Ask Me Help Desk - How can I leave my drug addict Husband?

I feel stupid. i've been married 4 years but it seems longer. My husband is a drug user. Every time i get paid, he goes into my account and takes money. He pretends he is going to change and uses me every time he has no money, place to stay or eat. i've tried to kick him out but the law says we are married and i can't. I live in florida. He pushed our 4 year old daughter in the head last week because of anger. I don't qualify for any assistance but i can barely make it. We have 3 kids and i pay all of the bills. I got my own account so i can hide money but i'm tired of living this way. I don't want to go to a shelter but i'm desperate. Somebody please give me advice. i've enabled him too long. Feel like i'm in a nightmare. i've lost so much and finally got my kids stabled but he is starting over again with his relapses. He has been in and out of progrms. Please help me with solutions. Thank you.

Something isn't right here because I don't see how they can make someone that is abusing a child stay.
Child Protective Services would have a different take on this saying your daughter should not be around an abuser but then I don't think they would actually do anything but make you make him leave or lose your kid if he refuses.

Pack yourself and the kids up and move to a shelter, back home with your parents, somewhere where he cannot get to you. Close any accounts that he has access to and put all of your money into only a secure account. Hire a lawyer, and file for divorce. If necessary you get CPS involved. You do what ever necessary to protect your children and yourself from abuse. This is non negotiable!

Why do you stay.

If things are so desperate, and you keep repeating this nightmare every time he relapses, why is a shelter not something you would consider.

You need to put your needs aside and realize that you are raising three children in a very destructive, dysfunctional, emotionally damaging environment. They are being raised to see your energy and emotional upset as 'normal', and their father's behaviour as 'normal'. This is very unhealthy, and you are choosing to stay.

What could possibly be worse that what you have now.

Women's shelters are there for a reason, even if you need to be protected from yourself, in order to provide a safe haven for your children.

They have to come first, and that's all there is to it. Do the right thing, get out, get your life together, and only then will you have a stable life.

I am experiencing a similar dilemma and truly I feel any family issues involving drugs leads to heartache and tears. I have been married for 7 years and been together with my husband for 8 years. We have a 6 year old child and it just breaks my heart every time I think about this nightmare I am in. I still love my husband and wish things were different. He has a kind heart, gentle in spirit and never uses violence or anger towards me even when he is high. I am always hopeful and I know it sounds extremely stupid to say I still have hope but because I love him so much and I want so much to keep this family to stay together (especially considering I came from a broken family). I think the hope and faith is what keeps me from going insane and having a complete melt down. I have had family and friends tell me to leave but it is not that easy. It sounds easy and straight forward but there is a whole lot of issues involved in the decision to leave or stay. There is the obvious issue of our child and how it will affect her, the issues of both in laws, structure and rebuilding again. My advice is to explore all the avenues you can think of and if you get stuck ask for professional advice or assistance. But at the same time take care of yourself where possible so at least you are not left cold and dry. By this I mean, don't lose track of the things that make you happy and where possible do the things that make you happy. Save any money you can and have a plan in place as to where you will go and what you will do if the decision is to break up. But in the end, we can drain ourselves trying to help our partners but the day comes when we cannot force or guilt our partners into doing the right thing. But more so, we need to take care of ourselves and make the hard choice not easy choice to leave and rebuild our lives.

This is from 2009 - please keep an eye on the dates

Wow you posted a long time ago about this but man your words are heart felt. My husband feels the same way as you and we are in between a decision of divorce or making it work somehow. If you could respond back I would greatly appreciate it. I would love to hear your advise!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAconso4

I am experiencing a similar dilemma and truly I feel any family issues involving drugs leads to heartache and tears. I have been married for 7 years and been together with my husband for 8 years. We have a 6 year old child and it just breaks my heart every time I think about this nightmare I am in. I still love my husband and wish things were different. He has a kind heart, gentle in spirit and never uses violence or anger towards me even when he is high. I am always hopeful and I know it sounds extremely stupid to say I still have hope but because I love him so much and I want so much to keep this family to stay together (especially considering I came from a broken family). I think the hope and faith is what keeps me from going insane and having a complete melt down. I have had family and friends tell me to leave but it is not that easy. It sounds easy and straight forward but there is a whole lot of issues involved in the decision to leave or stay. There is the obvious issue of our child and how it will affect her, the issues of both in laws, structure and rebuilding again. My advice is to explore all the avenues you can think of and if you get stuck ask for professional advice or assistance. But at the same time take care of yourself where possible so at least you are not left cold and dry. By this I mean, don't lose track of the things that make you happy and where possible do the things that make you happy. Save any money you can and have a plan in place as to where you will go and what you will do if the decision is to break up. But in the end, we can drain ourselves trying to help our partners but the day comes when we cannot force or guilt our partners into doing the right thing. But more so, we need to take care of ourselves and make the hard choice not easy choice to leave and rebuild our lives.