Me and her were talking today and she kind of pissed me off, but its not that I was mad, more like annoyed because she is always being "mean". Now I understand why she is doing this. Her family is nothing but a bunch of s and she takes it out on me. So I told her just rechanel that and just talk to me about it. So after a few minutes of silence she asked me if I still wanted to go out. I said yes, of course and told her that I love her. Then I told her what I just said about talking to me about why she is "mean". I don't want this to end please help and give me suggestions about what to say and do.

Is she being mean or is she taking anger out on you?

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Originally Posted by Demented Deity

Me and her were talking today and she kinda pissed me off, but its not that I was mad, more like annoyed

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Pissed off, mad and annoyed are 3 entirely different emotions. So I think she may be onto something.

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Originally Posted by Demented Deity

because she is always being "mean". Now I understand why she is doing this. Her family is nothing but a bunch of s and she takes it out on me.

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I think she's mean to you because she wants to break up. Blaming her family for your problem with her is a cop out for her behavior.

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Originally Posted by Demented Deity

So I told her just rechanel that and just talk to me about it. So after a few minutes of silence she asked me if I still wanted to go out.

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She gets "mean" with you then asks if you want to break up. To me that is a girl looking to make you break up with her so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.

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Originally Posted by Demented Deity

I said yes, of course and told her that I love her. Then I told her what I just said about talking to me about why she is "mean". I don't want this to end please help and give me suggestions about what to say and do.

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I'd ask her why she acts out at you and if this is what you are to expect more of in the future. If so I'd make it clear that's not the kind of relationship you want to be in. I'd also ask her if she is trying to break up with you by acting out like she does.

If her family is so much trouble, then you just got to cope with the fact that she might take things out on you.

Just remind her that you are on her side and that you are not her enemy.

Comfort her and let her know that she can always talk to you and that you will always listen to her.

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Originally Posted by Demented Deity

Me and her were talking today and she kinda pissed me off, but its not that I was mad, more like annoyed because she is always being "mean". Now I understand why she is doing this. Her family is nothing but a bunch of s and she takes it out on me. So I told her just rechanel that and just talk to me about it. So after a few minutes of silence she asked me if I still wanted to go out. I said yes, of course and told her that I love her. Then I told her what I just said about talking to me about why she is "mean". I don't want this to end please help and give me suggestions about what to say and do.

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That's all she knows -- how to be "mean." She's lived it all her life. You said rechannel and she was quiet for a few minutes and then she wondered if you still wanted to go out (i.e. "do you still love me even when I was bad?"). She's like a three y/o constantly testing, testing, testing -- "how much do you care, how far can I push the envelope. After all, that's what we do at home, but no one backs down there, just walks away mad" (which is what she expects you to do). But you stick around and she doesn't quite know what to do about that. Keep sticking around and be the stable one. Be calm and don't ask for explanations (there aren't any). Accept her for who she is. Be her soft place to fall.

(If it weren't for her family, I would agree with Chuff, that she's looking for a way to dump you without being the bad guy, but I think something deeper is going on here.)

I do think she is using her family as an excuse. She can chose to be mean or not, but maybe that is the only way out for her. She could also be trying to figure out how much your willing to go through with her and her family. Almost like a test. There are many possibilities. You can not really ask strangers what to say and not say. You need to do what you think is best in your heart, but just know that maybe it does not matter what you say. The same out come you fear might happen anyway.

Who really knows. Take the time. Communicate and see where it goes.

She doesn't believe she's good enough for you, and doesn't deserve you, so she will pull out all the stops (being "mean") in order to get rid of you. Like I said, if you want to keep her around, stay calm and continue to do what you're doing.