Hello all,

Thanks for coming to read my post. Basically this girl I met and I like. She's 21 and I'm 17(turning 18 in 4 months). Apparently when we met she was really crazy over me and I didn't know why. So I thought it was genuine and she really liked me and stuff. So we got to know each other over the course of 2 or 3 weeks. It seemed all a bit fishing to me and I asked her if she was just using me as a rebound or side-guy. I told her that, we are totally different. She likes the outdoors a lot and I'm more of a city guy. Still though, I told her I'd be willing to try things out with her. I just wanted to make sure she was serious and not just joking around. She replied with this on IM one day on the matter:

I feel like you are the one guy who has everything combined. That one guy who understands, has compassion, and likes to be free. I have looked around I will admit, and most that I talked to have no brains nor do they have any respect for one. You respect, and are pretty brainy. Which I admire. Quick witted and humorous. Very attractive and spontaneous. Although come to think of it, you are right. We are polar opposites. I love the outdoors, while you are the city boy. I feel like there is a connection, and I really like you. Perhaps willing to change for that one person. I have thought numerous times of just uprooting and leaving. And for that one guy I would. Age is not a factor for me. Common interests, humor and the ability to get along are. I feel that with time you may fit the bill. But it also feels like you are distancing yourself from me, or just confused. Hell, I am confused. I do have a difficult time reading you and I am not sure what you want.


I thought that was really sweet of her and I told her that we can just try it out and lets see how it goes. So everything is good between us and then one day she disappeared. I called her and asked what was up and she said her computer blew up and it was going to be a few days or something. I thought that was fine but why didn't she call me/text me to tell me that instead of me having to call her to find out what happened? I bet if I didn't talk to her and ask she never would have told me..

So now I'm waiting for her to talk with me. It's been 2 days since I last texted her. She says she thinks about me all the time and all that but if she did, wouldn't she feel the urge to text me back? It's been 2 days. I texted her something like "I know its late but I hope you get your computer fixed. I'll be waiting to hear from you about it. I'm here if you need me". That was two days ago and she never replied to that text.

So I'm thinking I'll give her another 2 days. Making it like 4-5 days of her not contacting me for whatever reason. If by the 5th day she doesn't text or call me I'll assume I'm not in her thoughts and she found someone else. I didn't do anything to piss her off or anything I don't think. So I don't know what the problem is. She seemed to really like me and I thought everything was going great.

Oh yea, she had the audacity to update her myspace page instead of tell me what was going on directly. That kind of made me feel like I'm not in her thoughts or she doesn't care enough for me. Here is what her myspace says. "My ethernet box blew up, so I have VERY limited internet. Waiting for the telephone company to send me a new one! Sorry guys.... :D".

She updated that on her myspace 5 hours ago!. Why couldn't she tell me that on the phone or through text? Is something else up here? I feel kind of left out. I'm waiting until Thursday and if I don't hear anything from her. I'm just going to call her or text her and be like.. "I guess this was over before... it ever began". Or something. I can't deal with these head games. She told me she didn't even play head games with people either.


Any advice on the course of action here?

I don't get the impression that she knows what she wants.

She talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk.

I agree with you that she is indeed sending mixed messages, and using excuses not to contact you or reply to you directly. If she needed space, she is not mature enough to just say it, and it is rude to leave someone hanging the way she has with you.

I would not contact her at all. You are reading things into this that just aren't there. She is not expressing interest in a meaningful, clear way, and you are left looking for clues (my space for example) to look for a little spark of interest or understanding.

The simple truth is she is flaky. Take those qualities she sees in you, and invest them in somebody who won't play you like a fiddle.

I was going to ask her if I did something to upset her or if I made her see me in a different light. Since it seemed she drifted away. Do you think that's a bad idea?

I would think that even if you had said something to upset her, which I doubt you did, she shouldn't have had a problem being straight up about it.

She doesn't have a problem expressing herself.

Thinking if I was in your position, maybe just to set your mind at ease, maybe send that question and see what happens.

If she doesn't respond to that, then I'd say that it's likely over.

Well I texted her and asked her. She hasn't responded yet, its only been 30 minutes since I told her though. I guess it's a sign that its likely over like you said :(

Okay well she just texted me back this

"You did nothing wrong. I bought a new box today. I will get it hooked up when I am off work. I look forward to talking you with you later. I have just been working. Sorry"

Thoughts? Jake2008 come to my rescue! :P

You just met the girl, she is a stranger, and you know very little about her. You don't have a relationship yet, so relax, and stop assuming anything about her, and have fun DATING so you can get to know each other.

Then you can see if you do click, and can have a relationship. Your way ahead of yourself guy, and assuming all kinds of things. Have some fun, and don't just sit around waiting for her to show you interest, that's not how its done.

Now relax, and carry on with your own life, and call her and have fun, and see where it leads.

Two weeks of knowing each other, and your getting all worried she hasn't called when you think she should? Unbelievable.

She does have a life without you, you know, and you should have one without her too.

Haven't dated much have you?

Nah brah my last girlfriend was when I was 15 and I'm 17 now. I never thought I needed one but I got lonely all of a sudden.

Lol, that does happen. I also reread your other post.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...rt-353626.html

Stuff happens. Just take your time, and don't get carried away, or overeager, as dating can be fun, so enjoy getting to know the new lady.

