I'm seventeen years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. We both obviously have strong feelings for one another. However, sometimes I find that he may get to protective over me. It's odd though, because I don't really filrt with my other guy friends, he only tends to get angered with me when I'm with my friends, or I spend too much time with them. He gets fustrated when I hangout with my friends over him. Although when he hangs out with his friends.. I don't act that way towards him, and he doesn't seem to have a problem hanging out with them over me. Here's the other issue.. when he's drunk he seems like a totally different person. To me, when he's sober he's a genuine affectionate person. However, when he gets drunk I must be at his side at all times, or he get's angry with me. Should I be worried?

It depends on what you mean by 'worried' hon.


In my opinion, yes this is abusive. Its called socially abusive. However, if this is what you want, no one can stop you. Its not dangerous to you or others YET


But keep in mind, for a person like this, it will NOT take long before he becomes physically abusive. One wrong word from you could send you into the hospital. One minute everything is fine, the next minute your fighting for your life.


I urge you to either leave him, or if you do not wish to leave him, convince him to seek counclling for his anger and controlling issues.

Yeah I would say you need to worry about him being a control freak.
Two of the first signs of a guy being a control freak are
They do what they want but tell you you can't do the same
They want to know where you are all the time and it has to be mostly by THEIR side or stuck in the house when they are out.

Third sign is they want you to account for what you did with every dollar you spent but won't tell you what they did with a large chunk of their pay. They get mad that you spent $20. On non essential stuff, yet they don't think anything about wanting you to give them $20. For what they want.

Seems to me like your boyfriend has a lack of dating experience (understandable at your age) and a lack of self confidence. Mix the two together, and it makes for a rocky relationship until he can fix his own issues.

Yes this is abusive. Being in a relationship with someone who is controlling of you that way isn't good in the first place. But if he gets drunk and is like that, well it just isn't a safe place to be.

That IS obusive if he has extreme jealousy. Soon he might be hitting you. Don't be around him when he's drunk.

Abusive? No, not really. Disfunctional? Yeah, I'd say so.

When guys are like this, there is no winning situation. They will always be this way until (or IF) they realize that they are only causing themselves pain.

He doesn't trust you. It's not you.. it's likely ANYONE.. or at least GIRLS. He is insecure and is afraid of what you may be doing behind his back when you are out.

He will not change based on ANYTHING that you do or don't do. His only hope is learning himself that this is self-destructive behavior.

What you have to decide is if you want to stick it out with him and be there as he tries to work through it or find someone that doesn't (or no longer) has this kind of character flaw.

Everything DrJ said plus I'll add this:

You said you're 17... how old is he? You said he's getting drunk. Sooooo, we've either got a teenager with a drinking problem or an older man pursuing a young, impressionable girl. Either way- it's headed for disaster.

You're young so don't feel like you have to stay with this guy and help him through this. Not to sound cold but you've already given him a more than a year of your life so it's OK to sever ties and walk away.

He's a few months older than me. He's eighteen. Thank you for all the input guys. Anything anyone says is helping me

I think being 17 should be "fun". You shouldn't be bogged down with a controlling boyfriend. If you choose to have a boyfriend, he should be someone that you actually enjoy and who brings out the best in you.

This situation seems dark and dismal. An 18 yr-old boyfriend that gets drunk is a bad thing. Is he still in school? It just concerns me.

How do your parents feel about him over all?

My parents love him.. they don't know this side of him. And I know I should be having fun, but I know I'm just a teenager but I feel like I actually love this person. I've thought about ending it several times, but I just can seem to look him in the eye and do it because I love him too much. I know its kind of corney, but it's entirely true. We're both going away to university and college next year... our school's are within twenty minutes of one another. I'm not sure its going to work.

He is insecure so he will be jealous. There is no right answer but I would be worried because drinking is more like a truth drug. Love doesn't conquer all.