An interesting article on CNN today, just wanted to see what you guys think about it

Is cheating ever deserved?

* Story Highlights
* Writer says that if Jon Gosselin cheated on his wife, she may deserve it
* Quotes blog that says Kate Gosselin humiliated, degraded, emasculated husband
* Writer: Cheating isn't right, but neither is emotional abuse and neglect

By Wendy Atterberry

(The Frisky) -- Much has been written in the media about men cheating on their wives. We have the tale of two Jo(h)ns: John Edwards, whose wife, Elizabeth Edwards, appeared on "Oprah" recently to promote her new book, "Resilence," in which she addresses her husband's much publicized affair, and Jon Gosselin, costar of the hit TLC reality show "Jon & Kate Plus 8," whose rumored affair has become tabloid fodder.

The former is a tale as old as journalism itself: a man in power cheats on a wife who, from the outside, seemed a supporting and loving spouse undeserving of her husband's unfaithfulness.

The latter is another familiar tale: a man under an enormous amount of pressure is regularly and publicly emasculated and treated like dirt by his wife and seemingly seeks solace with another woman. In both cases, the men are vilified -- but is it possible that maybe, just maybe, at least one of the women had it coming?

Over at Slate's lady blog, XX Factor, Susannah Breslin wrote a provocative piece about what she calls "bad wives," explaining that Jon Gosselin's wife Kate fits the bill to a T.

"Anyone who has spent any time watching [their] show knows its subplot is their marriage," she writes, "and the majority of that relationship seems to consist of Kate treating her husband like something that got stuck on the bottom of her shoe, the property of which she cannot quite identify, eliciting a nonstop look of thinly-veiled disgust and disappointment."

"In fact, it's hard to think of moments in which this housewife is not humiliating, degrading, and emasculating her husband. On camera, no less. In one episode, she actually chastised him for breathing too loudly. There she is in the supermarket ripping him a new one for being a lousy spouse. There she is at the pumpkin patch shouting at him for being a substandard father. There she is telling him to stop mumbling like a fool. There she is explaining to the camera that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks." The Frisky: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Geez, where was all the outrage when that was going on? Isn't that kind of behavior as damaging to a marriage as cheating is? If people vow when they marry to stay faithful to and respect one another, shouldn't the vows be of equal importance? Why isn't Kate's face on the cover of tabloids for breaking her vows? Her indiscretions happen regularly, in front of her children, and on camera. The Frisky: Cheating for the kids

The larger issue is one of equality. If we're going to point fingers at men behaving badly, we have to take a look at the women's behavior that may provoke it. Most issues -- especially those within a relationship -- are rarely ever black and white with a clear-cut victim and oppressor. People cheat for a variety of reasons, very few of which are strictly because they're horrible human beings. The Frisky: Nine signs he or she is a cheater

Cheating isn't right, but neither is emotional abuse and neglect. The bottom line is: If you push someone enough, it shouldn't be any surprise when you push him into the arms of someone else.

I'm 2 sided on this.

With the way she has treated him, I don't blame him.


HOWEVER. He should have been an adult, and broke off his marriage to her BEFORE finding outside entertainment.

Yes. The kids will suffer.

But are the not suffering MORE now? With all of this stress and hatred and deception focused on their lives at home, on AND off the camera?

I will be the first to say that sometimes people may deserve to get cheated on... but I think the real question is this: Is cheating ever right?

NO! There are avenues to getting out of a situation. No one deserves to be unhappy, and feel stuck in a dead end situation. It is human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain, so going against that is unnatural and will drive a person to insanity.

Bottom line, I don't believe it is our job to "give" someone what they may or may not deserve, I believe it is our job to do the right thing, no matter what.

There ares some situations where if one spouse is abusive(emotional or physical) it may be fair to say they had it coming.
However I believe that you should get out of an unhappy relationship before looking elsewhere.

Rome: This is a very good point and well written thought process. I think however, while it can be understood why someone would cheat it never solves a problem to retaliate or excuse poor behaviors. Two wrongs never make a right. I think that when someone is pushed into that corner or the position of feeling that they are being treated poorly it is time to throw out the yellow flag and call foul. Time to ask for change, time to seek the help to make that change and if resolution is not found then consider the options best for your situation and family.

