Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Wants to slow down

I have been dating a girl for about two months and everything was going fantastic. She has two young children who I got along with great. She told me she was tired of looking and was ready for a serious relationship.

When we first started dating we worked at the same company in different departments. A week after we started seeing each other she lost her job, which was rough on her. I was there to support her and help her with finding a new job. Things continued to go good and we grew closer and often talked about a future together. She would often comment about how much she loved me, how good I was with the kids, etc.. All her friends told me how happy she was, and how impressed they were with how well I treated her.

Without much warning everything turned upside down. She told me that she thought she was ready for a relationship, but now wasn’t sure. We both felt that things did move too fast, and agreed to slow it down. We have kept in touch by phone for the last week and I am sensing even more doubt in her about our relationship. She has been very moody and depressed at times, and says it is because of not having a job and the stress of not having an income with two children. She said she needs to get her life together and does not have the time to give me in a relationship. I have asked her several times if she wants to try and make this work, but at a slower pace and she says yes, but yet I can’t even get her to agree to meet with me to discuss things in person. All our discussions since things turned bad have been over the phone. The last time I saw her was a week ago, when she spent the night with me. It was two days later things started going bad on the phone conversations.

I understand the difficulty of losing a job, as I have been through it in the past. I just don’t understand the quick turnabout in her feelings. It was only two days prior to the bad news she had told me how thankful she was that I was there to support her through this difficult time.

Interested in anyone’s thoughts on what I should do. Reading other posts, I am thinking that I should stop contact with her, and let her make the next move. Any suggestions are appreciated!

By George I believe you got it... "I am thinking that I should stop contact with her, and let her make the next move. .."

It is nothing more creepy then some one pressing for sex... take your time...

Trust me, I was not pressing for sex. I was in this for a long term meaningful relationship.

You are right. You went way too fast. All these actions of hers are clear indicators that it just went way too fast and now she is having second thoughts. We se it here all the time. People rushing and going so fast that after about 2 - 3 months when the newness and excitement wears off, one party backs off and needs space. We see it almost every week.

Ok, but all is not lost. You are right.. You need to cut contact for a while. If you have tired talking to her and it doesn't work then OK, you have tried. Now the BEST thing you can do is completely cut all contact with her. No phone, no email, no text, nothing whatsoever. Completely disappear as far as she is concerned.

In this time you need to learn what may have pushed her away, how you can slow it down IF you try again.

You need to keep yourself busy though as well. Learn about you, improvie yourself. At the moment this thing seems over.

Seems like another rexample of someone making their partner their life. NOT GOOD> you need to continue doing the things that you did before. Have other hobbies, hang with the boys, play your sports, do whatever. It sounds like you lived in one anothers hip pockets. This gets too much after a while.

As I said I think the best chance you have of rekindling somehting in her is cutting contact. Not just for a day or two. Weeks if need be.

She has asked for space. So give it to her. You may not think it but right now you need it to. You need to gather your thoughts and let emotions calm down.

PLease do this. Im pretty confident I won't be the only one with this advice for you.

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Interested in anyone's thoughts on what I should do. Reading other posts, I am thinking that I should stop contact with her, and let her make the next move. Any suggestions are appreciated

That is a great plan. I think you should reread and follow what Skell has posted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bj_1964

Ierested in anyone’s thoughts on what I should do. Reading other posts, I am thinking that I should stop contact with her, and let her make the next move. Any suggestions are appreciated!

Well I compliment you for reading other, similar situations. You are right stop talking to her and give her a chance to think about you.