Hi everyone, I want to share my stories and hopefully I can get some idea s and some words of wisdom from you forum members,
I am 25y and she was 21 when we meet, I am not 27 and she 23 now so it’s been little over two years since we meet and started our long-distance relationship. I live in Norway and she in USA.

We meet true someone we both know and we clicked and started to stay in touch, we were very attracted to each other and we both started to love each other over the first year by just talking and such. We even planned to marry in the future and we had everything sorted out. We had one issue and that was the moving part and the distance.

So basically to make it very short and in detailed as I can, in a list:

1: We meet and we instantly fall in love, and we decide to stay in touch.

2:I visit here parents and family , and they all love me, and me and my have sex, and it’s the first time for here and me. We were both waiting for that right one. I was there for 4 weeks.

2: 3 months later we meet up in New York for 1 week and we have a great time, and she tells me how in love she is and how much she cares for me and all that other sweet stuff. She was so affectionate towards me.

3: We part, and we stay in touch and talk and we can talk for hours and everything seems perfect. At this time her sister’s marriage with that person we both know in Norway is not working out, as he broke his promise to her about coming to USA. He didn’t want to move now suddenly. I don’t know if this affected her decision to break up.

4:1 year later I visit here again and she seems distance and not cold and when I say I love you, she is quite. And the entire trip feels awe full, I could sense something wrong and I tried to talk about it. So I leave with a bad taste in my mouth. And a few months later she breaks up with me, giving me canned excuses like we were not meant to together and that she don’t feel the same.

5: I do the pleading and begging and trying to figure out what she missed in the relationship, and just like the last time I meet here she is just ignoring me and being cold. And her sisters deal is just getting worse and worse and they are about to break it.
This is the story so far so far coming to the breakup.

Please read the next post about what happened in the salad stage and more info, thanks for reading so far.


Laghman

Some more info about his:

I was in the salade stage for 6 months , its was good some times and bad soemtimes. I dide all the normal mistakes.Beggina and pleading and promising to change things.

She would tell me that action speaks louder then words, I guess she wanted me to show here and not just talk. And she also told me that I never gave here space so she could realize here mistake an take me back,but not she HATES me for ever knowing me, yeah kind of harsh.

So I finally I find out she is having a rebound, just getting to know him was what she sayed, and she been seeingfor 1 month . I don't think it will last, and here parents would never approve a person from a different country then here,they are very traditonel, and they don't know she is seeing him. They would not approve, so I believe it would be a 6months thing at most.

So after this I got pretty much heartbroken again and my head was in the gutter, and I implemented NC cause I this was draining me life out of me.After two months I feelt so much better and I send here a message to implement my plan correctly ,and she actually replied and was not angry like she used to be. But I was not expecting anything as I was not really saying much in the email about wanting here, I just wanted to leave things on a better note.

This is the email I wrote:
********************************
Hi XXXXX, I just wanted to say a quick hello but more importentently I want wanted to say that I am
Sorry for how things ended with use, I wish we could have parted differently and under different circumstances.

I have something good and exciting going on with my life right now and I am very excited about it, and I am
Also moving on with my life and doing the things I wanted to do.

You where right to end the relationship, and I don't have any hard feelings towards you for it anymore.
Things in both our lifes where complicating our relationship and it was just not the right time for any of use, maybe in the
Future we can catch up and see how things are then.

Regardles of what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart wajia, cause you showed me your beautifull personality and
Your warmt, and I will always cherris and remember that. The only thing I am sorry about is that we dident make an effort to work it out.

I know there is a lot of things going on in your life and family right now and I understand you need your space and talking now is
Not going to do any good, that's why I have not called or texted you, I want to you give you your space.
I know you told your family that your are not talking to me anymore and I understand why now.. considering how things are.
If you want to talk and share your thoughts with someone , you know I am there for you and to listen to you.
If you feel talking to me is not what you want or to risky, I will understand.

Take care
XXXXX



Here reply:
*****************
Hi there,
I am doing well, everything is going normal as usual and nothing new. I am working and going to school, same old same. You don't have to be sorry for anything because that how people get to know each other and gain experience of life. I don't regret my past because I always learn something new from it. I am glad you moved on and doing well. Also, I know my personality isn't always beautiful or pleasant but everyone have to make things smoother for themselves and see what is good for them, which is partially selfish and actually for the better. Anyway, I am glad you are doing well and hope your respected family is doing good. Thanks for being there for me, I appreciate it but everything is going great here so.
Have a great time.
*****************


So this is as far I have gotten right now, now I need help from guys to move forward.

Please read next post about my plan, thanks for reading so far, I really appriate it

Regards
Laghman

So what do I do now?

I am reading this really nice book about how to get here back by building yourself to me more of a man and become a better you.

I am willing to move to chicago and get a job and work there, and I am planning to move there in about 6 months, and hopefully by then some of the feelings she had for me would have surfaced and we can try to find back. If she is not seeing the rebound still that, I am getting near here if he is around still. I have alleady found a apartment and a job there, so that is taken care of.So distance will not be a problem, and I can try to build a bond with here, if I can manage to get here to agree to see me again , just to catch up and the take it from there. I am using my lovely book to this part and how to deal with everyyhing.

