Ask Me Help Desk - Can't tell if I am being cheated on.

Boy Friend trouble... Need help figuring it all out... Is he cheating?
OK I have posted before asking questions and I have to add more details. I am currently 28 years with a 9 year old little girl and my boy friend is 48. He has kids himself and he is still married but not living together. They have not filed any paper work to move along to divorce. He has told me that the love in his marriage had been dead for years and that is why he cheated on his wife of 23 years because he fell in love with another woman. She also said she would kill herelf if he left her. I broke it off with him 2 weeks ago because the way he treated me and that he always wanted to hang out with his friends. I have been intigrating him in with my daughter so that we can all be a family. But recently a girl came up to my door and said that she had been seeing my b/f for some time and that she had seen the text messages that we send to each other and handed me my business card that she said she found in his pants. She said she was done with him and all
his drama and she left before I could ask her any questions. I confronted him about it and he let me check his email, myspace, Facebook, phone records and his phone. He said he cares about me and wants to be with me and that he does not know who this girl is. He sent me pics of all his ex's he dated in the last year to see if it was one of them that came to see me and it wasn't any of them. Last month someone called his work trying to get me and him in trouble so this is twice now that someone is wanting him and I not to be together and it makes me want to be with him 10X more. My best friend has heard all the good and bad with him and she has worked with him and his friends before but never met him personally and she calls me a retard/stupid for believing this guy. She said you had a girl come to your door not freaking out but just informing you that she was seeing him too. I don't know what to think any more Im confused. I love him and I have been
cheated on before by my 1st husband. I am a successful attorney and so is he so I am not here for the money.

He may or may not be cheating. But my thoughts on this are, if he was willing to cheat on his wife, (regaurdless of if there was any love) why wouldn't he cheat on you.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

I am currently 28 years with a 9 year old little girl and my boy friend is 48.

Awesome.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

He has kids himself and he is still married but not living together. they have not filed any paper work to move along to divorce. He has told me that the love in his marriage had been dead for years and that is why he cheated on his wife of 23 years because he fell in love with another woman.

He's lying.

How do I know you ask?.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

She also said she would kill herelf if he left her.

The very next line contradicts what you just said. If there is no love in that marriage, at least from her point of view she wouldn't kill herself for him if he left. In fact, that explains why they are still married and he has his bachelor pad on the side.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

I broke it off with him 2 weeks ago because the way he treated me

You mean because you were his mistress?

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

and that he always wanted to hang out with his friends. I have been intigrating him in with my daughter so that we can all be a family.

I am nobody to question a parent as I don't have any kids... but why would you ever bring a married man into your home as a father figure and try to pass this off as a family setting. You are setting you daughter up to be someone's mistress someday because she's going to think this behavior is normal. There are guys that happen to be single who respect women and their children, why not introduce your daughter to a strong, loyal one like that so that some day when she dates she might try to find one that respects her?

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

But recently a girl came up to my door and said that she had been seeing my b/f for some time and that she had seen the text messages that we send to each other and handed me my business card that she said she found in his pants. She said she was done with him and all
his drama and she left before i could ask her any questions.

I can't think that one person reading this is surprised. You're a mistress, he's married, and now you've been cheated on. Why were we trusting him again?

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

I confronted him about it and he let me check his email, myspace, facebook, phone records and his phone.

So this married man, with a bachelor pad has multiple accounts.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

He said he cares about me and wants to be with me and that he does not know who this girl is.

I wonder if it's his wife.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

he sent me pics of all his ex's he dated in the last year to see if it was one of them that came to see me and it wasn't any of them.

He has pictures of ALL the ex's from the last year?

Isn't there a lot about that quote that strike you as beyond strange?

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

Last month someone called his work trying to get me and him in trouble so this is twice now that someone is wanting him and i not to be together

I wonder if *69 would have lead to his wife's number.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

and it makes me want to be with him 10X more.

Trully a woman's mind. You see competition and now the married man who was a challenge to begin with is the ulitmate conquest. I guess this swirl downward would be okay if it was just you, but I can't believe you'd subject you daughter to this behavior or drama.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

My best friend has heard all the good and bad with him and she has worked with him and his friends before but never met him personally and she calls me a retard/stupid for believing this guy.

