Sooo,this guy at the gym kept looking at me for months.Finally he asked me about his turtles(I am a specialist for reptiles(and he came to my house and I helped him with his turtles and he hooked up my TV and we flirted at the gym and then he started coming to my house in the evening,just asking questions like something about his turtles or that he just wanted to check if I am all right and then finally one night he kissed me,told me that I am beautiful and he was so passionate,that he was trembling.I really thought that he liked me.
We were intimate two times and he really seemed to like it but now he is distant,does not want to talk to me.At the gym,I tried to talk to him but he was evasive so I stopped but I am puzzled.There is an age difference-I am older but it didn't seem to make a difference before.

So you already slept with him?

If you did. I'm sorry but it looks like he already got what he wanted.

Sad but true.

Sarah

OK, I am going to make a few assumptions, First is that You are VERY attractive, second is that this isn't the first time you have encountered this sort of thing.
Guys have this thing about fantasizing about women that they see in everyday situations, like you at the gym for instance. Sometimes they are just looking for something on the side, and sometimes they build up the fantasy so high that they actually are disappointed when reality happens. This truly is the " It's not You, it's Me" scenario! Guys are never sure of what they want... even when they have it!
And unfortunately it is Beautiful women like yourself that pay the price. So, you really only have 2 options... #1 Dismiss him as easily as he has to you.
Or #2 Track him down like the dog that he is and confront him!

Ahem,I can't remember putting up a pic of myself here...
Anyway,he didn't seem disappointed,quite the opposite...
And we have known each other since at least a year so it's not like I hurried it...

Why don't you just ask him?

If he just wanted to "hit it and quit it" he'll end up giving you some crappy answer like "oh i'm pretty busy now", "I wish we could talk but I have to go home and feed my turtles".. etc.

Seriously. Just talk to him- it'll be the only way you find out the truth.

Sarah

Well,the gym is not the right place and that's the only place I see him... I don't want to be a phone stalker and generally only call guys if it's important...

Maybe he is just confused, or maybe he changed his mind?:confused:

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Originally Posted by beanster

Well,the gym is not the right place and that's the only place I see him...I don't want to be a phone stalker and generally only call guys if it's important...

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You were intimate with him. You posted this on a public forum, I am pretty sure this is important to you.

Why not go up to him at the gym and say "Hey Tom, I was just wondering why you've been distant lately." and let him answer it. If not you can always leave him a voice mail and say "Hey Tom, I've seen you at the gym but I didn't want to disturb your exercise routine. I've been wondering why you've been distant lately? Maybe we can go out for lunch this weekend. Talk to you later bye".

If he doesn't call you back then you'll know.

Be straight forward- how else will you get an answer?

Sarah

Sounds more like he got what he wanted and had a change of heart. If he was interested, he wouldn't be ignoring you.

It sucks, but he should be able to treat you with more respect than that.

Time to move on...

I did:I asked"was it something I did??"and he said"No"and that was it.When I approach him he looks me in the eyes,not away and seems attentive,but distant.I have to say that I have watched him and he does not seem the usual player type.He is always very polite to everybody and we know many people mutually.Today I did catch him watching me from a distance... But I paid to attention to him.I will keep it this way unless he talks to me.

I did:I asked"was it something I did??"and he said"No"and that was it.When I approach him he looks me in the eyes,not away and seems attentive,but distant.I have to say that I have watched him and he does not seem the usual player type.He is always very polite to everybody and we know many people mutually.Today I did catch him watching me from a distance... But I paid no attention to him.I will keep it this way unless he talks to me.

There is really no player type. There are ones that have the "standard" look but there are others who don't "seem" like it.

It really doesn't matter if he looks at you or not, or how many times he glaces at you.

The fact is you asked him and he said no. There has been no further communication after this.

Now you need to move on.

Sarah

Here's a though, you seem to be expecting more for some reason. Did you tell him before you slept with him that you would be needing a lifetime of affection from him for the sex?

Why is it his fault?

Just shedding some light on the situation.

Hey beanster,guys are s and this guy is no exception,you were nice to him and he strung you along until he got between your legs. Don't be mad at yourself or him,just be wiser next time. You say you are older than him,next time act like it

If you ask him anything he is going to lie to you.

mudweiser's right again, he got what he wanted, he may have thought he liked you at one point but now doesn't for one reason or another.

You'll have to let it go.

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Originally Posted by beanster

I did:I asked"was it something I did??"and he said"No"and that was it.When I approach him he looks me in the eyes,not away and seems attentive,but distant.I have to say that I have watched him and he does not seem the usual player type.He is always very polite to everybody and we know many people mutually.Today I did catch him watching me from a distance...But I payed to attention to him.I will keep it this way unless he talks to me.

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Of course it was nothing you did, why did you ask that. You made it about you and you know it wasn't about you.

You asked the wrong question therefore you got a very solid answer of no, with no closure. Just forget about him, because if he wanted to talk he would, and if he wanted to be with you he would. Doesn't matter how he looks at you it's what he is not saying to you, and the way he is acting.

I agree with Sarah, it sounds like he got what he wanted. Your "question" was no question at all. You sound like you either want to date this guy, or you want to know why he did the "bait and switch". My opinion is that he's the type of guy who keeps a tally. He saw, he hunted, and he completed the task at hand. Guys like this make me sick. How dare he be rude and distant to you now?I'm quite sure there's a trail of broken promises behind this guy. I'd say to hell with him and you move along. Don't give him the satisfaction of you seeming interested. All that does is boost his ego even more.I can hear him now " hey man, this chick won't leave me alone". What a jacka$$. Ignore him at all cost. Learn from this. Guys like this make me glad I didn't have a sister. Good luck and GOD bless.

Well,maybe men are not so easy to figure out after all.I did not talk to him for several days.When I was at the gym,I just did my thing and eventually,he walked right up to me as I was jogging past.I locked eyes,said"Hi"and went about my way.He called that night but I didn't answer.He called the next day as I was out with friends so I told him that I am busy and he could call me once he finished with his work.He did!
The next day I did not go to the gym and he called and asked why I was not there and asked very nicely if he could come over and he did.We talked about going to a show together that will be in September and he talked about his work and we had a nice time.
I do not want a serious relationship,just some fun and company-just to make that clear.If you read my other threads,you know that I had come out of a troubled marriage and since that time got my life on track and am not ready for any commitment.
This guy at the gym had been pursuing me for a long time-maybe a year.
But I had hoped for more insight by other guys.

The simplest answer is he may not be as interested as you are, and it seems to me you would have taken his visit as a chance to find out what's up with this guy. Why assume and wonder when you can get your answers from him?

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Asked very nicely if he could come over and he did.We talked about going to a show together that will be in September and he talked about his work and we had a nice time.

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I think you blew a chance to get some real answers.

You can't build on anything without straight up honest communications.

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I do not want a serious relationship,just some fun and company-just to make that clear

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We gotcha, but does he??

It sounds as if the only reason he became interested in you again was when you ignored him. Like he was playing some sort of game with you. Just becareful with this one. I know you said you weren't looking for any attatchments, but you still don't deserve to have your emotions played with. If he does this duck and weave thing, without any more explanation than a "no"(like he did last time) I would dead it personally for good. I hope for your sake he's a good guy.