I am a healthy happily engaged mother of three. I have a long and crazy past- 3 kids, 3 different dads. The youngest's dad is my ex husband. I divorced him 3+ years ago and now am engaged again. I love my fiancée, he is just like my best friend, we can talk about anything, sex, past experiences in life, crazy friends, etc... I have a problem though- He knows that I used to date only women, when I first divorced my ex, and he keeps talking about my sexuality so openly that it makes me feel almost like part of him wants me to be that way again, and I find myself missing being with women sometimes. He says that this is only because I "used to be gay, and it wont ever go away" but I am just kind of confused about it. I love him, and never want to leave him, so if anyone wants to lend some opinions, I would appreciate it. Thanks!:)

You say that you use to be gay, I am confused on this. Why can't you be just bisexual. You like to experience men and women. This is your sexual choice. There is nothing to be confused about. When you start trying to make excuses for your feelings, that is when you become confused. Be who you are and if you want to be in a relationship one time and a male relationship another, then go with the flow. Meaning, follow your heart, be who you are and love the one you with. Make the best of it. Good luck.

It's great that you have such open communication with your fiancé. So just tell him that you'd prefer if he didn't bring up your past anymore. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable because you're with him now and whether male or female, you don't want to harp on any of your past relationships.

I didn't say I used to be gay, that's what he said to me...

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Originally Posted by lilmommakris

I am a healthy happily engaged mother of three. I have a long and crazy past- 3 kids, 3 different dads. The youngest's dad is my ex husband. I divorced him 3+ years ago and now am engaged again. I love my fiancee, he is just like my best friend, we can talk about anything, sex, past experiences in life, crazy friends, etc... I have a problem though- He knows that I used to date only women, when I first divorced my ex, and he keeps talking about my sexuality so openly that it makes me feel almost like part of him wants me to be that way again, and I find myself missing being with women sometimes. he says that this is only because I "used to be gay, and it wont ever go away" but I am just kind of confused about it. I love him, and never want to leave him, so if anyone wants to lend some opinions, I would appreciate it. Thanks!:)

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Lilmom,

Please ask yourself these questions:

When you just think of what is going on in you, regarding your own well-being, what do you want to occur? Do you want to explore sex with women openly with your fiancée? Do you feel that he talks about your sexuality in an inappropriate way? Or not? If a part of him wants you to to be like you were, dating women, and you find yourself missing being with women sometimes, is that part of him doing you a favor or making trouble for you? What do you truly want in this situation?

When you think of what is going on in your daughters, regarding their well-being and the relationship between you and them, what needs to happen? How does your sex life affect your family? (Your daughters' ages would lead to different questions.) What would occur if you made a lifestyle change?

What is the deal with your fiancée? Does he want to marry you and have you have affairs with women? If so, including or excluding him? If not, what does he want? Does he have insight into you, or is he just lobbying for something?

You communicate well, so ask him. Listen well to his answers. Then think through the other questions (Maybe do that first. Then go talk with him.) Absolutely, don't let this become an argument. This is a chance for deeper honesty, revealing yourselves, and discovering who you are at another level.

If, on the other hand, If you feel that you are not ready to deal with these realities, just ignore him when he talks that way. Or tell him to stop. Drop it from your mind. Continue your life as planned.

Tao