Hi, I am a married woman that is in the end of her marriage. We will be divorced in Sept. I was seeing a man that is in a open marriage he lives in another state. He would travel to see me for one week end every two months. We fell in love and we would talk about the if's he weren't married and how we would make a life together. He went so far as to giving me a wedding ring. During our time together, I would say I no longer wanted to be in the affair. Because I didn't like being 2nd and I really want a future with him. I wanted to be special. He would comfort me and say things will be OK and I would continue the affair. However,this last time I felt insecure and said it was over,he said goodbye. After that he cut me off completely. So,I panicked. I called and special and special all with no response. Finally,he answered the phone and said I let him go one to many times and that he no longer loved me. It had only been 5days that he gave me the ring looked me in my eyes and said I waS HIS 2ND WIFE WHEN WE ARE together. I begged and pleaded for him t give me the chance to work on myself and to stay in the affair with me. He said firmly NO.. and goodbye. A few days later I him after I calmed down and I said,if you ever need me my door is opened and if not OK and I wished him the best. He replied and said this is a better way for us to end and said he only wishes the best for me. My struggle now is I want to call or email him. I want us to still be connected. I miss him terribly and feel bad for being so indecisive. I don't know what to do. I haven't called or bothered him. I am wondering was any of what we had was real. Did he even love me at all? How can he say he no longer loves me just like that? Will I ever hear from him again? I am just so numb right now. I truly cared for him and still do. Can anyone help me with this?

You poor foolish dependent girl. It has to be painful when your only link to being happy is being just another piece of a$$, to a lying cheating b@st@rd. That has to hurt to be losing one relationship (marriage), and now another (mistress).

If you loved yourself a lot more, you wouldn't accept a guy using you for his own happiness, and not making you happy.

Doesn't it hurt you to beg a guy to be his 2nd wife. Don't you think you deserve better? Until you do, you sure won't get better.

If he wanted something to happen with you, he would have divorced his wife and be fully committed to you.

The fact of the matter is, he's a cheater. He's got it good with his wife, that's why he's not leaving her. Furthermore, he's got you on the side. If you give up the label of mistress, he's just going to look for another mistress.

It's time for you to let this cheater go and move on with you life and find someone who's faithful.

It doesn't really matter if it was real or not, because it's over now. Why anyone would want to be another person's 2nd priority is beyond me. Better it ended now and you didn't waste anymore time.

I wrote a whole post in response before a computer complication made me lose it.

Simpler version:

Tal is 100% most accurate. You are disrespecting yourself pleading with this disrespectful man. You need counseling and to deal with your self-esteem issues.

Songs and stories are written about this same thing.

Always be thankful for what you have before it's gone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 321543

Songs and stories are written about this same thing.

Always be thankful for what you have before it's gone.

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What did she have to be thankful for before it hit the road??
A man that is cheating on his wife?
Asking her to be his 'Second wife'?
A visit one weekend a month?

More like good riddance, there wasn't anything to appreciate. Did you read the post?

How can something be real in which he never devoted 100% to you.

You feel this way because of the divorce you are going through and this was nothing more than a rebound something to make you forget about the failed marriage.

How can something be real, the only thing real is that he is married, and you were his mistress. Not his wife, he can tell you anything but the reality is that he returned to his wife.

You knew it wasn't right, you even called it an affair.

I would suggest before you get into any relationship that you need to heal.
This relationship was doomed from the beginning, I suggest you set different standards when chosing a mate, find a man of your own.

Divorce is pretty much like getting a limb cut off, you survive it and there is a part of you missing. You have to learn how to live with that part of your life that has been amputated for a while before you can fully recover.

You had your foot on a banana peel from day one.

You're his second wife? You were begging to get that back? Do you realize what wife means? He has one wife, he took the oath under god to her... not to you. He wears her wedding band and sleeps in her bed. Not yours. You were his mistress, like the others said. Why would you beg for this back? He is in an open marriage? Are you sure of this? So you can call his house and his wife won't mind? I know it hurts but this is something you need to get over. Leave it alone and be thankful he won't take you back.