Threads merged

Since I was a freshman there was this boy that was older then me by 3 years he seemed like a nice guy and very popular with the girls. He got my attention and we were talking for a cool while... I was a virgin at that time and I lost it to him. We went out for a while but then It didn't work out. But we still talked and saw each other every chance we got. But he messed around with my ex best friend and denys it. He hurt me so much to this day I'm 18 and I still cry over him I really loved him. To this day he's the only one I've been with. Because of him I'm afraid to relationships and commitment. Should I write him a letter telling him how he played with me and hurt me before I leave to college?

You can write the letter if it'll make you feel better. But don't expect him to take it seriously. He's a player and getting a letter like that will only swell his head all the more. Letting him have that kind of power over you is not healthy. I mean, really, what's so wonderful about this guy that he's still worth crying over 3 years after the fact? Nobody's worth all that.

That boy does not seem like he is worth your time if he hurt u like tat.. boys play wit girld hearts a lot and get away with it. . You seem like a nice girl and if he messed with your ex bext friend then he had no respect and does not even deserve your time and effort in a letter? He will reslise what a really nice girl you are when you are gone to college and kick himself for being a jerk xx

No letter.

Leave it up to time... you're young.

Don't fear. It'll all be a memory one day. Really.

It's better you go through these things now rather than when your older
And not had a chance to get wiser... how could you give advice? Or have kids? Or be a friend if you didn't learn life lessons to share.

Take a step forward. He will be in the rear view mirror soon!

Ash

I think you knew what type of guy he was before you starting messing around with but you allowed your feelings to get involved. Then that make it easier to ignore the facts about him. He was cute and popular and it made you feel good to have someone like him but he wasn't a match for you.

Sorry to say to this but this is life. In life we have choices and we must choice wisely. Sometimes relationships work and sometimes they don't. Yes, it is sad that you might hurt in the process but hopefully you learnt something from this relationship. Then sometimes people are gamers and you don't realize it to it is over because they played their game well.

For closure write the letter but don't send it to him. No, no. After you write it proofread it and write it until it have everything you want to say. Then read it as if he was in the room. Then after you do this--burn it or shred it have to. This is called "a releasing ceremony". This is closure for you and after this let go. And remember all guys aren't the same. There are some good ones out there.

Karma will get him, leave it to fate.

Write the letter then burn it. That always helps me.

The only thing sending the letter will accomplish is making him feel like he won.

If he could do that to you,he won't care,he didn't care,regardless of what he said.

Actions > words.

So a letter,of all things,won't change his mind.

The only letter you should be exchanging is an apology from him, when/if he grows up.But don't expect it.

Threads merged

Last weekend me and a couple of friends got together and went out and after we started drinking at my best friends house. I was being irresponsible and led the alcohol take over me. My best friend fell asleep and I was left alone with her brother who I have been talking to on and off for 4 years. One thing led to another and I think we had sex. I remember kissing him but the rest is a big fat BLANK... I find it hard to bring up that subject with her brother... I'm shy and emberessed of myself I can't believe I went so low... should I bring it up to him? And should I tell my best friend?

I wouldn't tell her unless something comes out of it. No sense straining the friendship.

You could always ask him if he remembers what happened. I wouldn't ask outright if you had sex, or he might get defensive, but just say that you weren't sure what happened and see if he remembers. If he doesn't say anything you might be out of luck.

Since you don't know for sure, what is there to tell? What you do is, pay attention to getting so drunk, you aren't sure what your doing. Drunk is no excuse for bad behavior, but it's a warning that your putting yourself in dangerous situations.

Threads merged

My boyfriend cheated on me and I don't know what to do I feel so lost and hopeless I hate myself for it I feel like its my fault I feel like I wasn't good enough pretty enough I feel so empty and I find it so hard to be in another relationship I don't want to go through the same experience... why does love hurt so much I've been with him for two years and I gave him the best two years of my life I gave up so much for him and this is how he repays me... this is the second time I've been heart broken how can I cope through this how can I look at guys and not judge them how can I move on I just find myself crying

It isn't your fault he cheated, it was his choice his wrong doing you are not to blame fore his horrible behaviour. You have to let him go forget about him, let him know that it is OVER, and then do not contact him again, delete him out of your life. All you can do now is heal, if this is the second time you have been heart broken think of how you helped yourself get over the first heartbreak. Eventually you will be able to look at guys and not judge them but it takes time it takes healing and it takes trust. I know its hard but if you got out of this slump before, you will surely be able to do it again! Best of luck!

