Ask Me Help Desk - I had sex with my boyfriends best friend and enjoyed it

I have been in a serious relationship for almost 10 years with a wonderful man. He is loving and generous and loves me very much. Recently we have been talking about marriage and how we are going to go about it. Currently we do not live together and have never in the past, but we were thinking of moving in together in November.

In high school, before I met my current boyfriend, I had a major crush on his best friend. That never happened for me and I met my boyfriend and we have been together ever since.

I went out this last weekend and had a lot of fun with my bf's best friend which ended up carrying over into the bedroom. The only thing is that I think I enjoyed sex with his best friend better than the sex I have with my boyfriend. I also feel horrible about doing it.

Is this a sign that I'm not happy in my current relationship? Is this just a hiccup that I should forget about? I don't want to tell my boyfriend because it would cause a lot of unnecessary drama, or is it something he should know?

Your making it sound like it is not a big deal to have slept with your boyfriends best friend.

What you did is not right and nonchalant way of you telling your story.

You have betrayed your boyfriend. You boyfriends best friend betrayed him.

You TWO are meant for each other.

Move on and tell your boyfriend that you slept with his best friend. See how things go.

Well I guess if you have to cheat and have low morals , you may as well enjoy it.

You definitely need to tell him. It doesn't matter how much you want to avoid 'unnecessary drama'. If you respect him at all you will tell him now instead of trying to hide it from him. Things like that have a tendency to come back to bite you in the HARD when you try to bury them.

I wouldn't equate anything like that as a hiccup. You need to really stop and think about what would possess you to get carried away. It does mean that maybe you aren't taking the relationship serious enough.
Whatever you do you need to step back and reevaluate everything and DO NOT move in with your boyfriend until you get it together about where everything stands with you.

I'm sorry, but I am sure you can't love someone, and then cheat on them. If I love someone, I sure don't cheat on him.
You need to tell your boyfriend what you did, and then hope he doesn't leave you.
It's a terrible thing you did.

Are you serious............!!!!!!!!

If you are I hope your boyfriend finds out and dumps your non caring A55 , and then loses his so called best friend.

Perhaps you can seek out his brother and father next. You already slept with his best friend.

I honestly think this is a sign you do not have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship yet.

I say this because if you ARE in a real relationship, you would know there are boundries you do NOT cross.

And his "best" friend is no real friend if he slept with you. Friends do not sleep with their friends partners... PERIOD, EVER.

Thinking they are good looking... OK, thinking, damn if we were both free I could go for that... OK, but adults recognise there are some people you do not mess with for any reason. In case nobody ever taught you this, you do not sleep with relatives... spouses of relatives, or partners of friends.

Incidentally, just how old are you?

Drama caused by sleeping with boyfriend's best friend? Necessary. You guys need to tell your boyfriend.

The fact that you slept with your boyfriend's best friend? Now that is what sounded unnecessary to me.

You should tell your boyfriend and hope for the best, he deserves to know before your relationship gets any more serious than it is. It's terrible that two of the people closest to him would betray him like this. The man isn't a friend of your boyfriend that's for sure.
I also agree with others that the way you wrote this makes it sound as though it isn't a big deal to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleepingvenus

I went out this last weekend and had a lot of fun with my bf's best friend which ended up carrying over into the bedroom. The only thing is that I think I enjoyed sex with his best friend better than the sex I have with my boyfriend. I also feel horrible about doing it.

The fact that you enjoyed it more is most likely because it was new and exciting, nothing more. Or you could be one of those people who gets a thrill out of "being naughty,"

Well, on the plus side, you aren't engaged, living together, married, or have children. Those complications aside, that leaves you to think about what you've done before you do have those complications down the road should you decide to marry your boyfriend.

Married people have affairs all the time it seems, and advice generally revolves around either not telling and leaving the past in the past if it was a meaningless, one night stand that you have vowed to never repeat.

Or, people say fess up, let the chips fall where they may, in which case, usually marriage counselling, or serious work on the part of the couple can repair the infidelity.

Then again, some people would consider it worthy of divorce, which may explain the high divorce rate in North America.

You have invested 10 years in this relationship, and I have to wonder why marriage has taken so long to happen in the first place. Maybe that is what needs to be considered her as well, regardless of the affair.

Perhaps if your commitment was in marriage, this never would have happened.

If you have been otherwise loyal and true to your boyfriend for 10 years (which is a lot more than many can say of their marriages), and you are sincerely remorseful for what you have done, that does not make you a bad person, nor does it mean your relationship with your boyfriend cannot work this out.

What makes it tricky is the fact that it was with his best friend. You have carried a torch for him all these years, and you finally had a shot at him. Because both you and your boyfriend know him, not telling him, would be worse than telling him. The friend is hardly faithful or loyal, and no doubt at some time, this will get back to your boyfriend.

