Well I'm really venting here and I know it I have some anger issues that are definitely being directed towards my friend.

I've been friends with "Kim" for a long time. She's a pretty good friend, she was there the times I cried on the phone when my marriage broke and there when I had my daughter. She's a decent friend.

Well, lately I've been feeling like she's rubbing her "greatness" on me. Actually it's been a few years that she started doing so.

When I told her I wanted to lose my baby weight she immediately started her regime and well since she had no baby she's down to 110 or so and said "I lost so much weight, how are you doing". Didn't really bother me, but she kept going on about it.

She also has the "perfect" boyfriend. They're always happy, he's done a few things that I know about and well they've worked through it. He proposed to her on Xmas and her ring is not ugly, it's actually really nice. Congrats to them. I was happy. Until she started telling me how "magical" the proposal was and kept rubbing it in my face that I was never proposed to.

"Kim" is also telling me about what she has, her new laptop, her new iPhone, her new job, she's also recently traveled to the FL Keys and is going to Europe in July with her boyfriend.

I really can't help but think that she's rubbing it all in my face. I'm happy for her but at the same time I'm really annoyed. Maybe it's because my life is pretty crappy right now that I'm a tad bit jealous, or maybe she really is being "mean".

Well that was my vent.

Sarah

Maybe she is "rubbing it in your face," but odds are that she is not.

Have you considered that she's excited about certain things happening in her life... and she's sharing it with someone she cares about. A friend.

You.

The question I have for you... and you don't need to answer it... is this:

How good of a friend do you want to be?

If you want to be a good friend, trying to celebrate the joys in the life of someone you care about is the right thing to do. With all that is happening in your friend's life right now, it's likely she's blinded by those events and unable to see that the way she's communicating them may be hurting your feelings or making you feel left out.

How many romantic drama plots end up with "Kim" doing a 14 and a half gainer off the Golden Gate because her "perfect" life was a sham?

Another way to put it, from Robert Heinlein;

"I once knew a lizard that claimed he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. If that's what he needs to make him happy, let him have it."

Hmmmm, Swing #3

The Desiderata

I realize that sometimes when people try to rub things in your face there is something else going on.

I have a friend that I believe is trying to compete against me. It is like whatever I do she does but somehere tries to make it seems like she does it better. I try to pay her no mind and only am happy for all her achievements and I voice that to her.

Right now you might be feeling the way you do because your going through a rough patch and it might seem like she is rubbing it in.

Whenever she starts doing that just cut the conversation short. Continue being happy for her and don't let it get to you.

Oh no no. I'm genuinely happy for her. I don't know how to put it in writing to tell you the truth. For example when she when to the FL keys she would say: "Oh it's great over here too bad you couldn't come because you have a kid and all.. ".

It's not what's happening that bothers me it's those little comments that sting.

Maybe it is because of where I am right now that I'm a little sensitive...

Sarah

Sounds like #2 is appropriate, after all.

I once had a friend like that - in fact I'm still that person's friend. "Marietta" was married to someone nice and professional, had an excellent career, and was always telling me how great her life was.

This was during a time when I myself was going through a divorce when my husband humiliated me by leaving me for another woman from his job whom he only knew for one month. I was in shambles while having to hear Marietta talk about how great her life was. I never said anything about it though.

Well it turns out that years later, after my divorce was complete, I hear that Marietta's marriage fell apart, and she herself went through a divorce. It was devastating for her to say the least.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that circumstances change - one day we can have it all, and the next we can lose it. I had it all at one time and I no longer am in that situation. Neither does Marietta. But we both have each other's friendships - and I'm glad to say that we each supported each other during both our good and bad times, even though we didn't have them at exactly the same time.

Have you told her that those little barbs are hitting home and stinging?

Yes I have told her. She said "Oh really.. it's too bad you feel that way".

So it really makes me think.

Sarah

Sounds like you need a new best friend. I would think that my best friend would be more considerate about my feelings, especially if I had to go so far as to confront them about it.

