I'm in a really messed up marriage, we argue like cats & dogs. He drinks & smokes weed. I have two children from a 1st marriage and after 2 in-vitro fertilizations & a tubal reversal I gave my husband now his 1st child. We had problems but I thought things were getting better... now they are worst again. He's extremely verbally abusive, degrates me all the time and destroys with his words. We have gotten into physical alterations but I can't call it physical abuse since I've hit him back in defense. I can't stay in this relationship!! It's taking a mental toll on me & my children are witnessing everything. I love him and don't want a divorce but need out before something severe happens. I have no support or family here & I'm currently a homemaker with nothing to my name but bills & no income. He's in control of everything and is threatening me if I leave to be with my family. He says that's abduction of our child and will take her away from me. I don't want to take her away from him & I'm willing to share her whenever he'd like but there's no getting through to him. I'm terrified. How can I leave with my babies & still keep things legal.

You need to contact your local domestic violence abuse shelter.

Making this choice means that you know for the well fair of yourself and your children that you will need a divorce.

Do you know if I need to go to some sort of court to get rights before he tries something?

You are their mother, you already have all the right you need to take them from a dangerous situation.

I'm not sure where you are. Tell me where you are and I can get you the right info.

Or you can go to Google, and type in 'womans domestic violence shelter in <state>' and that will help you find the help you need

You can also go to the Emergency room and explain your situation and they can help you find the right place. And the police station can help as well.

Good luck hon. And I'm praying for you

I agree with the above poster, also to add verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and to me are grounds to reevaluate your marriage, and you need to leave this situation immediately, I would suggest you do contact a domestic violence associations so that they can assist you in leaving this situation before it does more damage to your family. Don't feel bad for leaving because you are not doing anything wrong you are protecting your children from a situation in which can turn into a psychological disaster for them to witness violence. You can't help him, you can help yourself and those babies, he needs help, he is using drugs and drinking alcohol, what example is he setting, and you shouldn't feel bad you are doing the right thing. No abuse is healthy.

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Originally Posted by midlinda

Do you know if I need to go to some sort of court to get rights before he tries something?

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A domestic violence shelter works on these issues all of the time. They will help you document everything needed so that you can protect both you and the children.

They often offer free services to assist with the legal side of protecting yourself.

Please contact your local shelter, asap. They will help you work out a plan, to get you out of this situation.

What everyone else said... plus... even if you are fighting back it doesn't make it not abuse. Next time he puts a hand on you, call the police.

A few years ago I got into a fight with my alcoholic abusive ex. She hit me, threw things at me and after the 4th time she hit me in the face in a fit of rage, I slapped her. Once.

After I got out of the hospital with 6 stitches, they took me to jail and I was prosecuted for Domestic Abuse.

For defending myself. I also was not allowed to press charges for assault against her.

You need to go to a domestic violence shelter.

Once you get in there they will help you get a restraining order and they will help you with the custody issue. They will also help you to where you can get on your feet. At least the domestic violence shelter that I went to did.

Please get out and don't stay there for too long. He can't do anything to you for taking the children out of a violent situation.

I would go to the police station or hospital like jenniepepsi suggested. It is good that you realize that you need to get out. Most women don't get out until it is too late.

I had to go to a domstic violence shelter when I was 19 years old with my 2 month old daughter. I had gone out to CA with my daugher's father from TX and I didn't know anyone in CA and I didn't have any money or anything when I left him. It is possible for you to get out.

Let me know if you need me to help you find a shelter or anything. What county and state do you live in?

Back to part of your question that you had asked via a statement being made.
( quote ) He's in control of everything and is threatening me if I leave to be with my family. He says that's abduction of our child and will take her away from me ( end quote )

To answer this point in question its going to depend on just how you do things when you leave. If you were to sneak off and not tell him the whereabouts of the children then you may become guilty of parental abduction. That being said there are ways to protect yourself. If the bottom line issue is domestic violence then you can get a restraining order of no contact until such a time as a hearing. You will need to file right away as soon as you leave. If your thinking of fleeing the state then you may be asked to return or return the children depending on how you go about filing things. So be very careful because your at a crossroads and you will need competent legal help to get you through this and to do it right.

To add to what Califdad said, it brongs you back to a Domestic violence shelter. They can provide shelter and legal support so you don't get into legal trouble.

Honestly, what everyone keeps saying is true. The best thing you can do at this point is get to a domestic violence shelter. Are they the Ritz? No, but they are safe and will help you in every way you need help at this point. Please go to one asap.