I have been reading a lot of these posts lately and it seems like NC is the solution for everything. So my question is, when do you know when NC is appropriate? My worry is that NC could possibly ruin any chances of a reconciliation, which I believe is possible for any relationship if both parties are willing. I'm sure every long term relationship has had breaks in between, and if they were to go NC after any break, they would still not be together. I don't believe there are any "perfect" relationships.

No contact is not about reconciliation.
It's about those having a difficult time handling a relationship that is over. So that they may rebuild themselves back up and get on their feet. Once your head has been cleared of the emotional baggage, it is easier to see a relationship for the problems and good qualities it had and evaluate once your head is out of the clouds.
Sometimes after NC people find that they have both grown in the time apart and they are entering the relationship with a different and hopefully better agenda.
Relationships are not meant to be roller coaster rides and without stability, trust, communication, compromise and love, there is not a foundation to build a relationship. So breaking up is not the solution for a healthy relationship to grow. You work through the situation together as a couple, that is part of being a couple.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

No contact is not about reconciliation.
It's about those having a difficult time handling a relationship that is over. So that they may rebuild themselves back up and get on their feet. Once your head has been cleared of the emotional baggage, it is easier to see a relationship for the problems and good qualities it had and evaluate once your head is out of the clouds.
Sometimes after NC people find that they have both grown in the time apart and they are entering the relationship with a different and hopefully better agenda.
Relationships are not meant to be roller coaster rides and without stability, trust, communication, compromise and love, there is not a foundation to build a relationship. So breaking up is not the solution for a healthy relationship to grow. You work through the situation together as a couple, that is part of being a couple.

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I get that, but my question is how do you know when to use NC? Basically, how do you know when to give up on the relationship and go NC? Every relationship has ups and downs, break ups and makeups. Do you set yourself an amount of time for reconciliation and if that time frame has passed, go NC?

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Originally Posted by aa2803

I get that, but my question is how do you know when to use NC? Basically, how do you know when to give up on the relationship and go NC? Every relationship has ups and downs, break ups and makeups. Do you set yourself an amount of time for reconciliation and if that time frame has passed, go NC?

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NC starts when the other person has requested their space, even if you are the one who requested it, NC should immense as soon as possible to set aside any mix emotions you have. Some people remain in NC forever and some reconcile, it depends on what caused the breakup and how much you want to be back with that person. NC has no set time!!

Usually people began contact (if they do) is when they are able to face the person or talk to them without those emotions resurfacing, NC is advisable when you can talk to that person just as a friend and not expect it to turn into a reconiciliation but are able to hold yourself together when talking or around them.

IN simple terms when you are strong enough to accept just talking to them without any expectations.

Here are some possibilities:

1) No contact starts when one of you have a change of feelings and that person stops trying to repair the relationship. In which case, the other person will need some time and space to recover from the breakup, so that they can stop holding on to something that isn't going to happen and to move on with their lives.

2) No contact starts when one person isn't sure about their feelings and requests for time and space.

The reason you might be confused about no contact is, you feel that there's still a chance for reconciliation. If that's the case, then you let the other person know how you feel. If the other person doesn't feel the same way, that there might be a chance sometime in the future, then you have to realize that it's time to move on.

There's no exact sign on when it's time to move on, but when the other person gave up trying, then you must realize that it's time to give up trying yourself. In which case, no contact helps with the healing process.

Some people are able to recover from a breakup without no contact. So no contact applies for people who are having a lot of difficulty getting over the breakup and needs to speed up the process.

Okay, first thing. NC is NOT about getting your ex back or used as a tool to get them back, it is used for YOU to heal and move on with your life.

Second, you should know to give up when the person says "I no longer wish to be with you" and then you take it for what it's worth. Enjoy the time you spent together and start on a new journey without them.

It sucks, yes but in the end the reward is well worth it. Read my story, see how far I truly have come from my devastating break up, and I came on here looking for reasons to stick around and Tal kicked me in my arse and got me on the right track(along with quite a few other people)

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My worry is that NC could possibly ruin any chances of a reconciliation, which I believe is possible for any relationship if both parties are willing.

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Yes if they are both willing, and one is not playing a game. Read the post carefully, and its not that NC is the solution to everything. Just when someone gets dumped, and is stuck, and cannot accept that its over. Your right no relationship is perfect, but most who come here for advice, always seem to find out the ex isn't willing to work with them for reconciliation, and need help moving beyond false hope.

Healing doesn't mean that things can't get better in the future, but you're a lot more realistic about it.

Sad to say, for whatever reason most relationships fail. That's just life, and you have to deal with it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-367703-3.html

I take it your still doing NC, so what's this reconciliation stuff?