Its been a while since I've even had sex, but this is something that always bothered me.

Even though I was married, our communication was awful... hence the "was married". Now I'm getting older and I'm still inexperienced. I tried, but I'd only be able to get my wife to orgasm maybe 1/10th of the time, which sounds bad unless you realize my first sexual relationship was 3 years long and she had 0...

I know I suck at it, but I'm just attracted to shy girls who won't tell me what they want/need.

My wife told me she didn't really care to finish all the time, and that I shouldn't worry about it. She said she enjoyed being close to me and enjoyed it anyway. Was she just saying this to make me feel better about myself or can that be true?

Reading these forums makes it sound like all the girls must get as much as the guys "or else"...

I think it is very important but that is just me.
Everyone is different.

A woman's orgasm is just as important as a man's. There's only one way to learn--practice. Each person is different, and when you decide to be intimate with someone else, you have to learn what they like and what works. Communication is key here.

I agree with ChihuahuaMomma. A woman's orgasm is just as important as a mans. Maybe you could get into some therapy, and a therapist can explain to you about things such as that.

Everyone is different. Its not important to me, but I do enjoy it on occasion. But I'm not going to go CRAZY if I go without it.

It really depends on the woman.

Some expect a big O every time. Some don't.

Just like some women are loud and let you know. Some don't.

All women are different; like different things.

The key is communication. Talk to your partner about her likes/dislikes.

Find out what drives her to the edge.

Mix up the stimulation.

Often for a woman the stimulation begins in the mind. Before you ever make it to the bedroom.

I think it's very important, but I also tell my husband what I want. I was with a guy for 7 months and never had one, of coures I was really shy then. I'm not shy about it anymore. A lot of times my husband will make sure that I have an orgasm before we even have sex and I usually have a second one when we do. Man am I glad I spoke up early on in the relationship. LOL

It's not "or else", that makes it sound like if you fail once it's over. But if your getting off all of the time and she isn't, I'm sure you would understand her misfortune.

To answer your question it's pretty important, granted I'm a guy, but I think sex is a tit-for-tat thing.

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

The key is communication. Talk to your partner about her likes/dislikes.

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I agree this is the only way to find out, but what if they don't know what drives them over the edge?

Personally, there are times as a woman that I know it's just not going to happen for me, I don't push for it and I still enjoy sex even if I don't get off. I have never considered my orgasm as important as a man's because men have to release, women really don't. Quickies are prime examples, quickies aren't about me, they are fun once in a while but I am not necessarily going to get off.

Orgasms for a woman, have a lot to do with knowing their own bodies and the emotional comfortable attachment. Your best tool in the bedroom is your mouth, because great sex is all about communication.

Sex is not a race, a competition. Masturbation can be quick. If the woman wants to finish, yet does not, you, the man have just used her for a masturbation tool. Then you're alone, bye.

Granted, that's just my opinion. If a man finishes too quickly for his partner, he needs to make sure she is satisfied first. Many women cannot climax with vaginal penetration only. Why? Massage your balls until you climax, leaving your penis just hanging there...

A woman's penis is her clitoris, not her vagina. Find out which is which. If you want her to finish, don't just "massage her balls."

Find somebody who's willing to play for a LONG time. Don't even take off your pants 'til she's had her third. You need to learn how to find out what she wants, verbally and non, then how to give it to her. It may be out of the box for you, but a casual affair with a woman used to letting her needs be known would probably help you out.

It's more important than you finishing.

You just have to find what works for her. I have found that more women than not prefer to be on top to "get theirs". It gives them the control they need to finish.

That's not the case for everyone... as I have also witnessed women attempt this position with the grace of a donkey.

How important is it? Depends on the woman.

Will I cry myself to sleep sucking my thumb if I don't get off? No. I don't need a man to get there, so I'll get er done. ;)

If you can't ask and she won't tell, then you're driving blind. Every woman is different, no two women reach orgasm in exactly the same way. So ask.

It's a question that only the woman you're with can answer, because as everybody has already said - we're all different.

And to make it even more confusing - how we feel about orgasm might differ depending on our levels of stress, tiredness, emotions, responsibilities, current partner and degree of horniness.

Sex can be complex and confusing but the best way to not make it so is to learn to talk to your partner about it. Not easy, but worth it.

Everyone says communication is key and to talk but no one tells you what to say! Here's my suggestion on what to say. Ask her how she likes to be kissed -- on the mouth you sickos ;) Start there and get comfortable with taking direction and move your way down each time. Make it lighthearted and joke and laugh. Kissing is the BEST foreplay for shy guys and gals. So make it count and practice! Remember, some women take A LONG time, so be prepared to devote some time to making sure she gets it first. Again, with anything ask questions. Tell her you LOVE it when she tells you what to do. This will encourage her to open up and give direction. If she mentally feels in control and confident she will let herself relax and enjoy the moment. Like the comment on don't just rub her balls, rub her penis take it to heart and rub her brain too!

I think that a woman having an orgasm is just as important as the man. Try to give her that orgasm before intercourse if it can not be reached during. A man can do one thing to his and can orgasm a woman had different ways of reaching her orgasm. Communication is key in the bedroom.