You would think that your best friend is the person who understands you the best.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

Yes I have told her. She said "Oh really.. it's too bad you feel that way".

So it really makes me think.

Sarah

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Suggestion: voicemail

Hey Sara
Don't think anything bad for her... it is a right for everyone to spend his,her life in his,her own manner.. as you have said that she was a good partner of you.. now she is not paying as much attention as she was used to pay before...
These all imaginations you are thinking are disturbing you.. so it is batter that you clear your heart and mind and pray for her for a happy life..
And there is a general rule that if u keep good wishes for others... good will happen to you..
Ignore these small issues because good friends are hard to find and they are much important than thse issues.. stay cool

I think many friendships go through this. Your lives take different turns and sometimes you grow apart, just for a bit.

First of all, she is not a parent. She couldn't possibly relate to how it feels to hear a comment like she made when in Florida.

You may be perceiving her life as "perfect" because you're not feeling so great about yours right now.

Remember, comparing your life to someone else's never does any good.

Next time she says something that rubs you the wrong way (whether it's you overreacting or her being mean or just plain ignorant) just say something right away. Like, "Do you have any idea what a b***c you sound like?" Say it with a sense of humor, sarcasm, whatever makes you feel better. She's your friend and should be able to understand your feelings.

It's true what someone else said here, too. One day someone has it all, the next it's gone. Your day will come, too, and she may not be having a "perfect" life at the time.

True friends wouldn't say" Too bad you can't be here because you have kids", or go on when she knew you didn't have a romantic proposal. Or flaunt weight loss when you're still struggling. Or say I'm sorry you feel that way but... tough luck basically. I would find a new friend to count on being there when you need support. Good luck.

Talaniman Rule- When you can't see the good, YOU must be doing bad!

Thanks for all your feedback guys.

I appreciate it.

I'd also like to note that yea my life is not where I want it to be, I'm not depressed about it, I'm actually working on improving it- it's not like I mope. I know I can go to "Kim", but it's a rare occasion that I do go to her with my problems- if anything AMHD is where I've opened up more in my entire life.

I really don't want to give the wrong impression by this post and have people think that I want my friend to get hit by a bus. I'm happy she's happy. I'm just a tad jealous of all these great things happening to her.

I'll have my turn someday, I guess.

This is not a pity party.

Sarah

I have friends just like this. Also I have this one friend that competes nonstop. What bothers me about it, is I let it bother me. It brings me down because I let it. But I feel this way because when or if its my turn with good news they don't have time to listen. But I do agree with the others. Her turn will come and the perfect won't always be. We all hit rough spots.

Sara, I had a 'friend' like that too.

She was not a hotdog and beer kind of gal. Rather she married for money (making no bones about it), had three kids with three different fathers, and finally settled on a man who could provide her all the material things she wanted.

I think that's what this is all about, feeling superior to another person, and not understanding, even when told, that this superior attitude is wearing.

She never failed to stop by my house on her way from, or to, another 'event' or holiday. She spent more decorating her basement, than I paid for my entire house, and she put a dollar value to everything.

It was sad because her husband was a really nice, fun guy who could have cared less if it was steak or hotdogs on the barbque.

The last straw was her stopping by yet again, with her new car in the driveway, staying long enough to show me all the pictures of her 'fabulous' vacation.

I realized then that things had changed so much since we were kids, that there was only an obligation here, not a friendship. She had changed, I had changed, and we really had nothing whatsoever in common.

So, I cooled my jets with her, and save for the odd post card and Christmas newsletter telling me (still) how well she is doing, the friendship was over a long time ago.

I guess my message is, don't feel obligated to someone because you share a history. That part of your past with her was wonderful, but if she is changing or has changed into a person you don't have too much in common with, maybe time to step back a bit.

Stop this nonsense. She's just a great friend who wants to be by your side no matter what. One who wants to share evrything with. ELse she wudn't even care if stg happened to you.

I have a friend myself who acts exactly like that. She's plain amazing, I was thinking that perhaps she keep rubbing everything on my face, but then we had a quarrel that sealed our friendship forever now.