Ask Me Help Desk - Will I ever fall in love again

I recently got a divorce and I feel very low and insucure about everything. My emotions are like a roller coaster. Im emotionally and mentally hurt by everything that has happened. I think a lot to myself and wonder am I doomed for life will anyone ever fall in love with me or want to be with me ever again or will everyone just run the other way. I just feel like I am scum of the earth and am terrified of being alone for the rest of my life. Will I ever fall in love again?? Anyone who has gone through this or anyone who can give me advise I would really apreciate it.:(

It's natural to feel all the things you described after a breakup. Just how recent did everything happen?

Make a conscious effort to build yourself up. Take up new hobbies, spend time with friends doing things you enjoy, or volunteer.

It's OK to cry. It's OK to grieve. Talk with a professional; they can help you regain your bearings and get your life back on track.

But yes, you will be OK. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong with YOU, it just means that wasn't the right relationship for you. Focus on you first; then the right person will be drawn to you. But don't look to for new relationship as a means of replacing the old one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikosmom

It's natural to feel all the things you described after a breakup. Just how recent did everything happen?

Make a conscious effort to build yourself up. Take up new hobbies, spend time with friends doing things you enjoy, or volunteer.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to grieve. Talk with a professional; they can help you regain your bearings and get your life back on track.

But yes, you will be ok. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong with YOU, it just means that wasn't the right relationship for you. Focus on you first; then the right person will be drawn to you. But don't look to for new relationship as a means of replacing the old one.

The divorce is recent, the thing that's killing me the most is that he's saying he wants me back but ye thes talking to other girls saying Im divorced now how cool is that. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him because I can't take the hurt and to leave me alone for good, he textd me the next day asking him why I was treating him bad. It hurts so bad

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Originally Posted by LUCKYFROG0

the divorce is recent, the thing thats killing me the most is that hes saying he wants me back but ye thes talking to other girls saying Im divorced now how cool is that. I told him I didnt want anything to do with him because I can't take the hurt and to leave me alone for good, he textd me the next day asking him why I was treating him bad. It hurts so bad

He is saying he wants you back because he is keeping you on a string. He wants you thinking he will come home when all along he is bragging himself up as being single. Don't fall for it. Of course your feeling down and like you won't find love again. But its still fresh and the pain is still raw. Give it time. You may find yourself even happier in the end after you heal.

It's normal to feel the way you are feeling. Getting a divorce can be a very traumatizing experience. Allow yourself to recover from the divorce before worrying about falling in love again. One thing at the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LUCKYFROG0

the divorce is recent, the thing thats killing me the most is that hes saying he wants me back but ye thes talking to other girls saying Im divorced now how cool is that. I told him I didnt want anything to do with him because I can't take the hurt and to leave me alone for good, he textd me the next day asking him why I was treating him bad. It hurts so bad

Don't play along with his mind games. Block him out of your life so that you can recover properly. If you keep talking to him, you will only prolong the suffering.

It's actually very unfair and inconsiderate of him to do this. It's either over, or it's not.

It's time for you to make the decision that it is over (even if he can't) and stop having contact with him. Clearly his continued presence in your life is bad for your mental and emotional health.

I can tell you from my own experience, and that of my friends, that it can take a good eighteen months to recover from a marital break-up and to feel like you're a confident, attractive human being again.

As the others have said, you are grieving and in pain over the loss of the relationship and the hopes, dreams and desires that were part of it.

You WILL feel better again. Take one day at a time and tell yourself that you're healing. Do what you'd do if you were recovering from a major illness. Treat yourself gently, with kindness and compassion. Eat well and socialize with people that like you and support you.

One of the things that I found helped was to was to watch sad movies and cry myself silly. At home, on my own of course! It assisted to get the sadness out. What also helps, as a balancer, is to try and laugh. It does get easier.

One day you'll wake up and it will be a sunny day, the birds will be singing and you'll feel lighter without those intrusive thoughts. You'll know then that you've taken the first step towards recovery of yourself and yourself esteem. I wish you all the best.

The best thing you can do for yourself is as Gemini said, YOU decide its over. Only then can you begin to heal.

Too many do not allow themselves to either completely split, they get together again, and history repeats itself, or they fall into another relationship with a person who was similar to the last. There is a comfort level in both situations when you deal with familiarity.

It does take a minimum of a year to heal. You need to go through all the stages of any serious and significant loss the same way as the greiving process. As you work through all of it, you will realize why the decision you made was the best one, and you will be stronger the more you allow the natural progression of time to heal your wounds.

You can't force it, or ignore it, or decide that in a few weeks from now everything is okay. Such a huge emotional investment in another requires time.

I agree that you will come out the other end stronger, and your life will be that much brighter and happier. You will have dealt with the past, and be ready to move on without reservation.

Best of luck to you.