Hi everybody
I'm 14 years old, and I have a big problem, I'm very shy, every time the teacher or any one stranger ask me ,I go red (I don't know whybut I hate it), I think I care too much about what can other people think about me , and when I go to concerts or parties, I can't dance or have fun [cauz I'm shy:( ] ,I want to be a social person and meet new people, but I don't know how to start a conversation w/ someone or find an interesting topic that we can talk about .
So, I'm asking you guys to help meif you have ay advices , cause I really don't be shy anymore.



Fati.za

Recognizing that you are shy is the first step. Try to hang out with more outgoing friends who will give you the extra push to get you out of your shell. Read some "self-help" books to gain some confidence in yourself.

Just don't be scared of making a fool of yourself. If you embarrass yourself today, it might feel bad for 24 hours, but 24 days later, you can laugh about it.

You just have to 'make the jump' and try many times, after a while you become more experienced and it becomes a lot easier.

One way to start a conversation is to notice something about someone or something that they have said and start by asking them a question. When they answer... ask another, and listen intently. People are not good listeners today and when they find someone who is they automatically feel that you are a nice person. That way you may be able to build up a relationship/friendship. Try it, just keep asking good questions...

Good luck also,

Stringer

Try to participate in things where you excel. Being comfortable in your environment is a big boost. So if you're really good at art, join an art club (or something similar for whatever you like doing). Then you will meet people with common interests in a familiar setting. You're not so worried about making a fool of yourself because it's something you're good at.

Once you make a couple good friends, then you have a support system. So when you go to a school dance or game, you've got a couple people to hang out with. You'll eventually build a little network and the shyness will begin to fade over time.

As embarrassing as it is, blushing is a sign to many people that you are sincere. Your shyness puts your emotions close to the surface where they can't be hidden.

You are feeling noticed, that's all. I was the same, and it lasted for years. But I learned to just plow forward and do what I intended to do anyway. That worked. I did a lot and it became easy to talk with anyone. It's hardest for you now, and will get easier the more you do it.

Bottom line: Just be the person you want to be. Let yourself go red as much as you need to. Do everything you want to do anyway.

Silver lining: Around the time you are 20-21, if you still blush, you will be pleasantly surprised to discover that women find it very attractive. And if you develop a high level of competence in any area, you will also like the way they relate to shy, smart guys.

The attributes that are now bothersome will become your greatest assets. So get ready for that.

Tao

Well... hi
I have the exact problem tell me about it sister! Now my advice to you would be this:first of all as for topics to talk about all you have to do is open your mind completely,and you will there are hundreds of things to talk about its just about you actually talking about them.I know as Iam a shy person too I know our greatest fear is the possibility of akwardness if you forget about that then you will be OK.And you know we are teenager life is way too short to sit in the corners so when you get, this get up believe in yourself and the next time you go to a party get wasted man(I have heard it pumps people up).
I hope my advice helped:rolleyes:

Put yourself in positions where conversation with others will come easy for you. That usually means associating with others who share common interests with you, whatever those may be. What do you like ; sports, music, skateboarding, etc. Find a group of friends who like the same things that you do. You'll find that that makes you much less shy.

I used to be shy, So hat I did was get up really rearly in the morning (0600) on a Saturday and get the bus to a far away town, somewhere over an hour away, just pick something random on the timetable.

When I got there I'd walk around the town centre and talk to anybody I saw, offered to carry old ladies shopping.. the best talkers are old men who are waiting on buses. Also try to talk to some people your age too, I'd go to coffee shops around 1400 and talk to the waitress my age (16/17 at that point) who were on their lunch break.

The great thing is, these people don't know you, no one you know knows them.. there COMPLETE strangers, which may sound scary, but its actually good, cos if you make a pigs ear of the conversation.. it doesn't matter

this is the second case of bad advise your giving to minors 'helpless_soul'

your encouraging a 14 year old to go hours away from his/her parents home and talk to random strangers? This is one of the most dangerous things I have ever heard.

I'm not forcing to do it, its up to her.

This is an advice forum, all I'm doing is sharing my experiences of what I've done so far in life to get me where I am.

It worked for me, staying in public places well in sight of everyone is reasonably safe. Also with cell phones parents are no more than a few buttons press away.


Also if the girl dosen't go out into the world and learn these social skills, she'll be stuck in the place she is at the moment

Agreed Jeannie, If something happens to this minor because of your advice you should feel a lot of grief.

I don't think this was intentional, however you should be aware that minors frequent this site and you should alter your advice accordingly.

Where they are in the public with people around in not a validation, a simple "yes you are right"
Would suffice.

Stringer

I'm super shy to. I used to live with ridicule and it well.. made me super shy. Anyway don't change because your fine. You see all these kids acting like their so cool because they yell in class or do bad things.Well their not cool. My teachers used to let their friends work together. I would sit alone. And this one group of girls would sit together. They would always want to include me. They would say hi! And even that would make me blush. But that's okay because I read from a magazine that said girls that are super shy in middle school are more likely to succeed in things. It also said that shy girls will not be shy when their older.
Stay Strong and don't care what people think of you think of yourself as your beautiful self.

Sometimes the people who are the most shy are the ones who are most judgemental. If you think you are overly judgemental of yourself or others then you could work on that and you would find that the less judgemental you are the less shy you will be. Awareness is the first step. It sounds like you might be your own worse enemy! :) Be easier on yourself!

Seriously, a lot of people are shy but most don't show it. Some overcompensate by becoming 'class clowns'. Others throw themselves into a hobby or sport that they do quite well to help them feel better. Still others become loud and boisterous. Everyone copes the best way that they can. Some people withdraw and these people often take longer to get over their shyness because they are withdrawn. I was painfully shy for many years (and yes, very judgemental of my own self). The funny thing was... most people thought I was very confident.

Try to understand that many people share your problem. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Push yourself just a little bit past your limits and it will make you stronger.

Now, as far as how to start a conversation... I have a great solution! Find something to compliment about the person you would like to start a conversation with. Here are a few ideas:

"I love your earrings! Where did you get them?"

"You are a great dancer. Could you teach me a few pointers?"

"I'm sorry but I just have to ask... where did you get that awesome sweater?"

It's true, too, that as you get older you become less shy. Just look at older people... they will talk to anyone! :)

Just relax, go easier on yourself, tell yourself 3 things that you like about yourself every day, push yourself to do one thing that you are shy to do every day and it will change.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi