I met this girl a year ago we became really really good friends she means a lot to me we became really close for more than the year after that we both had bad times in our lives and she suddenly started to push me away saying she needed time and space I was passing tru a bad phase fighting with my girlfriend and she got jealous of this girl. My friend stopped talking to me and I kept trying to reach her talk to her but things just kept getting worst and I kept trying until I scared her away things got really bad between us and then I started to feel different with her and started to fall for her my girlfriend noticed I was depressed and asked what was wrong but I didn't had the heart to harm her by telling her that I was falling in love with my best friend I kept getting depressed and being alone all the time until my girlfriend got worried and went into my computer and found out about me talking to her and that she actually even though she had a boyfriend too had some feelings for me and left me after she saw that. She got really harmed and thought I used her and cheated on her. After that I was so sad and desperate that I came up with the terrible idea of pushing my friend away at all costs I told her I didn't liked her that she was a coward for pushing me away when I needed her that she was replacing me. Well... tons of things that where lies because I felt I didn't wanted to loose my girlfriend atm eventually my girlfriend went away no matter what I did to try and get her back. And now I've been trying to get my best friend to talk to me again because I miss her because I love her deeply and she doesn't know she thinks I'm an unreliable psycho that harmed her for pleasure and she doesn't know I did it for my girlfriend even though it was a horrible thing to do I'm really sorry but she won't believe me, I know she still cares because sometimes she tries to get close to me but she repels me after and says she doesn't care about me anymore I don't know if she feels guilty for letting me get close or something and it hurts me so much. Now she has someone else she talks to now and I think she's happy so I really want to let her go because I'm afraid I'm not good enough for her or for anyone but I do miss her she became my world and I feel guilty for doing this to my girlfriend but it just happened my feelings changed my girlfriend tries to talk to me too but I can't look her at the eyes without feeling bad and my friend became my love and my life and I can't have her and I can't talk to her anymore and its killing me everyday I don't know if she really cares I don't know what should I do anymore I'm desperate I want to tell her the truth what I feel about her and then walk away but I also keep the hope that she could forgive me and if I confess my feelings to her shell walk away for good I don't know if telling her what I feel and risk losing her forever or wait for her and see if she forgives me I know she has a boyfriend she loves I know shell never look at me that way but I love her so much that I'm willing to be just a friend and eat my own pain to never say I love her just to be at her side I'm willing to die for her. What should I do lost my girlfriend over my friend I lost so much even some others friends that we had in common now I'm alone but I still want her back what can I do what should I do please help me

Take a break from dating until you work stuff out for yourself. You treated both girls like dirt from what I got out of this. You were practically cheating on your current girlfriend with this other girl who has a boyfriend. No wonder your girlfriend left you. Would you want to stay with someone who loved someone else more than you even though they were supposed to be committed to you? I don't think so. And now this other girl, she's got a boyfriend. Do you think he wants you talking to her, being by her side, hanging out with her? no. probably not. Do you think she wants you calling her when she's with him? Or that she would want to tell him "can't hang out with you tonight, i've got plans with this other guy that is pretty much obsessed with me." you need to work on getting over all of this. Honesty and trust is the msot important in a relationship. You've demonstrated that you can't be honest. You need to learn to be honest before you enter another relationship