I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I really really care about him. He's pretty much my world. But over these past two years, he's been known to mess around behind my back. He's never actually touched anyone, but it isn't for a lack of trying.

Ever since the first "attempt," I've been absolutely crazy about watching him. It's to a point that just isn't normal. For example: I asked to borrow his phone a few weeks ago to call my mom. I went to the "recent calls" screen to get the number and saw a number I didn't recognize. I automatically started to think "who is this? could it be that girl from his college class?" but I called my mom and didn't ask about it. Later, I started to call her back, went to the recent calls, and they were all deleted except my mom and his parents. My first thought was "he deleted that number so I wouldn't see it. It IS that girl from his class!" and it bothered me all day. Just little things like that. I'm driving myself crazy with this.

When I start to go out to spend time with friends, all I can think is "I wonder if he's talking to his ex right now" Mainly because it's usually at night that everything happens. Now he has texting and every text he gets, I wonder if it's from her. I don't want to lose him because I'm being "psycho girlfriend" but I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I don't trust him anymore no matter how bad I want to.

If anyone has suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.

If he's not faithful to you, or is trying to not be faithful to you LEAVE HIM. Lust is a sin, too. Even if not acted on. His thoughts are not all about you, and his intentions reflect it. Time to move on, before you rip out all your hair and drive yourself nuts. Find someone that is dedicated to YOU!

While the healthiness of making someone you're with your whole world can be questioned, it's obvious he hasn't returned the feelings of devotion. Suspicion and distrust can eat away at your sanity, and it's all the worse when it's justified and the person you don't trust is not interested in restoring it. In a situation like that, you're better off moving on.

Confront him! And be honest

When you lose trust, you have all types of insecurities that follow. That's not a relationship, and you need to talk, and deal with it, or leave each other alone.

See, I've confronted him about it but he just says he hasn't done anything. I have to literally show him the proof before he'll admit it. I really care about him and I want to be with him, but I don't like being the "oblivious girlfriend"

Thanks so much for all your answers. I really appreciate it guys.

Can I ask why you confront someone and not give them the proof you have?

Girl, I feel your and pain that your going through. I'm right with you. He doesn't admit to when confronted unless I have proof. Now I'm the psyco girlfriend because I'm constantly watching over him, his stuff it's like I want to find numbers. This is my 1st relationship that I've being so insecure off, jealous, and possissivve over. Even through were still together why? I don't know. He treats me like emotionally. I can't seem to let go. Unless you want to go through want I'm going through then stay. I've being in this relationship for 5yrs. I should have left a long time ago. Myself esteem doesn't let me move on. I feel like I deserve this.

Well I'm a guy and my ex constantly hid her phone from me, and was sneaky about it and I felt in my guts there was something going on and I was right because there was, if your gut it telling you something is wrong, most likely that's the case, and you need to communicate that to him, and if he keeps doing it then I would bust it off as soon as you can because you will end up being even more crushed in the end. There are three things to a relation ship , honest respect, and loyalty, if they don't fall under those catagorries they aren't ready for good people like u, they need to get stepped on a little bit to learn, and let god do his work.

Trust is the most important foundation in a relationship,

You also can't have a true relationship until you love yourself, because if you don't love yourself you can't love somebody else,

Life is short, why put yourself through the crap,

Drop him like a brick, go find yourself, and then you will find a guy you will truly be happy with, questioning his actions means your not happy, we need to be happy in this life, there is a time for mourning aand a time for happiness but also a time for a balance in between, we make the world we live in, this can't be the world that you want to live in is it?

First, I would like to know what the "first incident" which brought about this distrust in him was.

Second, just playing devil's advocate here, why do you feel every number is a girl's number? It could be anything, a missed call could be a bill collector, a fake business or anything.

Third, now is it simple conversations that you bring up that he doesn't remember? Is it the same day or are there days in between and then you ask him about the chats? I only ask because I can't remember what I had for dinner sometimes, let alone who I talked to 2-3 days ago

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Originally Posted by bellybooboo

See, I've confronted him about it but he just says he hasn't done anything. I have to literally show him the proof before he'll admit it.

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If he's lying to you and you don't trust him, why are you two still dating?

Zoe, I wouldn't go out of my way to delete a bill collector's number. But I have been known to erase text messages from other people, but leave texts that mean something to me. Like conversations of importance or people's new number. Stuff like that, same thing goes for numbers. Sometimes I'll erase random numbers so it's easier to dial the ones I use the most. Ie, mom, dad fiancé and brother.

While if there is reasons behind her being like this, I'd be worried but if not then I am going to be neutral, it all depends on what that "incident" was

I just think resolution of problems start with HONEST expressions of feelings, and that has to work on both sides. Only then can you have the facts, whether its you being insecure, or him being not completely truthful.

Assuming, and presuming, is dangerous to the life of any relationship. You can't take the actions of your partner personally, but you do have to be able to express yourself, and make a decision for yourself, as what you need to happen. Either he works with you, or he doesn't, but you will see what you should do about it.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Sometimes I'll erase random numbers so it's easier to dial the ones I use the most. Ie, mom, dad fiance and brother.

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That makes sense. I didn't think of that.

Now I'm not saying that's why he did what he did, but there are explanations. I hope she can tell us what that incident is, then maybe we can get some better insight.

Communication about this would go a long way

Yeah it would. Lol

I'm still with him because it isn't often he does these things. It's on average, every 4-5 months. I'm really happy with him between those months. So I can't really bring myself to leave him. I just needed to know if there was any way to be a little less paranoid.

To describe the 'incident' without going into a lot of detail, he attempted to (for lack of a better term) "hook up with" one of my good friends. He was trying to convince her to have sex with him and such. Luckily she told her boyfriend who told me and actually showed me the email that was sent. And admittedly, that's the worst he's done. Since then, it's been little things.

I know I should leave him, but when he's not going through... whatever it is that gets him every few months, he is a really good boyfriend. He's sweet and he compliments me and would do anything in this world for me. I've kind of thought he might do it because I'm so paranoid and controlling, that maybe I drive him to do it. And that's why I posted this. I just needed help to quit being so... psycho.