Ask Me Help Desk - Dream About An Ex

Uhm, hello. This is my first post here, and I hope to get a reply...

This morning, due to the fact I went to bed at 7AM, I had a dream about and ex, whom I shall call Fox. I was having a normal dream, I can't remember what it was because it wasn't important to me. I just remember I was laying in my cousin's bed because I was spending the night. I was laying there and thinking, 'Hey, I should call Fox because I haven't heard from him in a while.' I called him and an older man answered. It was his father, but I didn't know that at first. Being the shy person I am, I told him I had the wrong phone number and he insisted, 'Ah, it's okay if someone else answers someone's phone right? Here, I'll go get Fox.' So after a few moment, I heard Fox pick up the phone. He was still talking to his father at the time and they just kept talking, and the only thing he said to me was 'Hello' and then kept talking to his dad for a few more seconds. Before him and I had a chance to speak, I woke up.

Now that I am awake, I feel... kinda paranoid. Fragile or something.

Can someone help me figure out what's going on here?

Could you maybe provide more information about your past relationship with Fox. How long ye went out? What kind of relationship you had? Casual?. etc.

Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vicky_vtec

Could you maybe provide more information about your past relationship with Fox. How long ye went out? What kind of relationship you had? Casual?...etc.

Thanks.

Oh, hello. Thank you for such a quick reply.

Where to start... Fox and I went out for 10, almost 11 months. He broke up with me 2 years ago in August. I have dreams about him every once in a while, about one a month. When him and I were together, we would talk every, over the phone and net. Him and I only met in person once, for about 30 minutes. That was a few months after we started to date though. It was an 'internet' relationship you could say, or whatever you call it. After he left me, we weren't talking at all for about a year. I would always try to reach out to him at first and then I decided to give him some space. Every once in a while he would text me and such, and then we started to actually talk again in January. He still doesn't talk to me that much, because he's busy and such... But that's normal. I'm used to him going away for a long time... When I do call him every once in a while, he doesn't answer. Like I called him right after I woke up, which I was scared to do, haha.

If you need more info, I have something typed out about what happened. I'll gladly post it on here if you need it.

Ok. You say it was a "internet relationship" and youv'e only met with him once for a very short period. Have you ever been in a relationship other than this? Sorry but I am only trying to get all the facts before I can give you advice on what I think is the best thing for you to do. Maybe if you could also post that other info you say you have above.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vicky_vtec

Ok. You say it was a "internet relationship" and youv'e only met with him once for a very short period of time. Have you ever been in a relationship other than this? Sorry but i am only trying to get all the facts before i can give you advice on what i think is the best thing for you to do. Maybe if you could also post that other info you say you have above.

Actually, yes before him I had my first relationship. That was in person though, and it only lasted three months. I didn't really like it because of my withdrawn nature and I didn't like the thought of being kissed and such. Even now, at my current age (17), I haven't been kissed. I have dated after him, starting last year in October. All the time before that I was leaving myself for him, and... in October, he texted me saying he had someone and such, so I took it as a sign to try to move on. Currently I am in a relationship, and we've been dating for about a week now, haha. Anyway here's the whole story:

