My Wife's male friends-should I be worried.
I will try and make this simple. Me 55, my wife 54. Me no kids, she 3 adult kids 19, 20, 25I am her 4th husband. This is my second marriage. We have been married 6 years.
When we met she had been divorced since 1995 from a Physician. She was married to him for 10 years. Prior to that she was married twice at a very young age and they did not last. I think her issues have been lifelong depression related to a large degree.
She was living with a guy for a few years before we met but he was a flake in the end and she ended the relationship. One of her friends, Mark introduced them Mark will be central to this discussion in a bit.
After we met she wanted me to help her with her cell phone bills, back in the day where there were a million packages. Thought nothing more of it. By the way I have an almost photographic memory when it comes to numbers.
Several years into our marriage, I discovered she had an e-mail address that was her old e-mail, not her new married name one. She left it open one night and there was a guy e-mailing her as though she was not married, and yet he kniew she was. He would ask her to meet for "adult beverages" and once asked to meet her for a "re-union" at a local Marriot. I got suspicions, but instead of bringing it up, tried to become a spy and put a GPS in her car.
One day while I was doing some work for HER family, she goes over to this guys house for 3 hours. He was newly divorced and a multi-millionaire. I also put a tape recorder in her car. Long story short I was livid and brought it up. This was probably the wrong move as I should have kept my temper. Any way, she realized that I must have had some kind of tracking device in her car and found it. So I became the bad guy not her.
Previously she explained that this person was just a long time friend, which was partially true, but here is the Number part. On her phone bill, before we met they used to call each other 15-20 times a day, early in the morning at work etc. So I knew he was more than a friend. She finally admitte that she saw him before we were married and that had a sexual involvement for 8 months or so. He was separated at the time. I was very uncomfortable with the whole deal.
I put another tracking device in her car, and they would meet for lunch often, but I never really caught her at anything, just became very suspicious and jealous. She said I could not tell her who her friends should be and she never did anything wrong. I did not tell her that I had recorded a conversation in her car between the two, when she left his place. He asked her when he could see her again and she said "on Friday nights when my husband is out of town." Those words stuck forever.
Needless to say I got busted again when she found the second tracking device and a tape recorder. So now she does not truse me. I blew over eventually when the guy moved away to another state. However, he keeps e-mailing her now at work and asks to meet her in Vegas etc. spring break whatever. She just tells me she never responds and that is just the kind of guy he is.
While I was worried about him, it turns out that I find out she meets this OTHER guy, her best friend from above, they meet at a shopping center and they drive away in his car to get lunch. This guy is newly married and all I know is they would go out to eat. ONce though, while his wife was out of town they did go to his house for a few hours. They would call each other once a week or so. She never tried to cover up his phone calls.
About three years ago his wife called our house and demanded that my wife stop seeing him. I never said I knew about it because I did not think anything was going on, but could never prove it either way. They did stop all contact with each other and I am 100% sure of this.
Back to the millionaire guy. A few months ago he had a friend die who lived here. He e-mailed my wife and said he was going to Houston, you only live once in life, why does she not meet him there for a few days?? I got pissed again, lost my cool. Of course I had to reveal that I had her work e-mail which she did not know. I also, had this guy's e-mail password. Again, I became wrong because I was spying on her, and she said nothing ever happened. I told her it was at the least inappropriate.
Now to the worst... I put a very very hidden gps in her car, and she ends up going to her friends house (the one whose wife told them to break it off) for hours, and hours. I got upset again confronted her, and of course had to reveal I had a third gps. They also went to lunch a couple of times and she did go by his place for a few hours each time.
Needless to say she was totally livid that I was spying on her again. THE WORST PART is yet to come... Why did she go over there to see him. Turns out his wife died of skin cancer, and this is for real. I felt really bad of course and now have become the total bad guy in all this.
From her standpoint she feels I had no reason to ever be upset, jealous or suspicious because never did anything wrong. A few weeks ago I put a recorder in her car to see what is really going on and it seems like they are just friends, but I am still uncomfortable.
They have been seeing each other every other week or so for lunch. She has not told me and I know because I have a 4th gps in her car which she will never discover. She still says they are friends nothing more. She has told him about some of these goings on (not about the other millionaire guy though oddly).
I ran into her friend the other day at the grocery store, and he says, they are nothing but friends, not to worry, and that romance ruins friendships.
What do I make of all of this. She almost threw me out because she says I have always over reacted. Maybe I have. I have told her she should have told the millionaire guy in no uncertain terms that she was happily married, and for him not to be in contact with her anymore. She again says I cannot tell her who her friends are.
What do you all think?