2 weeks ago I broke up with my 1 year boyfriend...
We had a long distance relationship.. We met online through a friend, 1 month later he came all the way to my country to meet me.. . So we began our relationship... It was so good we didn't break it off when he went away... The next month I went and visited him too.. I spent 2 weeks in his house and met all of his friends and family members.. It was all amazing, we had the time of our lives..
When I returned to my country we kept in contact and didn't end things.. and he promised he was going to come back for me... And 8 months later he did... He came for just 2 weeks.. worked very hard during the summer to get the money to come and he even sold things on eBay to pay his hotel stay..
It really made me happy that he would do all those things for me.. And I was so in love... But he acted so strange during the time he was here... So cold.. sometimes he would be sweet and sometimes he wouldn't... His behavior really confused me.
Sometimes I thought he loved me for all the things he did and sometimes I thought he didn't.. When I confronted him he said that's just the way he is.. But I know its NOT cause it wasn't like that all the other times..
We also had this talk about ending things cause its too hard to be away from each other and there's too much suffering involved.. So he suggested to be just friends.. even though he didn't want to... But we kept going and agreed that I was going to go see him in December..
And even though I was still mad and confused because of the way he acted I really wanted to go see him.. When I confirmed him I was going he said he didn't know if it was a good idea, cause he couldn't take more time off work.. etc etc.. So he kind of told me not to go in a polite way.. So I broke up with him immediately.. And he didn't say a thing.. He only asked me if we could still be friends and keep talking..
We did talk 2 times and after that NOTHING

Now 2 weeks after the break up he posted a picture of the two of us as his Myspace's default. He also put it as his msn messenger display.. So this really confused me.. I was sooo moving on.. And this really got me thinking.. WHY WOULD SOMEONE POST A PICTURE OF THEIR EX ON A PUBLIC PLACE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT! I talked to him and he sent me songs saying " i miss youuuu" and asked me for a picture of us a friend of mine took... And at the same time he acted so indiferent during the conversation..
TELL ME WHYYY! What does this behavior meannnn?
Does he miss me? IS he nostalgic and thinking about our time together.. Does he want me back but is too proud to say it?
HELP ME PLEASE:(

Hi and welcome.
I think the reason he was cold to you was because he had another women back where he was from and it was playing on his mind. Not sure but just a gut instinct I got from reading your post.

And now he is home I think he misses you and wants you. You broke up with him and it is hurting him.

He wants what he can't have.

Plus we see it here all the time. Lond distance relationships very rarely work. They can, I know Krs ;) but not very often and it is very hard on both people.

He may miss you. He may wish he was with you. But I really don't think that this relationship can work.

I think the best thing for you to do is if you really want to move on then do so. Stop looking at his myspace, don't contact him. Go out and enjoy your life.

Do you want him back. Why do you care if you broke up with him?

Hey! Thank you so much for your answer.. I think you give good advice.. I know that long distance relationships don't usually work.. especially when you're 18 years old and can't really do anything.. I never planned on having a long distance relationship, I didn't want it either, but it was so wonderful between us.. And Ive never felt like this for anybody.. nor had he..
And about the other girl back home, I don't want to sound naïve, but I don't think so..
I have information sources, very reliable ones and trust me I haven't seen signals of other girls around..
Plus.. don't you think if he had someone back there, he wouldn't have worked so hard all those months and sell all those things just to come see me, 4000 km away? Doesn't sound all that logical to me...
Either way.. Thanks...
Anyone else? Cause I need all the points of view I can get... I do want him back.. He's my first love and I broke up with him cause I thought I HAD TO not cause I don't love him anymore.. That's the hardest part...

No worries. Only here to try and help and I'm glad my answer helped in someway.

If your confident that there was no one else then I will go with you and trust your judgement. I suppose it doesn't make sense for him to work really hard to come see you if he had someone else.

Maybe you have to sit down and explain to him that you love him and why you broke up with him.
I gather you speak on the phone to him? You have to tell him all your concerns and problems.

It is just so hard to have a LDR. See if you were in the same area now I could suggest to you to go aorund and see him. Explain why you broke up with him and what needs ot be changed. Because it certainly seems as though he does miss you and wants you back. I wouldn't doubt this if you were the one who broke up with him.

But what changes if you ring him and tell him you love him? Nothing really. He is there and you are here. You are still thousands of kilometres apart.

It is so hard to suggest you try and get back together with him as it is so hard to see this working.

It will porbably just be a continual cycle of pain and fights.

I have lots of personal experience on this matter of long distance relationship, and as Skell said in my instance it worked, but its true its rare, very rare. I was 19, almost your age, when I meet him. He lived in England, I didn't. That year was the hardest year of my life.

I personally don't think he had another women for the same reason you gave.

Why don't you talk to him, call him. Long distance relationship are based on trust and communication.
I would really really talk to him. Express your feelings, it may work.

My advice would be to be truthful and make sure all your feelings are mutual.

Then if all goes according to plan, how about planning that either one of you moves near the other?

That's what we did after a year and abit of having a long distance relationship. Now are married :D and been togther for 7 yrs.

