Ask Me Help Desk - I am always sad

I'm 17 years old and for the last year of my life, I haven't enjoyed things.
I constantly feel sad, but have been feeling even worse these last few weeks. It's not depression, I wan't to change my life and be happy, I just don't know where to start.

First of all I have no idea where I want to go in life. Im sure that some of you have no idea what you want to do now and your older, but I have no passion or motivation for anything. College is pressuring me about higher education and the future. We have to write personal statements and choose universitys to apply to. I'm scared of picking something wrong and messing up my whole life. Also my parents are trying to help me but I feel like I'm getting different views of everyone and I don't have my own opinion. Not all of my friends, but a few are quite specific in what they would like to go in, whereas I have no idea :(

Secondly I don't like college, I knew I wouldn't they day I left high school. I'm not a sociable person, I am very shy and don't like meeting new people so college is a very scary place for me. I was in my comfort zone in high school and I feel like I can't asjust to college. I have another year left which will fly by and I need to sort out my further education.

Thirdly, I don't feel like a normal teenage. I have always been very mature for my age and I had to grow up fast when I was young due to my mother having cancer when I was 10. I had to do jobs round the house and cook and clean as well as sit exams in the last year of primary school. I never went out and played with my friends. My mother then got cancer again when I was 15 and in the last year of high school, so again I took over the role of cleaning and cooking whilst my dad was working long hours. I was also sitting my GCSEs and feel they didn't go too well. I never drink, which isn't a bad thing, but I never go out with friends and have fun, I don't do drugs or go sleeping around ( non of that I would want to do either! ) I don't want to learn to drive and I don't want to go to university. Its like I still want to be a child and make up for lost years.

This bring me on to my performance at high school and college. Fair enough I didn't do too bad I got 2 A's, 6 B's and 2 C's. But I set my standards so high and because I didn't reach them I feel as I I can't reach them which has led onto my first year at college having bad results. I took and exam in January for biology and got a U, this probably didn't help because ym dad fell in and had to have a kidney out, but I'm not making excuses. I then re sat it and finished the rest of my exams. I get the results in August and I am dredding them because it affects what subjects I can take next year, which will affect my university choices and subjects and basically the rest of my life.

The last thing is myself image. I am so unhappy with the way I look. I am over weight and I just can't get motivated to loose it. Being over weight makes me have little confidence which ties in with all my other problems. I am a virgin, which doesn't bother me because I'd rather wait for the right person, but I've not had a proper boyfriend and have never kissed anyone. I just feel like no one can love me.

I have talked to my friends about it and they seems to be going through a very down phase at the moment as they are in the same boat as me with the being over weight.

I just wanted someone to listen and see if they could give me any advice on where to start turning things around?

Thanks
A sad and down Rebecca
x :(

I'm so sorry your feeling that way Rebecca. You do sound like you are very mature for your age.

I had a very similar life when I was younger and I feel for you, but that's not going to help you. I just wanted you to know that I care even if I don't have the right words.

Be patient and some one will have the right words for you and they won't be 'just' words because people here care very much.:)

God bless

Hi :) I'm 19 and I'm half way through my first yr at university.I know exactly how you feel because I felt exactly the same way. Don't worry its normal! I only Decided what I wanted to do in my last yr of school.I think the most common advice given to people wanting to choose a career is, do something you enjoy, ul know what you want to do closer to the time or my personal favourite,ul get a feeling or be passionate about something and that's the direction you should follow.Personally I think this advice is the biggest load of crap. You don't just magically wake up one day and be like oh that's it I definitely want to be an occupational therapist. I think (and I can only say what worked for me) the best thing you can do is just take a step back and become consciously aware of how you picture your life.Every1 pictures themselves one day when they grown up.Wats in your picture? Big house? Lots of children, busy city? By the sea? Married? A quiet country cottage? A flash car? If u think you may want children is it wise to enter a profession wit demanding hours such as an ER doctor.If u want money what profession will earn you what you want? I think you should rather look at who you want to be and what sort of life you want and then find a career that will get you there. To me job satisfaction is knowing what your doing is helping you achieve your goals in life. I went to a few universities near me and I got a prospectus listing every degree they offered.I looked through all of them regardless of the entrance requirements.At first I felt overwhelmed wit choice but after pulling out the ones that suited my goals I was left wit a degree in commerce and 3 or 4 options.In the end I settled on accounting. I have never thought YAY lets go do acc but I am happy and really enjoying my degree but I know my life is going in the direction I want. I didn't meet the entrance requirements at the beginning of my final year, but once I had decided on what I wanted to do, I set those entrance requirements as my academic goal.Once I had a realistic thing to aim for I found it much easier to study and allocate my time. As far as the whole driving and childhood thing goes -> we are still kids, go responsibly crazy, your only young once... U don't want to end up 50 in a mid life crisis saying, I wish id tried that or had the courage to do that when I was younger. Look at collage as a new start.No 1 knows you which means you have the freedom to be anyone you want. If u walk up to sum1 and strike up a conversation they won't know your shy or don normally do that. The have an opportunity to create a new u!! Look forward to it and get to know yourself. Its sounds corny but once you love and respect yourself others can too, nothing can happen before that. You sound like a very responsible, sensible person and that will always ground u. You have all the ingredients for success, now you just gta bake the cake :) hope this helps!

I'm sorry your feeling this way hon.

It could simply be your hormones. You are still going through puberty at this time and it can make you go crazy sometimes.

But please talk to your mom so she can take you to the doctor or talk to your doctor yourself. He can get you to a psychiatrist that can help you a lot.

Good luck hon

Hey rebecca, you've had a tough few years and are still trying to make tough choices.

As regards school,is there a careers teacher you could talk to,even just to hash out some ideas,I'm 37 and have only found my niche.

You say you and your friends have been talking about weight issues,why don't you all get together and motivate each other,exercise is great for clearing your head and releasing those happy hormones the natural way.

The fun stuff,think your probably right,a day out sounds like a plan. The only way to do that is make a plan!

You write very well,do you keep a journal?

One last thing,you sound like a very giving person,I don't know how much spare time you have,but volunteering for a hospital or reading to children in a library may distract you and also give a feeling of well being.

I wish you well.

I suggest that you might like to speak to someone about how you're feeling, because your feelings are based on fear and insecurity.

Life is about to change - as it does at your age - and you're afraid of taking the first step.

Quote:

Its like I still want to be a child and make up for lost years.

Essentially, you're not as mature as you think - sure, you've had to do all the household stuff but what it's meant - and you recognize this - is that you've missed out on developing other parts of your life.

Now there are too many things that you can't decide, and you feel frozen and unable to take any steps, let alone the first step.

Why don't you have a talk to a counselor or a trusted adult? They can assist you to think through where you might start to turn things around - your weight might be a good place to start - you can for example do some exercise on a daily basis with your friends so that is it more fun. You can then think about College - choose the things that you're interested in and don't worry what it means for the future (you can always change things once you're there or do other study in years to come).

Just start by doing something, anything. Once you stop worrying and being afraid of the future you'll find you're in the present and enjoying yourself.