I need help. My 17 year old daughter is pregnant and I cannot mentally deal with her decision to have a baby. Over the past five years my daughter has taken me through one bad ordeal after another. My family has tried to help but they have had to put her out of their homes.

Recently our house has become volatile, we were in a fist fight, and she is disrespectful beyond belief. I have 2 other children to raise and I nor can they deal with this environment any longer.

I cannot mentally deal with her decision because I went through a deep depression after having my son; my marriage ended and I lost my home. I have had no time to heal from my own problems because I have been dealing with one thing after another for 5 years with her. I am telling you, she is mentally abusing me. I did everything to prevent her pregnancy even taking her to get birth control myself. I can't do anymore for her. I am barely making it myself.

How do I get her out of my house? If not, something bad is going to happen.

As far as your daughter is concerned. She is your daughter. No matter what. She has chosen to have a baby. That is her choice. Do not threaten her because she is making a decision you do not agree with. It sounds to me that emotional abuse goes both ways. Who threw the first punch. Your last sentence tells me you're the abusive one.

The losing your husband, depression after having your son, is not your daughters fault. No matter what is going in your life as a parent you need to try to support your daughter. It is your decision what you want to do. Never resort to abuse.

This will be the answer counseling for you. Not saying your completely the problem but a counceller will help you deal with your emotions and depression and maybe will give you many other smart ways to how to deal with family situations.

Joe

I agree with what Joe said, however I have another thought here.

This may sound harsh, but just an idea.

Do you live in the States? If so, call your local Department of Human Services, ask if they have a program for Elder Abuse. You are her elder and she is abusing you.

Another thought is that, if you are in the States, now that she is pregnant, she is considered an emancipated adult. I believe, and some will correct me if I am wrong, you can evict her from your home. Send her to live with the father of the child.

Next time she becomes physical with you, you should call 911.

I think there has been a lot of info that has been left out. Usually we all agree on a subject, but this one seems to sway us.

Are you on any meds? As Joe said, who threw the first punch?
Just a thought or two.

Follow J 9's advice above. She will be emancipated when she has the baby and you can evict her. She made her choices and now has to deal with the consequences. She has no right to bring this kind of turmoil to you and the rest of your family. Time to cut her loose and let her find her own way.

Sounds like you need to learn, first and foremost, to accept the fact that you are going to be a grandma very soon. COOL! CONGRATULATIONS! And stop getting into fist fights with a pregnant girl! Get over your own mistakes and for the love of God, love your daughter and respect her decision. And love your grandchild! Do a 180 and make the best of it! Life is so short! You could get hit by a bus the day after this child is born and only have a chance to see him/her one time! Or you could be there for him/her and your daughter for a long time to come! Just set boundaries and stick to them. Don't become the babysitter unless she's in college fulltime. She needs you now more than ever, so be the mom. Never give up on your kids. That's what mom's do. We never give up on our kids. (This is coming from a mom who has one perfectly "normal" artistic / actor kid and one completely "wierd" bi-sexual stripper" kid. You cannot control anything in your life once you have kids. That was your decision to have them. Now you have to live with the ramifications. Make the best of it. Enjoy the chaos and surprises because they will continue. If you expect orderly conduct and an orderly life, you are dreaming. Loosen up, and just let life happen. No matter how much heartache our kids bring us, they are still our choice and our joy. Focus on the joy. Be happy. Stop worrying. Help her find solutions and find a job and do whatever you wish your parents had done to help you when u had these 3 kids to begin with. Think back to when u were young and if u were in her position. Be a good mom and a good grandma. That's what Jesus would do.

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Originally Posted by aibrown

I need help. My 17 year old daughter is pregnant and I cannot mentally deal with her decision to have a baby. Over the past five years my daughter has taken me through one bad ordeal after another. My family has tried to help but they have had to put her out of their homes.

Recently our house has become volatile, we were in a fist fight, and she is disrespectful beyond belief. I have 2 other children to raise and I nor can they deal with this environment any longer.

I cannot mentally deal with her decision because I went through a deep depression after having my son; my marriage ended and I lost my home. I have had no time to heal from my own problems because I have been dealing with one thing after another for 5 years with her. I am telling you, she is mentally abusing me. I did everything to prevent her pregnancy even taking her to get birth control myself. I can't do anymore for her. I am barely making it myself.

How do I get her out of my house? If not, something bad is going to happen.

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Try contacting your local social services agency. They may be able to help her with some housing and counseling. It seems to me that the problems that you are having with her started before she became pregnant and you must be feeling like this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
If I read your post correctly you have been having issues with her for the past five years. That would put her at about age 12. You have tried having her stay with relatives and they told her she had to leave.
You might try to contact her child's father and his family to see if they can help you out.
Now, after saying all the politically correct things, I will tell you what I would do, what my mother would have done to me, what her mother would have done to her, kick her out. Pack her things and drop her off at the nearest homeless shelter.

That may sound harsh, but you have other children to take care of, and you will not be able to do that if you are in jail because of assault. If she is considered a child in the state where you live it will be very difficult for you to even obtain a job to take care of your other children or even keep them with you if you have been charged with child abuse.

Get yourself to the doctor and get the help you need for your depression, because you can not take care of anyone else if yourself. Get your other children into counseling, so that they can get past what has all ready happened.
By the way, depression and life circumstances, are no excuse in the eyes of the court for hitting your kids, even though those are a big reason why it happens. No matter how frustrated you get with her do not hit her. Walk away, go to another room, go outside, go to friend or neighbor's house.

You have to believe that all her problems are not because of you and you can only fix what you can fix, the rest will be up to her. She has made her choice and she will have to live with the consequences and repercussions. Don't waste time blaming yourself.

Having the child is her choice, but make it clear that if she gets in trouble you ar not bailing her out or raising the child for her.

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Originally Posted by aibrown

I need help. My 17 year old daughter is pregnant and I cannot mentally deal with her decision to have a baby. Over the past five years my daughter has taken me through one bad ordeal after another. My family has tried to help but they have had to put her out of their homes.

Recently our house has become volatile, we were in a fist fight, and she is disrespectful beyond belief. I have 2 other children to raise and I nor can they deal with this environment any longer.

I cannot mentally deal with her decision because I went through a deep depression after having my son; my marriage ended and I lost my home. I have had no time to heal from my own problems because I have been dealing with one thing after another for 5 years with her. I am telling you, she is mentally abusing me. I did everything to prevent her pregnancy even taking her to get birth control myself. I can't do anymore for her. I am barely making it myself.

How do I get her out of my house? If not, something bad is going to happen.

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Hi,
I totally hear you but, I think that giving up on her is the worst thing you could do. I was an 18 yr old pregnant and your situation sounds like me. I just wanted to know I was loved no matter what. I am 27 and I am married with three children and we own a house . Things can and will work themselves out. Be firm but, tell her you love her and that you are incredibly disappointed in her decisions because you didn't want her life to be so hard. But now she has to grow up so she doesn't disappoint the child she is carrying. Then give her a hug.

Sara

I think its time you pull rank, sit your daughter down and drill it into her head that...

-... it just isn't about her anymore. She has another life growing inside of her, and from now on everything will depend on the health and welfare of that child.
-... (if you do decide to help her along in her pregnancy) if she desires any type of roof over her head, a bed to sleep in, food on the table and the chance of her child growing up in your home and NOT in the care of social services, that she better shape up, grow up and start preparing to be a mom.
-... get on Medicaid, it helps immensely since checkups and the birth alone are very expensive.

Don't let her anger weaken you, you're MOM! You gave her that attitude and by god you can defend yourself against it. I hope things work out well, and take care.