Wow.. That's really inspirational Krs :) Hehe.. Yeah I have thought about talking to him and telling him I miss him, but as Skell says Im afraid it may change nothing.. We're still away and the real reason why this ended is still there.. I just find it unfair that I can't tell him how I really feel because "Im not supossed to":. And that we can't say we love each other cause " we are not supossed to"... Understand? Its stupid!
Plus.. Im afraid he might not want to get back together.. For the same reason.. And I don't want to be rejected.. I don't want to be the one who broke it off and then crawls back just to get some rejection... And I also ask myself.. Are those signs I explained before ( The picture, the songs) really signs, or am I making things up?
Ughh Its all so hard! :(

Don't let the fear of rejection hold you back... Chances are you will be rejected many times in your adult life. It maye be another man, it may be work, it could be friend. The way you react to that rejection though is the true indication of the person you are.
Don't let it get to you.
Be honest to yourself and if you truly want to give it a shot than as I said it shouldn't be fear of rejection that holds you back.

Long Distance is hard. Especially hard at your age.

I agree wit hwhat Skell has said.

Don't be afraid of anything. You need those answers.

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Originally Posted by Symbelmine

When I confronted him he said thats just the way he is.. But i know its NOT cause it wasnt like that all the other times..

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Major red flag here. You don't KNOW for a fact that he is not like this. You have only spent time with him online and just a short time in person.

It takes many years to learn about a person. And online really does not count because he can be, say, or do anything he wants online.

He may really be like this, and if he is, do you want a relationship with someone like that? I really didn't think so.

Long distance relationships rarely work. I know, someone will tell me I am wrong and theirs did, however, in the grand scheme of things it is unlikely.

You are young. Try finding someone at least in your own city or state.

Long distance relationships are very difficult to sustain successfully. Right now it sounds like he may be wanting what he can't have. Use that to your advantage. Continue to be somewhat aloof and move on anyway. Talk to him occasionally but not too long or often. Let him continue to miss you. He may resume pursuing you or he may not. Don't revolve your life around him, just keep your options open.

Thank you all so much... I guess you're all right... I decided I might talk to him... The 20th, 1 month after I broke up with him... That day Ill be over the fence.. Deciding if Ill jump or not.. I think Im restless now cause its been 3 weeks since we broke up.. And Im thinking that if Im going to do something it has to be soon, before its too late and there's no turning back.. Ill see how he reacts... Ill check how much power I still have over him :P
Ill tell him I miss him.. If he doesn't answer Ill take that as my sign to move on.. If he does Ill tell him how I feel.. I think I don't want him back.. But I want him to know How I feel for him and that I won't forget him.. And maybe we can see each other again in the future... I kind of want to leave the door open...

You can't do that.
That's not fair on him.
You can't ring him and tell him you love him and miss him but don't want anything. Your being very selfish. You either want him or not.
If not, then don't call him again. Remove yourself from his life. Don't lead him on.

To me it sounds as if you don't really want him back. You just like to know that you have him where you want him. That's in your completel control.
Not good.

If you don't want him then don't contact him.

If you do then you have to give it your best shot. Anything less is just cruel, selfish and manipulative!

I didn't really look at it that way.. But its kind of true.. I would see it the same way if I were you.. But right were I am I can't really tell the difference from right and wrong.. And that's not good.. I should make up my mind, true.. And I will.. And by the time I have Ill decide if talking to him or not... Either way, right now its too hard not to think about him..
And believe me I truly do want HIM.. I just don't want the long distance part involved..
Haha.. Thank you Skell.. You really can put yourself in someone else's shoes.. That's a good quality.. Thanks for all your help here.. :) And for taking the time to post and answer my stupid divagations :(

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Originally Posted by Symbelmine

Wow.. Thats really inspirational Krs :) Hehe.. Yeah I have thought about talking to him and telling him I miss him, but as Skell says Im afraid it may change nothing.. We're still away and the real reason why this ended is still there.. I just find it unfair that I can't tell him how I really feel because "Im not supossed to":. and that we can't say we love each other cause " we are not supossed to"... Understand? Its stupid!
Plus.. Im afraid he might not want to get back together.. For the same reason.. And I dont want to be rejected.. I dont want to be the one who broke it off and then crawls back just to get some rejection... And I also ask myself.. Are those signs I explained before ( The picture, the songs) really signs, or am I making things up?
Ughh Its all so hard! :(

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You make valid points, but sometimes in life, when you feel its worthed you have to swallow your pride.
If you do tell him you miss him, you want him back, what would you lose if you do so? Have you thought about that... you just gain out of it, and if not, then at least you know you tried and won't spend a quantity of time wondering :rolleyes:
What you are doing right is assuming and my favorite saying goes like this :-
ASSUMING IS THE BROTHER OF ALL F**KS UPS..

So be wise.. think about it ;)

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Originally Posted by Symbelmine

Thank you all so much... I guess you're all right... I decided I might talk to him... The 20th, 1 month after I broke up with him... That day Ill be over the fence.. Deciding if Ill jump or not.. I think Im restless now cause its been 3 weeks since we broke up.. And Im thinking that if Im gonna do something it has to be soon, before its too late and there's no turning back.. Ill see how he reacts... Ill check how much power I still have over him :P
Ill tell him I miss him.. If he doesnt answer Ill take that as my sign to move on.. If he does Ill tell him how I feel.. I think I dont want him back.. But I want him to know How I feel for him and that I wont forget him.. And maybe we can see each other again in the future... I kind of want to leave the door open...

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Wouldn't it be better to end this and just move on? By leaving the door open you set yourself up for a big fall later. Move on and get your life together. Let him get his together.