My life has done a complete 360 since last year.. I had so many plans and goals set out for myself and in just from one HOLIDAY to the next day it changed... I had to begin setting up my goals and plans a lone rather than with my partner.. the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I must say that I have been strong throughout this whole process.. this new change.. I have managed to accomplish many things... I've met people but none like what I had.. Although I have no problem being a lone I think to myself is this the way I am going to be forever... I do think about him every now and then.. I do run into him.. I do miss him.. but I do not know if he is "the one"... Sometimes I get so frustrated with this idea of "the one"... Today, they have tips and questions to ask yourself to determine if your _lover_ is "THE ONE"... but you know what.. ITS BULL! I think the only thing that will help you answer the question, "IS HE THE ONE?" Is what you feel in your heart... Your heart will help you with the answer...

I am so confused sometimes... becuase I feel that I still love him... but I don't know if I am deeply in love with him... and when I see him I do get the butterflys but then again when I have him something doesn't feel right... I see myself comparing him to every man I meet... I always think of the wonderful things he did for me... but yet.. I still don't know..

I hate being confused... What can I do to take this away? I don't think there is much I can do.. I think only I can answer that..

But if anyone feels the same.. please give me some advice...

:confused:

Are you currently with him or is it an on and off kind of thing? Honestly I think you should be by yourself for a little bit and figure things out. If something about him does not feel right then maybe you are just trying to tell yourself that he is perfect for you when he really isn't, but you do not want to let go. In this case I suggest you tell him this and maybe talk it out and perhaps break it up and stay broken up. If however you are already broken up, then try NC and know that you WILL miss him, but this is normal and you must go through this if you want to feel better and ready to pursue a relationship with someone who truly may be THE ONE.

I know! And that seems so selfish at times... No, we cut it off but it seems to be that I run into him and it is usually in odd places... We went through a lot together and I guess I just got tired of everything we went through and it kind of pushed the relationsip away... He does not know how I feel and then again.. I will never tell him because that's just the way I am.. But I do see myself second guessing myself...

I always have that feeling that I may regret something in the end.. but then again I did give a lot in the relationship so I feel that I did do my part..

Hmm all right well if he is still trying to get back with you then you HAVE to explain your feelings to him, you have to learn to do this. Also, second guessing yourself is a sign that you do not totally trust yourself and that you probably are not too confident. I recommend that you evaluate your feelings and mind very thoroughly and rationally then act when you are sure and NEVER second guess yourself, sometimes its just your emotions of pain and fear that make you do that. If he isn't trying to to get back then you must go NC right away. When you run into him somewhere, just say hi and leave, that's it. You must get over him. No you are not going to be alone forever and yes the pain does stop. NC is a way to heal and evaluate yourself and what your wants and needs are in life.

The "one" is a very tricky way of thinking.

Instead, try asking yourself these questions. Do you feel happy and secure around him?

Love shouldn't make you so confused and have so many doubts. Love should be much more natural. It shouldn't take so much work to make a relationship work.

The best bet for you is to let go of all these doubts that linger around this one guy and find someone else where things happen more naturally.

RELAX. You already know he is not the one, because you didn't communicate, and work together, to build a future together. Forget about that part.

What your going through is dealing with your own feelings, that all humans have, when a comfortable attachment is made with another human, and that attachment is broken, and the shock has to be worked through. Its only natural, and every time you see each other, those old feelings get stirred up again. That's also very natural and normal.

Give yourself time to let your emotional dust settle, so you can deal with your feelings, and make the adjustments to move forward with your own plans, without him. It will get better, so try not to second guess your feelings, and decisions, too much.

Be patient with yourself as healing after a break up, takes time.

Quote:

---

I had to begin setting up my goals and plans a lone rather than with my partner.. the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

---

That's not working with your potential life partner very well and hard to maintain a relationship without honest communications. Not a good way to relate to the man you think you will spend your life with.

Just something to consider for the future.

Thank you...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dazednconfused4

...Although I have no problem being a lone I think to myself is this the way I am going to be forever...
:confused:

---

When you start wondering if you are going to be alone forever and then regress to missing your boyfriend, you are putting the blinders back on. You are settling on the good memories, and selectively forgetting the bad ones.

I have been where you are, and I have had the same thoughts of being alone. I realized that I would rather be alone, than with the wrong guy. I have walked away from many Mr. Almost Perfects, because I want my happiness to be for the rest of my life and not just for the holiday.

I recently found the man of my dreams. In the past, whenever we "broke-up", we were back together within 24 hours because it hurt more to be apart than to be mad at each other. That's when I knew he was the one for me.

You are right... And I find myself thinking about that a lot. I use to fear being a lone but to be honest for the past year I have been fine with the fact that I have been a lone...

Yeah, we went through a lot of bad times but there were more good ones than bad... I just found myself losing trust and once I lost that trust its like the entire relationship fell apart...

He was a great guy though... He did prove to change... but I was fed up... I gave my all and he began to give it all when he messed up and realized he was losing me...

I guess it all just faded away... But I do appreciate all the advice.. it helps big time!

Love is not confusing. If it is confusing it is not love.

To get rid of the confusion, get rid of the source aka the person causing it.

I think you already know he's not "the ONE" or whatever.

I don't think you're confused. I think you just feel bad.

I think totally different that everyone... I 100% know he is the "ONE". Give yourself time to trust him. He has tried to get back with you for the past YEAR and HALF.. It takes a great man to do that. HE has learned from his mistakes and that's why he has become the great person he is today.. while your thinking backwards he is thinking forward cause he knows what to offer... HE is and will always be FULL of love... LOVE that he really wants to give you for the rest of your life. SO YES he is the one. FOR ING SURE HE IS!! I'm so sure that I give myself goose pumps... lol... He might not contact you often, but he knows who his "QUEEN" is.. ITS YOU... HE LOVES HIS PUGGY... xoxoxoxo

You have to ask yourself why you feel he may not be right for you. Is it because you are independent and you feel the relationship holds you back?
Ask yourself pros and cons type things about the relationship and see what it looks like to you after that.