About.. 3 years ago, I think. My memory sucks at math, on a role-play(RP) myspace (when you make an anime character and pretend to be them; not anything dirty), I just was looking for friends, and I saw a picture of Tsukasa from .Hack//SIGN, one of my favourite anime. The screen name was 'Enix', so I added them. After he had accepted, we started to talk out of character automatically because I was RPing as myself, and he wasn't an RP character to begin with. That was in August, I am pretty sure. I would wake up at 5 AM every weekday to send him a message about my day and such, because that was the only time my mom wasn't home. My step-dad didn't really mind it. Another friend I knew at the time RPed with me and she talked to him too, finding out his name was Fox. I just called him 'Enix/Haseo-kun' and he called me Kawaii Angel. About 3 months after we started talking, he gave me his number. I was too shy to call him, so my friend called for me instead while I stood there freaking out. So when she gave me the phone, I was like, 'Hello.. ' 'So this is what the amazing Kawaii Angel sounds like.' And we talked for about 24 (mins):46 (secs). I am surprised I still remember that. And the next day I went to school (the call was on Sunday) and my friends were like 'Aww, are you going out? ' and I was like '... I don't know.' So I went home and called him, asking if we were. He was like, '.. I don't know either.' And so the next day, I was at youth group and I called him. Out of no where he told me to go sit down and close my eyes. I found a stair-case and sat on it and closed my eyes. He whispered to me, 'Now, imagine yourself sitting under a sakura tree.. the petals falling all around you. Now you feel arms wrapping around you from behind and whispering; Will you go out with me?' I was like freaking out and said yes and such and then I told him to look at the sunset, and we were looking at it together. That was in September. Everything was fine and such until... April, I think it was. I was up really late on a chat site and I met an awesome dude named J. I was like, 'woo, awesome dude!' and I added his MSN. Very attractive boy he was. We talked for a whole week and we started to like each other. The hour I had left before I left to Mexico for spring brake, J goes, 'I love you.' 'I love you too.' 'No, I LOVE you.' '... O-oh... ' And then I had to leave. And so I was gone for a week, all confused. When I came back, J came to me, 'Tenshi, I love you and I can't! You have Fox and I have S! I can't do this. I want you to hate me, please.' And I told him I can't hate him no matter what he does. So he told Fox. Fox left me for about two hours and we got back together on one condition. For me to never talk to J again. I agreed. Because of that, he also asked me to stop RPing. He thinks that's cheating too, but eh. And that summer we met. He was near where I live, so we went to go see him and we were together for about 30 minutes. I met his mama and daddy, older sister too. He only met my daddy. Our parents talked a bit while him and I were on the other side of the car talking and such. I couldn't even look him in the face, I am so shy. He thought it was cute apparently. And we were kind of clinging to each other and he looked down at me through his bangs, which covered his eyes, and whispered to me, 'Tenshi, Kiss me.' and I was very embarrassed, shocked, inexperienced, and I told him no, but I kissed his cheek. His older sister and mom watched me when I did. And before he left, he gave me a necklace. It had a key and a medal on it. The medal has a phoenix on one side which resembles rebirth and an eye on the other side, which is to protect me from bad luck. He wouldn't tell me what the key meant. And eventually he had to go home.. And everything was good again until he found out that I was RPing again, so he left me for good.. After he did, two of my friends sidded with him and then a few days after he left me, he was going out with S.. So, even though I asked him to stop talking to S in exchange for me not talking to J, I started to talk to J again. He would be all, 'Why are you talking to J for? Didn't I tell you not to talk to him anymore?' 'Well, I told you to stop talking to S and now you're going out?' and after that, we hardly ever spoke. J and I on the other hand would talk everyday. In January, the break up was in August, he sent me a myspace message saying that S and him broke up and such. He wanted my e-mail and password. I knew he was going to do who knows what to my profile, but at the time, I wanted him to see how much I was willing to give away for him... But after I sent the first message, with my password and such, I lost it mentally. I started to cry and everything I held in for the past months was let out. I don't think he ever even read the other messages I sent, telling how I felt. But, that night I cut for the first time. When he left me, in August, I'd asked him, 'What would you do if I died?' 'I wouldn't be sad. You want me to be happy, right?' whilst J on the other hand was like, 'Tenshi, don't be like me, don't hurt yourself!' So anyway.. I hurt myself, because I wanted to see if he would care or not.. and that was the last time I talked to him again until in April.. I logged into my MSN and had a request from Fox and one from S. J got it as well. I regretted S's but added Fox's on the spot. J was like, 'Tenshi I don't like this, I don't want you hurt!' and when he said that, Fox logged on. He talked to me and such and the next day he gave me a phone number, saying it was his new one 'cause he lived with S now. Whenever I would call it, a girl would pick up. I had another friend on the phone with me though at the time, so I wouldn't have to talk alone. Fox never answered. So I went on MSN and he was like, 'Oh, I don't think you'll want to talk to me 'cause I got S pregnant.' and I was like '.. I am sorry D, but she's corrupted you and your Godly morals.' (we're both christian) and the next thing I say says, 'Godly morals? F__k that.' Fox doesn't cuss. The whole time it was S. Fox didn't have a part of it. That night I cried myself to sleep and woke up every hour crying and then the next day I didn't go to school. My friend called me at lunch, asking if I was okay. I told her what happened and she told me that she talked to Fox on his normal cell phone number just the day before. I told her to give him my cell number and he called me and told me that everything that she said was a lie. And so I was happy again and from that day forward I've been living differently. He told me to always look to the sky and think of him whenever I was sad, that we'd be like Tidus and Yuna. (FF-X) He texted me and told me what the key meant. 'The key means strength, from me. Day passes, pages turn. Out book is done. Remember me, don't think of me. You'll be happy, I promise. Kyo tsukette ne, Kawaii-Angel.' And day by day, I started to realize that to love someone else truly, you have to love yourself. No matter how much you hurt, you will always come out fine if you wish for it. Don't even give up hope. Sure, you'll doubt sometimes, but try not to. Hard work pays off, doesn't it? And we stopped talking again until the summer. Out of no where, I got a text, 'I wear your heart around my neck... I never realized this before, but know I know... you were the only one I was myself with.. Tenshi.. I'm sorry, will you forgive me?' Of course I said it wasn't his fault and such and he replied with, 'Thanks. :] I still believe you are my true love. - Enix/Haseo-kun' and soon after that he sent, 'Angel, last night I had a dream where I held your hand and we broke free.. I was happy in that dream, and that's how I want to be. Be my friend please?' And I responded with, 'For now.' He told me that he wanted to call in a few days and I was like, 'Yaaaaaaay'~ but at the same time I was scared. I still am today when I talk to him. Because he can hurt me without meaning to, because of how paranoid I am. And.. the night before he called me, I had an anxiety attack.. and I took it out on J. That was the last time I've ever talked to him. And the next day, Fox called me and we talked like normal again. And then stopped talking again until October.. when I texted him and he texted me back.. He had a girlfriend - one in person. And of course, I was crushed. It took three people to even get me to speak again. And so I took that as a sign to move on.. I have dated 4 other people since then.. and in January this year, Fox and I have started to talk again. He isn't with that girl anymore, she cheated on him, and I've been cheated on and such.. But when I was with the others, I'd still think of him everyday, I still do now. And something that I found out... J, was a fake. J was really a girl in person, which is... eh. Can't explain it. Pretty devastated. But then again, this is the net, so you can't be sure with a person until you meet them.'

