Ask Me Help Desk - Bachelor party

Bachelor party

Hello everyone, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3years (long distance for 2years of it) We see each other every few months. Everything is good. We are planning on marrying and moving in together in about 2 or 3years.

Today I was talking to him about bachelor parties and his views on them. He pretty much told me that he expects to get a lapdance from the girl naked and he will touch her and everything. I asked if he would have sex with her and he said he didn't know.
I can't BELIEVE THIS. I don't know if I should break up things with him now . ( I'm suppose to fly 2000miles in 2weeks to see him) Like knowing he will cheat on me in about 3years , makes me sick. I don't know what to do.

( Also I consider getting a dance from a naked women and touching her is cheating for sure) Please help me figure out what to do.

While not the moral thing, lap dances, at least at upscale clubs do not include touching,
And again depending on his age, he may have just been pushing your buttons on this.

But if he can not say that he will not cheat in 3 years ( have sex with someone else) then you need to worry more about him cheating now, esp if you are 1000's of miles away

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

While not the moral thing, lap dances, at least at upscale clubs do not include touching,
And again depending on his age, he may have just been pushing your buttons on this.

But if he can not say that he will not cheat in 3 years ( have sex with someone else) then you need to worry more about him cheating now, esp if you are 1000's of miles away

He lives in a 3rd world country so its easy to get girls to do more. Also we are 20years old. I just don't want to waste my time with him now if he is going to do this. But am I overreacting?

Talk to him, tell him that what he said really bothered you and that you won't accept him cheating on your, ever!

Even if it was a joke, it wasn't funny.

Don't talk to us about it, talk to him, he's the one that can give you the answers you need to make an informed decision.

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Talk to him, tell him that what he said really bothered you and that you won't accept him cheating on your, ever!

Even if it was a joke, it wasn't funny.

Don't talk to us about it, talk to him, he's the one that can give you the answers you need to make an informed decision.

Good luck.

I did tell him it bothered me and he told me it was tradition! And I can't believe for him to say this stuff. I don't no what to do

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

I did tell him it bothered me and he told me it was tradition!! and I can't believe for him to say this stuff. I dont no what to do

Then tell him to find someone that shares his traditions.

In what country is it tradition to cheat your future wife?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Then tell him to find someone that shares his traditions.

In what country is it tradition to cheat your future wife?

Mexico . Like it said it all depends on what the friends plan. It can be anything from just guys drinking or complete stripper night! I don't no if I should be with him cause of this. I have issues with guys cheating on me in past relationships. Uhh I don't no what to do

Planning to cheat on you in three years should set a big alarm off in your head. He needs to grow up and realize that he doesn't need to have sex with another woman before he gets married just because it's his last night as a single man! Long distance or short, the answer would be no for me. Good luck!

Having been to a few bachelor parties, I will admit that lap dances, including touching and such, is not that uncommon an event. I also know that at some stagette parties, touching the male dancers is not so uncommon either. Women can party just as hard as the men sometimes.

Sex, In my opinion, is crossing the line however. That seems to be the rule that most don't break... but it happens.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

mexico . like it said it all depends on what the friends plan. it can be anything from just guys drinking or complete stripper night! i dont no if i should be with him cause of this. i have issues with guys cheating on me in past relationships. uhh i dont no what to do

Yes you do.

You're having doubts, so go with your gut.

Obviously he's not taking it seriously, so why waste three years of your life waiting to marry a guy that thinks cheating on you is part of tradition.

He doesn't sound like a keeper to me.

Also, if his life and the choices he makes depend on his friends and their plans, that sad. Isn't he smart enough to make his own decisions? I guess not.

Dump him, find someone with the same morals that you have, this guy doesn't.

I willsee how it goes when I go visit him.. mm I wish he had a different mindset

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

i willsee how it goes when i go visit him.. mm i wish he had a different mindset

Realize that you can't change his ideals. If you think you can you're fighting a losing battle.

Either accept him as is or move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Realize that you can't change his ideals. If you think you can you're fighting a losing battle.

Either accept him as is or move on.

:( I wish I didn't love him so much

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

:( i wish i didnt love him so much

You love him but can you live with him and his ideals? That's the question.

Just remember that you can't change him, so you have to take him as is or leave to find someone who you can live with.

Love doesn't conquer all, it's not the only thing that matters and it won't see you through everything. You have to have respect, the same ideals, morals, goals, otherwise you're heading down a path with a dead end.

Why get married to someone if it's just going to end up in divorce?

Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and dumb too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

You love him but can you live with him and his ideals? That's the question.

Just remember that you can't change him, so you have to take him as is or leave to find someone who you can live with.

Love doesn't conquer all, it's not the only thing that matters and it won't see you through everything. You have to have respect, the same ideals, morals, goals, otherwise you're heading down a path with a dead end.

Why get married to someone if it's just going to end up in divorce?

Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and dumb too.

This is his only thing that REALLY has bugged me in 2years.. uhh

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

:( i wish i didnt love him so much

If you can't trust him, then there's no point trying to force a relationship with him. We all understand that you care about him, but frankly you're only leading yourself into more heartache.

He sounds a bit juvenile, but I suppose he is only twenty. I think perhaps you are a bit young to be worried so much about marriage, but I have plenty of friends who were married around your ages and they are still happy.

It's all about how much you are willing to put up with. Are you going to change your own standards and sacrifice your own happiness just to be with him? Is there enough good to outweigh the bad? These are questions you'll have to face, otherwise you will never truly be able to love him.

And of course, we can't answer them for you. We can only give you directions; it's your choice what path you want to take.

~ Tee

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

this is his only thing that REALLY has bugged me in 2years .. uhh

Yeah, admitting to having sex with someone else is kind of a big deal. The fact that he lives in Mexico now and you don't mght mean he's already cheating on you. Did you ever consider the fact he's just using you for a visa?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

this is his only thing that REALLY has bugged me in 2years .. uhh

Of course it is, you've been in a long distance relationship, you don't see each other on a regular basis, how is he going to bug you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

Yeah, admitting to having sex with someone else is kind of a big deal. The fact that he lives in Mexico now and you don't mght mean he's already cheating on you. Did you ever consider the fact he's just using you for a visa?

No I have considered that but he doesn't want to move he has his own business there

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny9876

no i have considered that but he doesnt want to move he has his own business there

So you will be moving to Mexico?