To make a long story short.. Seven years ago I met the love of my life and made some bad decisions which in the end caused me to lose her. Now 7 years later I am having dreams about her and it is almost like I am reliving the days after our initial breakup. I can honestly say that was the worst pain and hurt I have ever felt in my life. I have always thought about her but here recently there has been a really strong feeling of regret and hurt. I have had NC for the past 5 years because it was honestly the only thing that worked. She would contact me off and on for the first 2 years after the breakup. Each time I would talk to her I would fold like a house of cards, so I decided it was best to just leave it alone. She was the best thing that's ever happened to me. After the break up I enrolled in college, graduated and then enlisted in the Military and served in Iraq.. It seems she gave me the motivation and courage to do whatever I wanted. Now I want to contact her so bad.. I found her account on faceboock.. She has the same last name so it doesn't appear she is married.. I am so confused and don't know what to do.

To compund the issue... I have been with a woman for the past year and we love each other. The problem is, I don't love her like I loved my Ex which to me seems kindof messed up. At this point I am super confused and don't know what to do. I wish the memories would go away.. I mean 7 years.. just stop already.

Well I know how you feel, but if she was the love of your life, shouldn't you go for it? Not to be mean but if she is your chance at happiness and you are still thinking about her, makes sense that she is the one for you

I suggest you take on professional help because 7 years is a long time. There may be a reason why you aren't letting go and you have to dig deep into yourself. Try to concentrate on other things, life is not about relationship but about fulfilling your dreams.

I disagree, you don't need professnal help. You're a normal guy with a normal problem, just follow your heart. If the love of your life is knocking answer the door. If she isn't, don't go hunt herr down

Hi,you see how much pain you are in now over your ex?

Do you really want to put the person you were with for a year through the same pain? for someone who left your life seven years ago?

It seems you are being selfish and looking at the 'where the grass is greener I am not' side

You are romantizing a fantasy of 'omg I haven't seen you in forever,true love'

But that's not how life works

And had you sincerely from the bottom of your heart felt this way about her,you would have never gotten involved with this new girl

So if you want to hurt three people (including yourself) go for it

But trust me these things are messy

It could also work like this

Say you and your ex got back together,and you realized that the girl you gave up,actually was everything you wanted,but she no longer cares after this.

Are you willing to risk it?

If you haven't been thinking about her for the past seven years and you are just now... then it is a phase

The only way you can find out if she is the TRUE love in your life or not is "TRYING" it with your sincere heart.

7 Years is really a long time. You and your ex girlfriend both grew up, and should be changed for the past 7 years. She may be a more amazing girl than before, or she is different now than who you loved. You maybe disappointed. But who knows? Just try it with your heartt and do not mess up at this time. I guess you made up some mistake to ruin the relationship 7 years ago (not her), and you may have a chance if you are sincere. As you say she seems not married, then what do you have to loose anyway?

My aunt is the sweetest person in the earth, (I love & respect her more than anyone in the world, and she is my angel), has been married for 45 years to my uncle (100% faithful!! ) as of now. But she says sometimes she thinks about her high school sweetheart who was too young and stupid, made a mistake and made her heart broken & broke up. She still says what if he could come back to her on time. The stupid boy came back after age 30 as a grown up & decent doctor (he studied in different state far from her). He told her he realized she was the LOVE, and tried to work toward marriage, but it was too late. My aunt married at age 25. Of course my aunt did not nudge. She says "simply, it was too late."

Before considering the next step or whether to contact your ex, you need to determine whether you want to stay with your current girlfriend. It's unfair to her if you choose to stay in a loveless relationship.

If you choose to stay with her, then focus on the relationship only. End of story and no contacting your ex, because that will just cause a rift in your current relationship.

If you don't think you have a future together, then end it now. In this case, give yourself some time to recover from the breakup and when you're over the breakup, then you can consider contacting your ex. But just remember, you broke up with your ex for a reason. Furthermore, she could be a different person and she could have a significant other, in whchi she would be off limits.

Many times through out our lives, we get flashbacks from the past by things that trigger our memories, and old feelings, like going to a high school reunion, or going back home after a long time away.

Its normal, and human, to have old buried feelings stirred up suddenly, and unexpectedly. Look around you and see if there is a trigger to those feelings. Either way, deal with them, and don't get carried away by them. If I acted on every thought of an ex, I would be running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Its normal for exes to haunt us from time to time. The feelings can be as intense, and real as being back in the day, but fact is, your not.

You could always leave your present g/f and follow your heart, as was suggested. But most times with investigation, the fact is the feelings, and thoughts, will fade as you go about your business.

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Before considering the next step or whether to contact your ex, you need to determine whether you want to stay with your current girlfriend. It's unfair to her if you choose to stay in a loveless relationship.

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When we are having problems in our own lives, its natural to remember better times, with different people. While its pretty normal, its so unrealistic, and merely a temporary escape from reality. That may well be your trigger.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I guess I should have been more clear, the urge to contact my ex is not to attempt reconciliation but rather send a friendly, hey how have you been. I just find it hard to care so much about someone and then just never talk to them again. So I was confused on whether it would be wrong to contact her after so long. We live over 1k miles away from each other so if left alone we would literally never talk again. I have grown a lot and kind of want to show off some of the success I have had over the past 5 years. I have come a LONG ways since we dated, both physically and financially.

I feel guilty that I still have feelings for my Ex. Almost as if I am cheating on my GF or something.. Very strange but I guess it would be unrealistic to expect someone to just become numb over past love affairs. Its just bad of me to compare my current companion to my ex.. Its like I use her as a benchmark or something, very hard to explain.

So I guess my question would be, would you contact her via email to say hello or just leave it alone?

Dude resolve your present relationship. How would you feel if your g/f was trying to contact her ex??

When you do things the right way, then you get better results.

If your having problems with her, then that should be your focus, not an escape route via your long lost ex.

Its obvious your thinking of her because things aren't going well in paradise. Leave if you must, but your way is cheating any way you cut it.

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Originally Posted by cptcaveman420

I have grown a lot and kind of want to show off some of the success I have had over the past 5 years. I have come a LONG ways since we dated, both physically and financially.

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I think there is something within us that wants to show that person from the past that "hey I did it, I moved on without you" almost to prove to ourselves that we didn't need them.

The reality is I think you are in love with a time in your life, and she was there during that time so you are romantizing the period of your life and giving her the credit and not the time.

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Originally Posted by cptcaveman420

So I guess my question would be, would you contact her via email to say hello or just leave it alone?

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Me personally, I'd say no.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Dude resolve your present relationship. How would you feel if your g/f was trying to contact her ex???

When you do things the right way, then you get better results.

If your having problems with her, then that should be your focus, not an escape route via your long lost ex.

Its obvious your thinking of her because things aren't going well in paradise. Leave if you must, but your way is cheating any way you cut it.

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I totally agree with your post. That's the reason I am asking for advice. I thought about it and if my current g/f had the urge to seek out a long lost ex, then yes that would bother me. If all was great my ex wouldn't even be in my thoughts, except for the occasional trigger here and there.

I want to stay with my current GF and make things work. That's why I haven't contacted my ex at this point. I'm a very loyal person and would never cheat on someone, even if it was just a simple email. The fact that other people think the same as myself, tells me that my initial hesitation was correct and justified.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When you do things the right way, then you get better results.

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This is so true.

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Originally Posted by cptcaveman420

I'm a very loyal person and would never cheat on someone, even if it was just a simple email.

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I think this would be emotional cheating. Sometimes emotional cheating can be worse then physical cheating.