Offer to attend couples counselling to find out what the meat and potatoes of your current long term relationship is composed of. My guess is there are more problems. If he won't go, you should invest some time in counselling yourself; not only to show your boyfriend that you are serious about a future with him and you are working on yourself, but for yourself. You need to know why you did what you did. I doubt that you are not able to control your sexual urges, there are reasons you did what you did.

You also have to accept that, regardless of that you found out your boyfriends best friend was better in the sack, that sex was better, but only because you cheated. Had you not cheated, you would have continued to be satisfied with what you have.

I would suggest not contacting the best friend, and give your boyfriend the honesty he deserves. Sit him down and just tell him what you have done. Far better he hear it from you. How honest you are with him, will most likely determine the outcome of a future with him.

You have not committed your life to your boyfriend, yet. However the chips fall, you will either be able to count your lucky stars that he's willing to forgive you, or you will be forced to re-evaluate your life, and look for someone else.

Good luck.

Well, its possible to be in love with a great person and not be able to move on to the next level...

Certainly I don't think sleeping with anyone else is OK unless you are open about it in your relationship... and you betrayed him on a deeper level by bedding the best friend.

So...

Whether you really want to marry him or whether you aren't ready, you still made a lousy choice...

And really... saying sex was better with the other man isn't comparing bananas to bananas. Sorry. Just had to say it.

There was a heightened mental state because it was another person, a new lover you've never experienced. This additional mental stimulation happens almost all the time when someone has sex for the first time with another... the unknown, the danger element, etc...

So... your experience might have been "better" than what you've had with your boyfriend... but don't place all of that on the guy... when together for a long time, most couples deal with the "been there, done that" aspect of sex... and you have to be willing to clear your mind and sometimes do some work to keep a sex life healthy.

Short of it all is don't marry a man if you cannot keep your word.

At this time, I don't trust you. Do you trust you?

It kind of just "moves" to the bedroom? Hmm... You cheated I think you should be half way respectable to your boyfriend and tell him since you weren't and cheated on him!

Why were you out with this guy anyway? Things don't just kind of move to the bedroom. This was something you wanted to do, probably have been wanting to do for a long time.
I'd venture to say since you have been dating this guy for 10 years (that is a long time, unless you starting dating when you were 10) you were probably thinking, this relationship is not going anywhere any way. I'd even venture to say you two are probably still together because "why throw away a pair of comfortable shoes"
I think you need to nix the "moving in" and break up. You are clearly not ready for marriage and if you guys are just "moving in" after dating for 10 years, neither one of you are ready for or want marriage.
Tell your boy friend what you did and move on, because things are not going to be the same after this anyway.
How old are you?

It all depends on what you want to do about it If it was just a moment thing, then that's all it was. If what you felt was strong enough to leave your boyfriend, then you know what to do. IF it were me, I would just keep it as an experience. Ask yourself how you would feel if he did this to his ex girlfriend, how would you take it if he said it was just a thing to do from the past.

What ever you do, never feel guilty of you're your past actions. What matters is what you are going to do now. Keep it a secret. No one needs to get hurt. Be true to yourself.

If you stay with your boyfriend, how are you going to be when his best friend comes around? Are you two going to just "wink wink" or does he feel guilty about what he did and stays away? Either way, your boy friend is going to pick up on this.
Sometimes guilt is a good thing. It keeps you from repeating the action. What you did was wrong and you don't need to be doing it again and I think if you see this guy again, you just might.
Another thing to ask yourself is What kind of guy goes out with and boinks his best friends girl?
You need to leave them both alone.

Mmm its been 2 days. Either she came back and didn't like the answers... or she just isn't going to come back.

I agree with all that has been said. I don't think you care. You need to tell him. And pray he forgives you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by maria73110

What ever you do, never feel guilty of your your past actions.

I'm Confused, are you saying that if I went on a massive killing spree, I shouldn't feel guilty about it the next day?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rich11111

I'm Confused, are you saying that if i went on a massive killing spree, i shouldn't feel guilty about it the next day??

I did not understand that either.
Guilt can be a good thing. When you do wrong, feeling guilty lets you know it was wrong and hopefully prevents you from repeating it. A person who never feels guilty about wrong doing has a serious problem IMO

"What did you do today honey?" "Oh well, I dropped off my dry cleaning, I got my nails done, I went to the new store on Main st. , and oh yea, I forgot to tell you that I HAD SEX ...not with just some guy, but with YOUR BEST FRIEND, and it was better than sex with you."

You started this out by saying how wonderful he was . Well you've taken away his girlfriend AND his best friend in one stroke. You act as though it's no big deal. Yes, he deserves better. It sounds like he was there for you, and loved and respected you. He deserves better... than YOU. You should be writing in, tears running down your face, asking how you can ever make things right. But no, not you, you're wondering what WE should read into you enjoying your cheating sexcapade. Go be with the "best friend", you two deserve each other. Go make each other miserable.