This way I can prove to here that I am seriouse and want to make progress and move the relationship in the right direction.And show here, and not just be all hot air and talk about it only. Cause she would say, you always talk about it, do something about it.

I know longdistance is really hard and I might be digging a deeper hole, but my mindset is that if don't work, I will survie and get over it and find someone more mature. TO be honest I feel I am making a lot of sacrificese to make this work. But I also believe she is worth it.

I also treated here like gold and always rememberd every little or big occasion and would always pay attention and listen to here. It's a shame she dident tell me what was bothering here and then let it ruin what we had buildt over these 2 .5 years.

What do you guys think, and any idea and hints on how to approch here when I get there?
I will keep you all posted on any new progress and hopefully this will help some other out there.

Thanks again for reading my storie, it means a lot.

Regards
Laghman

Sorry dude, hate to say it, but this relationship is really over, and all you have are memories. Go out, and make some more with someone else, as its rather obvious she has moved on, and so should you.

Leave her completely alone to enjoy her life, and you get one, and enjoy yours. Thats what you do now.

Anything else is a waste of your time, and you risk losing your dignity, and self respect, by chasing someone who doesn't want you, and has told you so!

Again, sorry for your loss.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry dude, hate to say it, but this relationship is really over, and all you have are memories. Go out, and make some more with someone else, as its rather obvious she has moved on, and so should you.

Leave her completely alone to enjoy her life, and you get one, and enjoy yours. Thats what you do now.

Anything else is a waste of your time, and you risk losing your dignity, and self respect, by chasing someone who doesn't want you, and has told you so!

Again, sorry for your loss.

---

I guess you are right that it looks pretty much like that she have moved on and she is just not intererested and here last email also indicated that.

I know you are harsh, and I appritiate that, and you are most likely right.
And if I think about it, if she was under a lot of pressure, she would not date another dude.
She could have had that guy on here mind for a long time, and lied about.. I would not be suprissed.

I am not really looking for reigniting the old relationship, but more of less looking for start a new without the obstucles we had inbetwen use. As I know the old relationship is done and goone, and there is no point in trying to bring that from the grave.

But I am also realistic, things are looking very grimm and my chances are very slim at best, but I am not going forward in a way that would make me loose my selfrespsect or any of that. I knew a few years ago that I would eventually move to chicago, cause I work as a private equity fund manager, and most of my clients live there.It was just a luck that she was also from the city. So I am not really looking for excuses.

So moving for me is something that would need to be done, regardless if she have moved on or not. I don't plan to contact or convince here at all, I want the approch to come from here, and if it don't I am okey with it. And she would know when I move, word gets around.
And I still have good ties with here family, but I try to limit it. I will not be chasing here at all, and I'm sure I will meet someone other there,I am having my options open to new girls to have a new relationship and memories with .

I will at least give it a try, and it won't require that much effort, and it can't hurt to at least have the door open in case the cat does change here mind(slim chance) but I will not just feed the cat just like that. SHe would need to do a lot of purring before that happened lol

Thanks again for replying, means lot.

Regards
Laghman

Another thing that crossed my mind, would anyone expect a different reply,considering I only told here this:

1:I am over you
2:Sorry it dident work out
3:Maybe we can catch up in the future.
4:Left the communication lines open,case she wanted to talk.

So it would be follish to expect anything else then a mirror of what I wrote. I def not was not expecting to hear here undying love for me. I am not tryingt to be disrespectfull, so I hope I don't offende you in any way.

I was expecting her to stay cold, and stay adement about here decision. After all, I dident tell here I love here, so there was no reason for her to say anything.

I know she is dating this rebound guy, and as long as she is dating him, ill pretend she never existed. But I also know that it will never last,that I know for sure.But that don't mean she will get together with me, and even if she want to get back. I will not make it easy for here.

You see I have the nice guy syndrom, I was just to damn nice and not really building attracing and I do see some of my flaws. But again, she took the easy road and bailed. And she told me longdistance is hard, and I agreed. That's why I believe that when I do fix the distance issue, she can have the pleasure of chassing me around. And make she don't take me for granted, cause I know she I spoiled here.

She might sounds very mature on that email, but believe me she can act like a little girl sometimes and really be inmature. I believe that she has a lot of growing up to do, and the idea of getting married just sounded good to hear, but I guess she got scared.

Here is something else, she also told me that she loves the way I care and love here. But the way I love her is like getting chained. I gueess I was very needy at the end. And I was to be honest, I would always complain and tell how my day was. Anyway , don't is done and eaten is eaten.

Wow this little reply became big, anyway, I will keep everyone updated.I am not that overly concerned if I get here back or not, asi have been working on my mind set . And I know I can life without her.But when you got something good you should not give up on it that easly. And I'm sure she will realize that the grass is not greener then the otherside. Anways, I will still live and breath and find someone else, but ill make an effort as well, without giving my selfrespect and dignity away, there are ways of doing that and keeping both.

Take care and again, I really appriate you taking time to read it.

Regads
Laghman