While in the case of the Gosselins its very understandablee that John would want to seek the love and "reward" that he isn't getting from his wife somewhere else, it is in very poor taste for him to do so while on camera or being considered a public personality.

The children haven't asked for this and they are very much victim to circumstance and John has said it himself that he will have to answer to them one day when they are old enough or bold enough to confront him on what they have heard or read.

It's been my opinion for a long time that John Gosselin would most likely NEVER be able to leave his wife successfully. Can you imagine the criticism he would under go if he left? Where would they begin?

In my opinion, No.

If you're "driven to another person" because of the way you're being treated, don't cheat, break it off.

To me, it's that simple. If a person doesn't feel appreciated or loved and they feel the need to get it from someone else, then their relationship is over.

Nope, cheating is never excusable. If the problem cannot be worked out, it would be wise to seek help or move on.

I agree with the majority, I can see why cheating happens at times. But you should really just end it before you cheat, not worth it

Cheating ha.

This is why I am polyamorous


EDIT:
To answer your question Rome. No I don't believe that "cheating" is ever deserved. If you have a guy that beats on his mate and she makes love with another; would that be "deserved"? I don't it's "deserved"- I just think she's a dummy for even staying with the woman beater. As for Kate well we don't know the whole story. Sure she seems like the crazy wife "itch" from hell but we don't know John's true colors either- he may put one face for t.v. and another behind closed doors, same goes for Kate. Anyways-- who cares about them, I sure don't; not my family, not my problem, and I sure don't find it "amusing" to watch their marriage fall apart and their 8 kids get hurt by it.

So, my answer is no.

Sarah

Infidelity is a really hot issue.
In my observation, more married men are cheating than married women especially among successful men group. I dated doctors and lawyers before I married to my husband, and they were so immoral, took sex as easily granted, and it made me so disgusting. I lost respect on them. So all the girls, do not chase them! You do not know what you are wishing for. The cheating is so prevalent social phenomenon in our society, absolutely it is not acceptable no matter what they say. Who is saying that it is OK for men to cheat if they are not happy in the marriage?

Regarding to marriage:
In honeymoon period, everybody is happy, in love respect each other. However as time passes, the relationship started to show the bad color. Men and women both have to try hard to present their BEST in marriage. If they would stop trying to be nice, treat each other so bad, why did they bother to get married in the beginning? People go through so many steps to enter marriage (e.g. enough dating, long enough commitment, debating, finally wed to make the bod in religion so on), and it not easy task. If the marriage is so fragile, what was that for then? If a married couple does not want to work out their issues, easily give up and start to looking for exit by cheating, why did they bother to make the vow in front of whole world? Marriage have to be saved, and both men and women should treat their mates EXTREAMLY well, because they are the most important people in their lives. Nobody is winning in the divorce and broken family. Also divorcing takes so long, costy, and destroy both men and women socially spiritually. Marriage has to be saved in good shape all the time!

In my understanding, men has more sexual desires then women, and have a tendency to solve the issues with having sex with someone. All the married women have to take care of them in the best shape, and give their spouses ENOUGH attention, love and SEX to make the marriage work. Period. Men of course have to return it 100%, and appreciate & respect their wives.

I do not agree with the idea that cheating is bad but divorcing is OK. Neither is not acceptable. If they are married, they are bonded for their life time. They should work it out no matter what happens (except physical or emotional abuse). Couple in trouble needs counseling and patience.

Speaking as both a former cheater and a cheatee (is that a word? Oh well) I firmly believe that cheating on someone is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances.

For the record, I define cheating as going outside the agreed upon standards within the relationship. It could be a kiss or it could be intercourse, or anything in between.

If you are in a situation where there is an opportunity to cheat then you have probably already gone too far anyway. However, that does not excuse the action of cheating itself. Go home, break up with your man or lady, then later on go and do whatever it was you were going to do.

Just my opinion,

~ Tee