My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months or so. He's been very sweet and accommodating so far, giving me what I want. He's even asked me to move in with him several times. He is also great in bed. He loves pets as much as I do.

However, he has a very bad temper. We had a really big fight once, and he broke his closet door out of anger. Every time we fight, I'm scared that he will hurt the pets instead of breaking stuff. Oftentimes I'm scared that he will hurt me, although he says he will never do that.

It turns out that his ex left him (with his children) because he was caught cheating on her. Apparently he impregnated the other girl, and his ex was very hurt. He also hit his ex once, and he tells me he's very sorry that he did this. He even told me to leave him the moment he physically hurts me, because he tells me that if I don't leave, he will most probably do it again.

We just had a fight earlier today, because he is extremely jealous of my guy best friend. He always accuses me of defending my friend, and that I never defend him. I was so angry because he can be very irrational when we fight, and I'm not allowed to say my thoughts or share what I am thinking or feeling because I'm scared he will get angry.

Everything in what I've put in points to an obvious answer, which is to leave him. However, we have shared pets, and I'm not so sure how we will divide them. We also have some assets shared in a joint account.

When we're talking in front of each other, I always give in. I am a very independent person, and this setup is new to me. I'm not used to being a passive, meek partner, but I become this really meek person when I'm with him. I seem to be very happy when I'm with him, but when we fight, it seems that I always want out of the relationship. Is this normal to always want out of a relationship? Or am I making a huge mistake in staying with him?

I've been praying hard for an answer, or at least for some guidance. I want to leave him, but I love him. Please help. I'd like to get out of this, but I'm so afraid.

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Originally Posted by kdcf

He even told me to leave him the moment he physically hurts me, because he tells me that if I don't leave, he will most probably do it again.

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When someone tells you this, get out, NOW! He has given you more than enough signs that this relationship is doomed for hurt, and failure. Leave now. You are making a HUGE mistake by staying with him.

Who cares if you love him? Do you love yourself? If you do, then get out of this situation before it gets nasty. Find help from your friends and family if necessary. There is support waiting for you, take it, and leave. Good luck!

Equation: Sweet + Accommodating + Loves Pets + Good in Bed + Physically Violent = Incredibly bad situation!!

Hey,you can stay on this thread all day long,but you may only get variations of what kc has said.He is talking a lot of sense. I think you already know the answer to this one.
Tell someone close to you what's going on.. get help,and get out..
Take the pets with you,and figure out the details when your in a safe situation,with back up available in case he does get angry.

You need to leave. You can't have love when you live in fear, and he is already lashing out in anger at stuff. How long before you're the stuff he lashes out at. Leave before that happens. It will happen, he said so.

... and what in this relationship is good... besides the sex??

He cheats
He blows up
He breaks things (5 to 10 yrs from now it could be your kid he hurts)
He told you to leave him the moment he physically hurts me, because he tells me that if I don't leave, he will most probably do it again. (again he could hurt you or any kids you have one day)

His ex left him over all this. Do you really think he is going to be any different with you?
NOT! because he has already started the same pattern with you. It is all down hill from there.
Take a lesson from his track record
TOO many red flags!

The worst things a girl thinks when they get into a relationship with the wrong guy are
*I will prove my love by sticking by him even in his temper/abuse
*He will change because he loves me more
*I can change him because we have something special

Get out and take what you can that isn't going to start a war between you.

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Originally Posted by kdcf

I want to leave him, but I love him.

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Beyond the fact that he's got a bunch of kids with different women.

Beyond the fact that he's already admitted to cheating.

Beyond the fact he's told he's going to hit you in the future (which is what he really said, let's be honest).

Beyond all that, you say you want to leave but you love him. If he commits a murder in front of you would you call the police or would you not because you love him. If he kidnapped a child in front of you, would make that known or would you keep quiet because you love him. Love has limits. I'm not sure what yours are, but you need to bring them up to date, and a man that is so out of control that he tells you he's going to hit again and again in the future is a limit to love. I wouldn't put the pets through that, and you are going to allow yourself to go through it for "love." If that's your definition of love, what's your definition of abuse?

I think he was really wrong for doing all of this but I think every person gets at least one more chance. Everyone makes real bad mistakes. No one is perfect. Tell him to go to physical therapy to get some help. If he doesn't agree to that then try to talk to him. If he has more problems just leave him.

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Originally Posted by SOCCERGAL

I think he was really wrong for doing all of this but i think every person gets at least one more chance. everyone makes real bad mistakes. no one is perfect. tell him to go to physical therapy to get some help. if he doesnt agree to that then try to talk to him. if he has more problems just leave him.

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So you're one of those people that will take the abuse and write it off as a one time thing? Hmm... interesting. Why would you wait around for physical abuse to happen again? Why wouldn't you protect yourself and get the hell out of that situation?

go to the emergency room now!!! They can get you the help you need and send you where you need to go!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SOCCERGAL

I think he was really wrong for doing all of this but i think every person gets at least one more chance. everyone makes real bad mistakes. no one is perfect. tell him to go to physical therapy to get some help. if he doesnt agree to that then try to talk to him. if he has more problems just leave him.

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Under your current "theory" everyone deserves a second chance? How about child rapists? I mean, it could have been a one time thing.

Seriously, you need to leave. Anyone who warns you that he may get violent, and if you don't stop it after the first time, he will do it again. He already did it with his ex, that should have been reason enough to pick up your stuff and leave. Tell him your are leaving, in the form of a letter from a far distance away.

You should stay in the relationship.

If you want to get beat, humiliated, cheated on, disrespected and lied to.


Sarah

RUN, do not walk, away from this creep. Worry about dividing up the pets and assets later. You can enlist an attorney to help you with all of that.

You only been together for 5 months and you can see his bad ways overpower his good.

I don't care if he is good in bed or how much you love him. Whenever a guy directly tells you to leave him if he ever hits you--that is a sign to leave him alone.

He has a bad temper, done hit his girlfriend in the past, then cheated on his&--and you really need to know if you should leave?

Btw, love doesn't have anything to do it. He have issues that he needs to resolves and your not the one to solved them.

If you love yourself leave or do as he said by sitting around waiting for him to hit you before you leave. The choice is yours.

You already stated you are scared of him so why stay? He already broke a door out of anger and your afraid he might hit the dogs next--again why stay?

You said it best when you wrote "Everything in what I've put in points to an obvious answer, which is to leave him." So what are you waiting for?

Then you wrote " However, we have shared pets, and I'm not so sure how we will divide them. We also have some assets shared in a joint account." Why do have pets and an account with him if your not married and only been with him for 5 months? Go take your money out of the account (you can do that) and take the pets with you because they aren't safe with him. And if he bothers you go to the cops.