That last girl was pretty wild. That was a bad idea from the beginning lol.

Well, the proof will be in the pudding as they say.

Now the ball is in her court, she's confirmed that you've done nothing major or wrong to cause the lack of communication.

I'd just assume that it was network problems, and when she's back up and running, she'll contact you.

But, I wouldn't contact her again until she does. :)

I just opened this fortune cookie that I got from panda express and it reads.

"Your future looks bright"

Aww snap guys. I think this is good news! :D

That could also translate into you're going to get hit by lightening. :p

Threads merged

So I'm going out with this girl and everything is going great. We have been going out for about a month or so now and one day she randomly said I love you. I asked if she was kidding but she said she really meant it so I said I love you too back. I meant it too. We went really strong in our relationship in just the first week. I thought it was maybe lust or infatuation but she assured me it was genuine. However the one thing that bugs me is this. One day she is my lover and is all saying and doing lovey dovey and naughty things with me. The next day she acts like nothing happened and kind of gives me the cold shoulder. It's like one day she's my friend the next day she's my lover and some days she just doesn't want to talk. Am I doing something wrong or is she thinking if she could really see herself with me. I asked her about it one day and she said she acts that way because sometimes she wants to be my best friend sometimes and other times she wants to be my lover. Like both. My feelings are really strong for this girl and I can't get used to adjusting to the best friend role one day and lover role the next. I just want to be the lover and friend all around but I don't want some feelings to be turned off one day and then turned on the next like a switch.

Have you considered you may be thinking too much. Let things come as they will, if she's lovey dovey enjoy it, if she wants to be friends then hang out together, if she's quiet or aloof consider calling it a day.

Take the lead and when she backs off you back off. When she comes you, you only come in so far. Do not be all lovey dovey with her at all times. In fact only do so when she does something you like. Do not start asking her if everything is okay, because that just sends the message that everything is not okay.

Thanks for the advice hopefully I get some more outlooks on this.

I think that you are over analyzing.
You won't have everyday, all the time lovey dove sparks flying. Every relationship has its quiet times, its fun times, its emotional times, etc...
She is the same girl in every ''setting'' right?

Threads merged

So I've been going out with this girl for about a month now and everything was great. After the first week of meeting her she accidentally blurted out and said "I love you". I thought that was really fast to say that but she said she really meant it so I said it back too and meant it. Things were really fast and strong for both of us. Aside from a couple arguments that we had but everyone has them. Basically it was just me being jealous of her doing certain things and not sure if our love was real or just lust/infatuation because it happened so fast. Last night I basically went off on her over the phone for doing something without even asking me. She sent pictures of herself to random guys she knew online without asking me. I didn't think it was a big deal but if we are together shouldn't she ask me if that was okay first? I don't know I would have asked her if it was okay if I could send my picture to girls online. The reason for her posting was that a lot of guys wanted to see what she looked like and encouraged her to do it and some girls did too. Anyway she told me how shy she was when we first met and everything but your not very shy if your send your picture to people online. Stuff like that, she begged me to not break up with her last night but I felt my heart was empty inside and all the things and arguments we had was constantly tearing at me and beating me up. I just didn't know how long I could keep getting back up from those beatings. I just couldn't trust her anymore. I felt deep down in my core that she was the one for me and I could see me changing my life and her living with me and everything but now I feel I ruined all that and we will never be together again. So I called her today and basically told her how stupid I was and everything but I still wanted to be with her and I will always love her. It's like when I close my eyes I see her and just want to be with her. She told me she couldn't just jump right back in a relationship with me because last night I destroyed her and the night before that we had another argument and I broke her heart that night. She told me she put up a barrier around her feelings for me and that now its ten times stronger than before. She told me I broke her barrier last night but it seems I only broke her barrier down when I was breaking her heart. It was really hard for her during the whole relationship to really admit to how she felt for me. She told me today she's scared and afraid that I'll go off on her again and break her heart over something she does.

So I called her today like I said and told her I wanted her back and I couldn't live without her. It's just like no matter what happens I just want to be with her. Maybe its my first really true love but I feel so strongly about this girl that it can't be just described in text. She told me she couldn't jump back in the relationship with me again knowing I could go off on her and break her heart again. She said she needed 1-2 weeks of time just to think about it. The metaphor she used was. I was at the starting line ready to go again and she had to run back to get ready before she could meet me at that starting line again. She told me she still loved me and wouldn't find anyone else. She said if I really love her that I'll wait and give her the time she needs but for now we aren't together. I don't know if she was letting me down for good or if she really intends on coming back to me and starting fresh after a week of alone time. I'm really confused and my heart is all twisted up. I feel like I ruined something that god placed before me. Any help?

WOW
OK I'm thinking you two are young, you didn't mention your age.
If you are, than I'm going to give you an answer that I would be thinking at that young age.
To send pictures... she needs more attention than your giving her or possibly that you could ever give her.
Going off on her (what ever that means) hopefully only verbally... things aren't perfect for her, so she is going to look around, if she really wanted to work things out right now, she would.
Saying she loved you the first week? Insecure... you saying it back? I don't know, I'm not a guy.

This is just my opinion, so please just think about it.

You need to move on a little like she has and see what happens, but if the cycle repeats, you need to move on all together.:)

Again just my opinion.