I'm 22 years old and live with my parents due to the current economy and having very slight autism and Adhd. For a long time I was on medications but have since had my doctor take me off as they had begun to make me feel much worse.

I was bullied constantly throughout my school years so this has caused me to be somewhat sensitive and easily shaken as well which my father thinks I am hanging onto to excuse what he's doing.

My problem is my 80 year old father is very abrasive to me about helping around the house saying I'm not doing something right and cursing. He also comes up with random accusations like he thinks just because I take vitamins he thinks I'm anorexic and not eating which is not true. I do my best to eat right and eat the right things.

I was bullied constantly throughout my school years so this has caused me to be somewhat sensitive and easily shaken as well which my father thinks I am hanging onto to excuse what he's doing.

When I confront him in a rational way he is very quick to get angry and blame me and my problems I was born with, when I am typically a nice quiet helpful well minded and understanding person. He's very accusatory to me and never seems to realize his anger and bad temper especially when it's so easy for him yo unjustly blame me.

He has in fact stated to me that after his time in the navy, no one could be around him for 8 years at work or on a personal level because of the way the navy affected his temper and mentality.

All I ask for humbly is respect from him. I'm very respectful when people are respectful to me and turn and even when people get angry I still do well maintaining it.

His personality is wearing on me emotionally and mentally. Is this my fault? I don't think it is but it's hurtful how he either can't or won't realize what he's doing to me. I don't think I need to be on medicines again either but get the feeling he thinks this way. How can I get him to see what he's doing?

Deanna, you don't say if you have a job, but living at home because of economics.

What you are going through is unnecessary and would suggest moving into a small apt. something you can afford for peace of mind within yourself. You would be much better off on your own.

He is 80, wow, your parents must have had you late in life and that is a big problem with control issues, as you might have already realized.

It sounds as if you might have inherited some of his issues, as you say, he explained to you how he was in the Navy.

History does not have to repeat itself. Get yourself out of there and live your life to the fullest you can, without medication.

Ms tickle

I hope you have a job because you have to get out on your own... you father is never going to change his attitude. He is a blame and faultfinding older man; that's not going to change, so you have to change,, as in move out and make your own life, a happy life.

I think you should get an evalulation by a psychiatrist first. Consider taking medication that would make it much easier for you to function in society... job, friends, boyfriend, activities and so on.

The reason you are here on earth is to find happiness, not unintentionally get trapped in behaviors that make you miserable in the long run.

Best wishes to you in the future,

I understand you have been through a lot, but you can not use that all the time in your life to explain the way your feeling. I admit things that happen to us can shape who we are but that is only and only if you let that happen. It sounds like the army really changed your father. He is an 80 year old man, which a lot of older people do not have as much patience as a younger person.

I am sure that your father is doing his best, and probably think he is helping you out by being tough on you. Do you have a job?
Do you volunteer? Do you always stay at home.

Sometimes medications are needed for different conditions. That is up to you and your doctors to figure out if you need any or not.

I truly feel that your father is doing his best to take care of you and it might seem abrasive but you already know your father is like that.

You were made fun of in school and is a very sensitive person but you need to learn not to carry the past around with you everywhere you go.

Please get some counseling. This will help you go through all your emotions and learn how to take steps of moving on from the past. Instead of always looking backwards, start to look to your future.

Hope this helps in someway, but you also need to try to walk a mile in your fathers shoes, and you also need to try to understand why your father might be this way with you.

Take care,

Joe

I think an 80 year old dad to a 22 year old woman is a bit much. He has lost touch with reality. Not helping her at all. Maybe not his fault; if he is a vet then he has been through a lot plus probably with attention deficit disorder not diagnosed properly when he was in his 20s. I am in my 60s and know(in the40s and 50s) for sure when I was in grade school, children like that were treated as idiots. As a matter of fact, children with any disabilities were put in the corner. It was deemed acceptable because they 'were acting up and disturbing the classroom'.

Tick

I know personally that I do better without any medication as they are mainly for focus/memory. The ones I did take which I've been through about every one brand milligram and combination only made me worse. I'm extremely susceptible to the side effects (weight gain, fatigue, mood swings, easy irritation, extreme nervousness, stomach upset, nausea, constipation, eye twitches, etc) for whatever reason and they outdo whatever good they were intended for.

I'm sure it's the medication doing this as well because whenever a symptom appeared I would reference the RX sheet to make sure it was listed. My problems I was born with are not extreme enough on their own to cause such conditions.

I'm taking Ginkgo Biloba for the focus/memory problems now and it helps significantly.

I'm not asking a huge sacrifice from my dad but he's just so cold and abrasive and he's sound minded enough to know how his attitude hurts me. I just wonder if he's given up on caring or not.

I'm not currently employed. I'm too insecure to be employed at the time being, but I do realize how important it is and I'm not going to let my problems stop me from it. Currently however I wouldn't be any good much at a work place given my stresses anyhow.

I get supplemental income from SSDI so I'm not sure but I think they have limitations on what I can do and how much I can spend under their services.

I'm also signing up for life skills counseling as recent as this week.

In my opinion, I think your dad is more than likely NOT to make any changes in his behavior, or in the way he treats anyone. If you read up on "systems theory" from a sociological standpoint, you will soon find that no one can change anyone else in a family system, the only one we can change is ourselves. When you make the decision to change yourself, it will probably be difficult, and it will probably send your family into a turmoil, because you are setting off the system- its kind of like throwing a monkey wrench into a set of gears. Once the gears stop, things get re-evaluated, and the system reverses, or finds a way to go around without the affected area. What I am trying to say with this is- you are the only way to change things, you have to be the one to make these things happen. Your family will survive without you being there, and you can make it without them. I have a family that sounds a lot like yours. I had to move, and put at least 25 miles between us, in order for them to realize I was done with their emotional abuse. I hope this helps you some. Best of luck in your decision.