There. Goodness, sorry it was so long.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm guessing you dream about him as often as you do because you think about him a lot; you wonder who he actually is because you don't know this guy. As far as your concerned he's still an enigma since you've only met him in person once, for less than an hour.

Once the mystery is gone, he's just another guy.

I agree with Vicky, more information is needed. And just to be clear, aside from that 30 minutes, all of your interaction has been by phone or web, no in-person contact, correct?

If so, would you please include some description of your interactions? What did you talk about? How did you date?

Tao

Quote:

Originally Posted by taoplr

I agree with Vicky, more information is needed. And just to be clear, aside from that 30 minutes, all of your interaction has been by phone or web, no in-person contact, correct?

If so, would you please include some description of your interactions? What did you talk about? How did you date?

tao

Ah, yes, we've only met once in person.

And when we met.. Hm, well. He was really nervous, shaking, which I thought was cute, haha. But it's hard to remember what we talked about. I couldn't look into his eyes, so my head was usually facing away from him. Then glances I did see his eyes though, my body jolted. When we weren't sitting there, talking about laptops and such, I was usually clung to his waist, haha.

I don't.. understand what you guys mean when you ask 'how did you date'. Isn't there only one way..

That's OK I think I got the jist of it. You seem to have been pretty heartbroken by these people. Im not sure I have experiances behind me in order to tell what I think you should do. I have never placed complete trust in someone I'v met over the internet. But I know of a friend who did as she was pretty self-consious and taught that meeting someone over the internet would let them get to know her as a person first so they wouldn't judge her on looks. I think you have been hurt enough threw the powers of the internet and maybe it is time you decided to leave chatrooms and the like alone as a form of getting to know people and just use MSN and the like as a way to just keep in contact with close friends.

Why don't you try new ways of meeting friends for example joining local clubs, going out clubbing etc.
What do you think?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vicky_vtec

Thats ok i think i got the jist of it. You seem to have been pretty heartbroken by these people. Im not sure i have experiances behind me in order to tell what i think you should do. I have never placed complete trust in someone i'v met over the internet. But i know of a friend who did as she was pretty self-consious and taught that meeting someone over the internet would let them get to know her as a person first so they wouldn't judge her on looks. I think you have been hurt enough threw the powers of the internet and maybe it is time you decided to leave chatrooms and the like alone as a form of getting to know people and just use MSN and the like as a way to just keep in contact with close friends.