Hi, daprinc3ss!

Yes, I agree with britEl on all points there! He made a choice and it's not your fault!

I would like to add, that whenever anyone takes the risks and responsibility of being involved in and maintaining a relationship, you can get hurt and disappointed.

As much as we'd like to, we just can't control others.

I've been "burnt and hurt" many times. Do I still love some of the women with whom I was involved? Yes. Do some of them still love me? Yes. But, for one reason or another we moved on in our separate ways... At least in couple of the relationships, I was cheated on, even though we can still talk when we meet and feelings that are good are still there. Just wasn't a good fit...

Besides that, they made a choice. Not my fault.

I had to move on...

Moving on, is also a choice.

I could choose to bemoan and beat myself up about things that are in the past. I choose not to do so.

I can choose to ask over and over, "Why". I already know why. My choice now is to ask, "What if...?", about the new things that could happen in the future with new aquaintences, friends as well as loves.

If you continue to seek out an intimate relationship with someone, I'm sure that you'll someday find just the person who is the right "fit" for you!

You can turn your scars into stars!

That also is a choice...

I wish and hope, nothing but the best for you!

Thanks!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daprinc3ss

my boyfriend cheated on me and I don't know what to do

---

Break up with him. If he cheated on you, he deserves to be your ex-boyfriend, not your boyfriend.

Quote:

---

I hate myself for it I feel like its my fault I feel like I wasn't good enough pretty enough I feel so empty and I find it so hard to be in another relationship I don't want to go through the same experience...

---

It wasn't your fault, it he was any kind of a decent guy he would have ended it with you before finding someone else, before hurting you.

Quote:

---

why does love hurt so much I've been with him for two years and I gave him the best two years of my life I gave up so much for him and this is how he repays me...

---

Love doesn't hurt so much, it's idiot people that choose to hurt you that hurts. He never loved you. If he did, he wouldn't have hurt you.
It wasn't the best two years of your life. If it was, it wouldn't have ended in pain. Trust me, you will move on and find someone better, he didn't deserve you, but someday someone will.

Quote:

---

this is the second time I've been heart broken how can I cope through this how can I look at guys and not judge them how can I move on I just find myself crying

---

You will cope the same way you did the first time. You do NOT need a new relationship yet, rebound guys are usually worse than the one you broke up with in the first place.
It's okay to cry, it helps you move on. When you stop crying, go out and have fun with your friends. Just have fun, and leave boys out of the equation until you start feeling better.
You'll soon find it's easier than you thought.

It's not your fault. Some guys(a lot ) are lead around by their privates. They don't care who they hurt. It's all about feeling good . So it has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong, and age will teach you this. I promise things will get better, and you will look back on this one day and say" what a waste of energy THAT was". Leave the cheater, and don't even speak to him again. If you give him another chance, he will do it again. Find a gentleman who will treat you with respect. Don't accept anything less than you feel you deserve. I wish you only the best.

It isn't easy but time will help you heal. There is love out there that doesn't hurt but sometimes you must just go through these painful experiences. From my experience, my heartbreaks have made me wiser. And yes I got over them. At the time the pain seemed as though it would never end. But guess what hun? It does go away. Take care of yourself and spend more time with good friends and people that love you. Enjoy life, because there is much more to it than this. Peace

Writing a letter would help you feel better.. he probably dosen't even know how bad he hurt you and maybe it will help you get over it if you just told him and then you can move on and leave that in the past

Write the letter, and then burn it, then move ahead with your life. You have a lot of living to do yet. Don't let this hold you back.

We learn from mistakes but it is up to you if you want your lesson to hinder you from a bad relationship or move on and find a healthy relationship by being more cautious and not letting it get to a sexual relationship until you know that he is really and truly committed to you. With this ex you know what you don't want in a relationship, now find what you DO want. If we all gave up because we got burned we'd all be alone!