Ask Me Help Desk - Legal grounds to change custody agreement

I am currently in middle of divorce. My soon to be ex is now living with his girlfriend(they tell everyone fiancee) who is pregnant with his child(assumedly) and her 2 monor children. My 15 year old son and 12 yearold daughter live there as well. I have shared custody of both my daughter lives with me 50% of the time my son refuses to spend time with me but is allowed by the father to stay every day there is no school with friends in the town where I live 40 min away from Dad. I keep trying with my son to no avail.
We have a custody agreement of true legal and physical custody of both children but Dad makes it very difficult financiallyand any other way for me to do this even with my daughter who does want to see me. I am afraid that both of my children are going to have even less supervision now that a new baby is coming. Dad refused to pick son up to get back to hose the day before a final because girlfriend had appointments to go to.Nither dad nor girlfriend have worked for almost 2 years.
My question is do I have any legal grounds to go back to have the custody changed it was only finalized in January but the new baby coming changes things

Quote:

Originally Posted by accounty

My question is do I have any legal grounds to go back to have the custody changed it was only finalized in January but the new baby coming changes things

Hello a:

No, the new baby doesn't change things enough to warrant a custody change. In fact, your complaints are minor. The courts would consider a change in custody if the welfare of the children were endangered... But, at 15, having to find his own way home because his father was busy, isn't neglect. It might even be considered GOOD parenting.

excon

First question do you have any children? The reason I ask is how is leaving a minor stranded good parenting?
Also Dad allows the son to go every weekend and day not in school to "hang " with friends never talking to parents that he is where he says he is. My son admitted in family therapy that dad lets him go and do whatever he wants every weekend. Friends and Family members have seen my son at late hours walking around town(late hours being 1-2 am ).My son who lived with me up until this school year was an b-a student now this year has to repeat due to not handing in any homework. Dads response was he is 15 it is not my responsibility to monitor if his homework is done.
How is that good parenting?

Quote:

Originally Posted by accounty

First question do you have any children? The reason I ask is how is leaving a minor stranded good parenting?
Also Dad allows the son to go every weekend and day not in school to "hang " with friends never talking to parents that he is where he says he is. My son admitted in family therapy that dad lets him go and do whatever he wants every weekend. Friends and Family members have seen my son at late hours walking around town(late hours being 1-2 am ).My son who lived with me up until this school year was an b-a student now this year has to repeat due to not handing in any homework. Dads reponse was he is 15 it is not my responsability to monitor if his homework is done.
How is that good parenting?

First off if your seeking help its never a good idea to attatck respected members ( like excon ) that participate in this board. If you have issues with your ex then I suggest that's where you focus your anger and efforts.

To answer your question. In many court systems there is about a 2 year rule limit for changes in custody. They don't like changing the custody on a whim that's why most look very dimmly on anything requested before 2 years. Now if your child is in danger then that's different. If your " friends & family " have sen him out at the wee hours of the morning then why didn't they call the police ? Most towns, cities, etc have a curfew for minors. And unless its by consent or with adult supervision they can be picked up. You can build a case from there as you would have official documentation. Also keep the school records handy. Its not unusual for children to have growing / adjustment pains when they are being thrust into a divorce situation. What is your lawyer saying about this ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by accounty

First question do you have any children? The reason I ask is how is leaving a minor stranded good parenting?

Hello again, a:

The devil is in the details. I don't know if his father is a good parent or not. I also don't know that leaving your son stranded is good parenting or not.

If "stranded" means that he has NO way of getting home, and that he's been left in a dangerous situation, then I would call that neglect. However, if "stranded" meant that he had to take a bus, or walk a couple miles, then I would call that good parenting...

But, dad is right. I ain't interested in helping you anymore. You sound like a nut anyway. I'll bet your son knows you pretty well, and THAT'S why he doesn't want to see you.

excon

While I do think excon is being a bit harsh, you left yourself open here.

He does have a valiud point about the details mattering.

So the bottom line becomes what you want to do about it. It may, very well, be too soon to apply for a change. As I recall you are in NYS (something you might want to indicate in your profile). So you need to check state laws.

But I f you are really concerned about your kids, then call Children's services.

If you are that concerned with your children't well being then by all means call children's services and have them check into the situation. Having their testimoney will help you (if they find neglect or some other wrong doing) in court to prove that you would be the better parent. It is also true that most places have a curfew for minors (unless with a parent/guardian) so if your son is spotted out later than that the police can be contacted and he can be picked up and brought home. The police can then inform the father of the curfew laws. As for the homework, I know I didn't have to be told what the consequences were for not doing my school work in High School. Granted I'm not every kid but at what point is the child supposed to start taking responsibility for themselves? I'm not saying he should be completely on his own but it is generally easier to transition into adulthood than just be thrown into it.