do you think and how should I respond?