Ask Me Help Desk - My ex always tries to come back, and I'm lost.

I dated this girl for about 2 years, I recently graduated high school in may. We talked basically all through high school and dated from march in 2007 to January of this year (2009). We had lots of issues because she was awsome when we first started to date but then she changed as we grew older. Since may of 2008, it has been extremely hard and stressful. We were on and off until January, and I ended it in January because of the following... when I say she changed, I mean that the sweet girl that I fell in love with slowly started messing around and started to lie and eventually cheated on me multiple times leading to several breakups up until the final real breakup in January. She always says she will change and I fall for it, because the what if factor? Every time she has done the same and left me. I have done everything and anything for her, I would not take the bs when I knew what was going on. Her trying to change and come back a lot has really been since November of 2008. But my most recent occasion is the night of graduation, the boy she left me for basically in January, she broke up with and said she was going to change and I really thought she was because she was being super nice and everything. But a week and a half later she went out and the next day completely ignored me all day until she finally said "when i have the guts to tell you what happened, i will. But until then I want nothing to do with you." Leaving me speechless and heartbroken... again. Yesterday I changed my number and only gave it to my close friends, knowing I will start college soon and make new friends, but the purpose of this was so she can't contact me and I do not have to hear of what goes on from the people who thrive off drama. My issue is that I feel I should pursue her still in hopes that one day she will change, but I feel that it is inevitable that we are not meant to be, she also is talking to the boy she broke up with and left me for, but I did change my number in essence of starting a new clean slate with my life. What should I do, considering I love her deeply and I know she does to, she is also going to the same college as I and will try to talk to me again, this I am sure of.

First of all, she does not love you enough to not cheat on you.

Its hard to be with someone that has cheat on you. If you feels like its too hard to be with her and she is not the same person you fell in love with, than maybe its best to just ignore her and move on.

She isn't the person you fell for. She says she will changed, not is it very unlikely that she will because its so hard to change something that defines one as a person but even if she does it will cause more problems because she isn't herself.

Any hints to getting over her, and over the heartbreak?
Also, she said got pregnant from the other person, I found out today and that's why she left me again to go to him, but I don't no if that's the truth.
I know that it is over between us but why is it so hard..

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Originally Posted by starcity

any hints to getting over her, and over the heartbreak?
Also, she said got pregnant from the other person, i found out today and thats why she left me again to go to him, but i dont no if thats the truth.
I know that it is over between us but why is it so hard..

Avoid all contact with the ex. You ll start to heal slowly but don't expect a miraculous recovery. Embrace the pain instead of bottling it up. Talk to a close friend about it. Start hanging out with your friends when you are ready to go out again and meet people. Do what makes you happy and keep yourself busy by working towards your dreams.

The main issue though, is I had to change my number and all my friends kept reminding me of her so I never gave it to them, see I moved my senior year and was about 30 minutes away, but I have about 3 friends now, and 2 of them I'm not even close with. Im just kind of scared because I don't want to feel like this for a long time, and I most deffinately do not want to be alone.

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Originally Posted by starcity

the main issue though, is i had to change my number and all my friends kept reminding me of her so i never gave it to them, see i moved my senior year and was about 30 minutes away, but i have about 3 friends now, and 2 of them im not even close with. Im just kinda scared because i dont want to feel like this for a long time, and i most deffinately do not want to be alone.

First of all, you have a lot of guts to call it quits with your ex. The thing is that you are not thinking clearly right now. You haven't lost your friends, it's just too painful for you right now as they all are reminding you of her. This is the perfect time to go and do extracurricular activity. People have a higher chance of bonding if they are doing activities together. It is normal to feel pain, just go out and do some activities. You won't be alone and you will find someone else out there ( trust me I've been there ) either friends of girlfriends.

I really didn't though, she always tries to come back but always is quick to leave again, so I know that she does not truly love me like I do with her. And she left me again. And I just cannot get over her, honestly I have never felt this depressed ever in my life.

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Originally Posted by starcity

i really didnt though, she always trys to come back but always is quick to leave again, so i know that she does not truly love me like i do with her. And she left me again. And I just cannot get over her, honestly I have never felt this depressed ever in my life.

Well it's normal to feel depressed and really down but are you taking care of yourself? You must stop ALL contact with her, this is the only way you will feel better and you need to get out there and get moving. Just keep positive thoughts in your head and you'll be fine. You surely don't want to go back to her, you are only feeling desperation because you have a big void now.

Your right, but how can I? College doesn't start until August 24th for me and jobs are not hiring at all in my area... but everything I do reminds me of her. And I'm not in good condition over this, I can hardly eat, and I'm in real pain emotionally which is leading to physical pain from stress and depression...

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Originally Posted by starcity

Your right, but how can I? college doesnt start until august 24th for me and jobs are not hiring at all in my area.... but everything i do reminds me of her. And im not in good condition over this, i can hardly eat, and im in real pain emotionally which is leading to physical pain from stress and depression...

I don't know your personal situation but do you have family you can go to? It's understandable that you feel pain and that you are sleep deprived. When my ex broke off with me I wasn't able to sleep, I lost my appetite and I also had some small form of depression. It is also normal that everything reminds you of her. But here is the good part, since everything you usually did reminds you of her, you need to do new stuff. Get more active in finding a job, do tons of sports, take some new leisure, go on a walk, try to be more helpful toward other people and try to keep a smile on you, it will make wonders. Try to go see family or take a small vacation with a friend if you can. But the most important thing is NO CONTACT that means not checking her Facebook or my space profile or anything. Everyday that passes , you will get better. Remember, there are tons of guys who passed by the same place and who became stronger and are much happier.

Yeah, it makes complete sense. I guess its just time... see but talking with a person like you and the other person that wrote, really helps, you both are blessings honestly. I just wish I had people around me that I could talk to like this... it would help a lot.

Your right, its just so hard. I guess I just need to pass time, which is harder than this whole mess, haha. But talking with you and the other person has really helped, you both have truly been a blessing in a way I wish you could see. I just wish I had people like you around me, it would help my situation and help me be a better person.

Oops, sorry, I thought the post # 11 did not send, but it was on the 2nd page and I wrote another one.