Please do not insult the retarded or stupid. They could see through this.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

She said you had a girl come to your door not freaking out but just informing you that she was seeing him too. I don't know what to think any more Im confused.

I'm not. Nobody reading this is. You friend isn't. Retards aren't. Stupid peole get it.

What we all see is he's using you for sex.

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Originally Posted by rubberduck391

I love him and i have been
cheated on before by my 1st husband. I am a successful attorney and so is he so I am not here for the money.

What money? I don't mean this as an attorney joke, but I think this is part of your problem. You see things as money, here's what I'm going to do, this is what will happen, pay me. Everything follows a similar path as an attorney. But emotionally, you are all over the place. You just give them away and have no laws applied to your own emotional states.

The man is married. You don't care. The man says he will never leave his wife. You don't care. Other girls tell you he is cheating on you. You want him more. He openly admits to cheating on his wife with other girls. You don't care. He shows you pictures of women he's dated recently. You want him more.

Anyone of those things above would have scared off most people. For you, it just means you go in further. You have no control over your emotional states and you have no boundries so of course he's going to take advantage of you. You should be setting up personal boundries and dealing with your own emotional issues before taking on self destructive problems like this.

A friend thought her husband was cheating on her. She found a cheap way to find out if he would cheat on her or if he has.. she did it and found out what her marriage was all about. Lies and more lies. But at least she found out the truth and didn't waste any more time with a cheater!! Pretty much the old saying still holds true: once a cheater always a cheater!! **** email deleted****

Listen, he is married for crying out loud. Why are some successful females so clueless when it comes to being with someone?

Your with him because you want to have a family for daughter? Do you really think this guy is the right choice? If so, come again.

I am with your friend on this one. Leave this guy and go find a suitable mate. If not for you-- do it for your daughter. Also, be careful who you let into your daugther life.

You really need a reality check.

<edit> What was your username before since this isn't your first time posting on this site? You shouldn't use a different user name.

This has happened to me before.. trust when I say he is lying! There is no way he doesn't know who this girl that came to visit you is.. of course he does! Why would she do it otherwise stuff like this doesn't happen for no reason..

Guys will say anything to save their own a** when backed into a corner.. My ex swore on his little brothers life that he never cheated on me when it was true.. and he loves his little brother more then anything.

The ex wife could have put her up to this but then again he could have been with her. He let you see all his messages BUT he could very easily delete them immediately when done talking.

Watch for red flags.
Like keep track of his unaccounted times and if you run across this woman again or any other woman that contacts you ask for days and times. If they tell you days and times you KNOW he was with you or you KNOW where he was then the ex most likely put her/them up to this.

The obvious is smacking you in the face. 1. you are being played for a fool so is his wife and so is ALL the various mistresses that he has. WHY are you confused. I personally don't get it. What makes you think that YOU are the one that is going to change him.. and that YOU are the one he will fall madly in love with. This guy doesn't even have the kahoonies to divorce his wife of 23 years because there is no love. But he sure can have his fun with any woman with a pulse, including you.

I guess what I really don't get is.. you say that because all these woman want him it makes you want him more... I guess in theory that would make sense and work if you were having a meaningless fling, but you have admitted that you want this family image with this man, complete with your daughter in the picture. Not only is this destructive behavior for you but its going to effect your daughter negativly. Suppose you have this man involved with your daughters life... when you know he's a cheating jerk.. what are you teaching her. She's nine.. kids aren't stupid and they pick up on things pretty easily. This other woman came to your house... YOUR HOUSE! To me that's too close to home. And being a mom of two little girls one whom is TEN.. as soon as my man's micellaneous woman started showing up at my house, my instinct would be to end it. I would realize that I don't need or deserve this drama and so doesn't my daughter. There are plenty of men out there., good men, single men. Leave this guy alone and let him do his thing. Why are you wasting your time? He isn't worth it.

Call his wife and say : " Your husband is cheating on us." Slap yourself really hard and see if that helps. GOD bless you, may you find happiness with the RIGHT man. Go hug your daughter, that's where you'll find your heart.