Why dont you try new ways of meeting friends for example joining local clubs, going out clubbing etc.
What do you think?

Yeah, I don't go on chats that much anymore. Only when I a reallllly bored.
I usually am on MSN talking with my friends.

And clubs? Not for me. I don't like big groups, not at all. I don't even go to public school -- to many people. I am fine here on the net; I have friends in person, about 3 good ones, and I am fine with that. A lot of my close friends are on the net anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xShugoTenshix

Ah, yes, we've only met once in person.

And when we met...? Hm, well. He was really nervous, shaking, which I thought was cute, haha. But it's hard to remember what we talked about. I couldn't look into his eyes, so my head was usually facing away from him. Then glances I did see his eyes though, my body jolted. When we wern't sitting there, talking about laptops and such, I was usually clung to his waist, haha.

I don't..understand what you guys mean when you ask 'how did you date'. Isn't there only one way..?

There are many ways to date, and frankly, most of them are in person. People share music, have sex, eat out, go places, talk, and so on. For all of them, dating typically means being together romantically.

So, since you consider your interaction with him to be dating, I understand that to mean there was romance between you. Your description of clinging to his waist raises the question: Did you have sex when you met? If there was no physical romance, then through words and thoughts, did you express affection toward each other?

All this adds up to your dream. To me, it indicates that you still hold a place in yourself for him, that something has matured in you, specifically in the place that you hold for him or for men in general, and that that part of you—the part that relates to him—is busy growing, and doesn't need to talk with you now. It sounds healthy.

It is natural to feel a little vulnerable. You might be growing past familiar territory, getting ready to have more direct relationships—in person, intimate, fun, safe...

Nice dream...

Tao

Quote:

Originally Posted by taoplr

There are many ways to date, and frankly, most of them are in person. People share music, have sex, eat out, go places, talk, and so on. For all of them, dating typically means being together romantically.

So, since you consider your interaction with him to be dating, I understand that to mean there was romance between you. Your description of clinging to his waist raises the question: Did you have sex when you met? If there was no physical romance, then through words and thoughts, did you express affection toward each other?

All this adds up to your dream. To me, it indicates that you still hold a place in yourself for him, that something has matured in you, specifically in the place that you hold for him or for men in general, and that that part of you—the part that relates to him—is busy growing, and doesn't need to talk with you now. It sounds healthy.

It is natural to feel a little vulnerable. You might be growing past familiar territory, getting ready to have more direct relationships—in person, intimate, fun, safe...

Nice dream....

tao

Oh! No no, we didn't have sex, we knew to save that until after we are married.~ Him and I talked about getting married and having children. He already knew the place he was going to propose to me at and such. And.. what do you mean not talk to me now? A-Auh, I'm sorry if I sound so.. I am not sure, I just am a very curious person..

Quote:

Originally Posted by xShugoTenshix

Oh! No no, we didn't have sex, we knew to save that until after we are married.~ Him and I talked about getting married and having children. He already knew the place he was going to propose to me at and such. And..what do you mean not talk to me now? A-Auh, I'm sorry if I sound so..I am not sure, I just am a very curious person..

Dreams come from the unconscious parts of the mind. "You" are the conscious part, and like everyone else, you can talk with yourself and understand yourself. The unconscious parts don't always talk with the conscious, but communicate in dreams. In your dream, he continued talking with his father, not with you. So that's where I got that idea.

Signing off for now... My next questions will be about where you live, what culture you are living in, how you can consider marriage with someone you have met for 30 minutes (This surprises me) and what further advice you need.

Tao

Quote:

Originally Posted by taoplr

Dreams come from the unconscious parts of the mind. "You" are the conscious part, and like everyone else, you can talk with yourself and understand yourself. The unconscious parts don't always talk with the conscious, but communicate in dreams. In your dream, he continued talking with his father, not with you. So that's where I got that idea.

Signing off for now... My next questions will be about where you live, what culture you are living in, how you can consider marriage with someone you have met for 30 minutes (This surprises me) and what further advice you need.

tao

Well, where I live.. Uhm, I live in two different places, both in California. One place is a bigger place, with my dad. I only see him during the summer and once a month during school for a weekend. During school I am with my mom, in a small town.. I don't go to public school, I stopped going because I was being teased and from 3 grade to the current time I've been going to a private school. The high school right now has about 35 kids in it, haha. I don't go outside, in the neighborhood I live in, there's no kids my age. My mom doesn't like me going out that much anyway. My life is very sheltered. And well, I don't see why not, about the marriage part. Just because we weren't together in person a lot doesn't mean that the feelings aren't strong enough for us not to get married. I am the type of person who doesn't care about sex, age, race, distance, for one that you love.

