Hello.

My husband has this problem that I was wondering if it was normal for a man.

We have been married almost 3 years now, and this happens maybe, once every 3 or 4 months.

Mostly I am looking for confermation of what I have already told him. He doesn't believe me.


What is happening is, last night we got into it, and it started good. He went oral on me and got me off, and we started with intercourse. And he was HARD when we started, however, he quickly went limp and couldn't finish.

This happens very very infrequently as I already said. And I told him it has to do with energy. We had been out ALL day yesterday doing bills and grocery shopping and then going swimming with our 5 year old. We were BOTH exhasted, and while women don't need very much energy to lay there and get oral sex, a man NEEDS that energy if he is going to orgasm. And it just wasn't there.


He doesn't think this is the issue. Is there anything else I am not aware of that may put his mind to rest?

Any other time he has NO problem what so ever in this issue and can sometimes go more than once in one night.

Thank you in advance

*edit* also, sorry for being so graphic in my terms, I did the best I could to stay 'clean'

Hey Jennie
My first thought on this was stress or his age could be a factor. All kinds of stress levels can effect that.

I didn't even think to include his age. He is 31 :)


That's a good idea about stress.

Well 30 is still young really. But you never know. Has he been under stress? There was a thread about this not long ago I remember reading. Hmmm I wish I could remember it I could forward it to you. Maybe you could get something out of it.

Energy doesn't have very much to do with it at all. It is important to remember that this part of the body is not a muscle, it is an organ.

Even at 30, age can be a factor; however, it would likely be more of a problem.

Many things can come into play here... stress, as sunflower mentioned or maybe just his psyche. Many men get ED and it's all in their head.

Does he drink, smoke, eat excessive unhealthy foods? Unhealthy lifestyle choices can cause issues like this as well.

Is your husband a diabetic or have any reason to have poor circulation, like being a heavy smoker? Maybe he needs to see a urologist. If he is worried about it, that alone can cause it to happen again sometimes.

He smokes, and his choloestrol is high, as well as his blood pressure. I didn't think those could be a problem... mmm... maybe this could make him start being healthier hehe. I could use this as a playing card to make him STOP eating the fat drippings with his roast :P


*edit* OMG I forgot to put the roast in the crock pot this morning!! Its too late now!! *Cry*

When a man "rises to the occasion", a muscle isn't being flexed.. rather an organ is being filled with blood. Healthy blood circulation is key to this process.

High blood pressure can very well be an issue, as well as some of the medications used to treat it.

Stress (not just pysical tiredness, but emotion tiredness) can cause this. He really should talk with his pysician about this as the issues might be easy to reat at this stage if they are addressed correctly. ED can be an early symptom of more serious disorders that are not yet diagnosed or treated.


But even with everything in order in the health dept, it does happen to most guys at some point, usually after being under a lot of stress.

Thank you everyone. You helped me understand this a lot better. :) ill talk to him about it.

What medication is he on? I just got a publication yesterday that states that cholesterol medication is an erection killer (so to speak)?

No cholestrol medication. But he is on depression meds. Cymbalta

And here's the package insert info: "decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm"

Thank you JKT. That's probably exactly what it is. I'm thankfull its only once every few months and not an all the time thing.

Honestly from a mans point of view when a man is hard and he goes limp it is usually that he is no longer interested in having sex with the same partner that is why a lot of males turn to porn to excite them. And this is not only from my point of view but from past conversations with other males

Enrique123, if you read the whole post, you would know that I said it only happens once every few months, and at other times (usually 2 times a week) everything is perfectly fine and passionate.

This is obviously not the problem.

JKT: Yes you should always check the side effects of drugs. If he doesn't" rise to the occassion" only once every two to three months I doubt that it is a side effect. It would likely happen more often. But read the whole insert. There are other side effects you should be aware of and his Doctor probably already told you about statins if it is that type of medication. It causes muscle pain and stiffness to the extreme in some cases. If he gets a lot of pain and muscle achiness and problems with stiffness of the muscles, he should tell the Doctor and get a different kind of medication. I know of one case where an older man got that reaction and was misdiagnosed. The said he had Lou Gerig's disease and he died from it. He was shown on the autopsy to not have Lou Gerigs but a reaction to a cholesterol med. I get that reaction only just mild pain and stiffness but my Doctor took me off it anyway. I take 1000mg of"flush free"Niacin every day. I am supposed to eat a low cholesterol diet and get lots of exercise too, take the fish oil and VitE supplements every day also. My Doctor recommended that. She felt that was very important. I feel safer taking Niacin but it may not work for everyone. Talk it over with his Doctor or if Insurance and time for office calls is a problem, talk to the Doctors nurse. She may have some answers for you and it doesn't cost anything. (yet) It pays off big time to take care of these things before it gets real serious. Use all the preventive medicine you can and stay well. SS

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Originally Posted by lshadylady

JKT: Yes you should always check the side effects of drugs. If he doesn't" rise to the occassion" only once every two to three months I doubt that it is a side effect. It would likely happen more often. But read the whole insert. There are other side effects you should be aware of and his Doctor probably already told you about statins if it is that type of medication. It causes muscle pain and stiffness to the extreme in some cases. If he gets a lot of pain and muscle achiness and problems with stiffness of the muscles, he should tell the Doctor and get a diferrent kind of medication. I know of one case where an older man got that reaction and was misdiagnosed. The said he had Lou Gerig's disease and he died from it. He was shown on the autopsy to not have Lou Gerigs but a reaction to a cholesterol med. I get that reaction only just mild pain and stiffness but my Doctor took me off it anyway. I take 1000mg of"flush free"Niacin every day. I am supposed to eat a low cholesterol diet and get lots of exercise too, take the fish oil and VitE supplements every day also. My Doctor recomended that. She felt that was very important. I feel safer taking Niacin but it may not work for everyone. Talk it over with his Doctor or if Insurance and time for office calls is a problem, talk to the Doctors nurse. She may have some answers for you and it doesn't cost anything. (yet) It pays off big time to take care of these things before it gets real serious. Use all the preventive medicine you can and stay well. SS

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You are incorrect - side effects do not HAVE to happen every time. My husband was a Doctor of Pharmacy, a teacher. I'm not just blowing smoke.

Niacin can also be very dangerous. I'm sure you have checked that out.

I have read many of your posts , you seem like a wonderful person. If your husband is good as person as you are ,then I would be willing to bet that it is probably a combination of both stress and meds .
Been there and done that as well. I am a Vet who has taken it all at one time or another . Until one day I got up told my wife no more drugs. That I will turn it over to exercise and God . The pills went from 30 a day to 2 . Weight drooped 60 pounds and the sex drive increased as well. I no longer feel like 43 going on 75 but a moderate 30 and look it as well. A good diet won't kill anyone either.

JKT: Sorry if I mislead you. It is only my opinion that if it happens only so seldom it probably is not a side effect. It certainly could be and only happen once in a while. Sounds unlikely but I'm not a Doctor. You really should talk to one.

Niacin is Vitamin B and as I said, you should always check for side effects. The only serious side effect I could find was an allergy to Nicotinic acid. I am not allergic.

What do you and your husband say is dangerous about Niacin? I can't find anything,and I did not, in fact know that and I would like to know. The flushing is uncomfortable so I take the slo release type.

If you and your husband are pharmacists and teachers, you know what I am saying is right if I made myself understood. If you do not understand, please write me again. I can do better. I strive to do better each day. SS