Sleep dreams don't mean anything. Their just you're inner conscious pulling up something and triggers your memory. Don't dwell on it, there's no point wasting your time with an ex. The dreams will stop eventually.

If I read this correctly, you feel so deeply in love with an ideal that you cut yourself over him betraying you?
It seems quite messy with F & S & J, and personally, I'd stay well clear of all three of them. Fox said himself recently that he has a girlfriend in real life, so that means that he was probably only using you as an emotional crutch the whole time; using you to build up his confidence.
You can't go on comparing your life to characters in games or anime. Sometimes those mediums can try to carry across meanings, but they spread them so thin over the series that it gets lost in all the colourful noise. You have to build your own ideas of love through your own experiences.

Do you have any plans to go to college? Or anything beyond high school?
What if everything that you've learnt about love from anime & FF was wrong? Try and take that away from the equation when you think about Fox.
[1] You talked to him everyday, but only met him once. How many charaters in any anime love story do that?
[2] He doesn't talk to you that much anymore because he's just not that interested in you anymore. He used you to get a rung up in his personal progression into real life
[3] He doesn't answer when you do call him because he's moved on
[4] He demanded that you don't RP anymore because he's insecure. He's insecure about something that wasn't even an issue in the first place.
[5] You were so upset about him leaving that you physically cut yourself. Think about that. You cut yourself because of him. He doesn't deserve that sacrifice to yourself; no one does. (Trust me, I know)

To put a slight spin on it: you're holding onto Tidus' ghost, when he never really existed in the first place [No, I'm not counting anything from X-2, because it sucked.].

You need to forget him, and be a bit braver, if you can. Use this as a springboard to better yourself. Show those people in 3rd grade who teased you that you're a real person capable of any success.

Edit: And you DEFINITELY need to change your email address if his name is David.

Quote:

Originally Posted by anewday

If I read this correctly, you feel so deeply in love with an ideal that you cut yourself over him betraying you?
It seems quite messy with F & S & J, and personally, I'd stay well clear of all three of them. Fox said himself recently that he has a girlfriend in real life, so that means that he was probably only using you as an emotional crutch the whole time; using you to build up his confidence.
You can't go on comparing your life to characters in games or anime. Sometimes those mediums can try to carry across meanings, but they spread them so thin over the series that it gets lost in all the colourful noise. You have to build your own ideas of love through your own experiences.

Do you have any plans to go to college? Or anything beyond highschool?
What if everything that you've learnt about love from anime & FF was wrong? Try and take that away from the equation when you think about Fox.
[1] You talked to him everyday, but only met him once. How many charaters in any anime love story do that?
[2] He doesn't talk to you that much anymore because he's just not that interested in you anymore. He used you to get a rung up in his personal progression into real life
[3] He doesn't answer when you do call him because he's moved on
[4] He demanded that you don't RP anymore because he's insecure. He's insecure about something that wasn't even an issue in the first place.
[5] You were so upset about him leaving that you physically cut yourself. Think about that. You cut yourself because of him. He doesn't deserve that sacrifice to yourself; no one does. (Trust me, I know)

To put a slight spin on it: you're holding onto Tidus' ghost, when he never really existed in the first place [No, I'm not counting anything from X-2, because it sucked.].

You need to forget him, and be a bit braver, if you can. Use this as a springboard to better yourself. Show those people in 3rd grade who teased you that you're a real person capable of any success.

Edit: And you DEFINITELY need to change your email address if his name is David.

Aha, you noticed the e-mail?

But he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, she cheated and left him a while ago, perhaps in December or January. You know, I sometimes get the idea that he might just be using me, but I try my best not to see him as something like that. The Fox I knew back then isn't the one he is now. But he's my friend now, and I know I can move on - just no one will take the place he has in my heart. I can love again, but not love how I have loved him, as silly as that sounds. He knows how I feel, I told him.. but then again, we always say 'I love you'. It's a normal thing between us when we talk. But uhm, something else that bothers me is, what does it mean when he calls me crying? He did that once, a month or two ago. Called me in the middle of the night crying, and he only wanted to talk to me because I comfort him.