Hey Everyone! I'm not quite sure how to phrase this question but I'll give it a shot... almost two weeks ago, my boyfriend of a year and I decided to stop seeing each other. He is suffering from a deep depression, brought on from family history, his past and current struggles financially and with his career.

For the past year we've spent practically every day together! I've witnessed his highs and lows throughout our relationship and I've tried to be that caring and loving support, the best that I know how. But recently I've finally accepted, and realized that its bigger than me and I can only do so much to help him rise from the spiral he's fallen into. Through a very emotional talk and conversation, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know who he is anymore, he can't be that partner I deserve right now, because he barely knows how to be there for himself. He decided he needs to get back into therapy, a couple times a week, and really dive into this issue and the demons he's dealing with. He needs to do this on his own.

At first I was SO emotional, begging him not to do this, but with a lot of thinking and talking it through... I've realized it will be the best thing for him. I love him with my whole heart, and I've promised to be there with him every step of the way and support him no matter what! I told him, I understand and respect his decision... if I can't be there as his partner, I still want to be there as his best friend. He accepted my offer and gave me a HUGE hug and kiss thanking me.

Every couple days since the breakup, we've been meeting up for coffee, a quick bite to each, or to see a movie. Our conversation and jokes haven't skipped a beat and we still laugh so much together. He said that he's started to see his therapist again and he's really trying to take every day and every action he makes a positive one. We kiss when we greet each other, and when we say goodbye... but we've been very good about not letting the physical or sexual side of us go any further. It's been hard, but I'm trying to be there for him right now, as a friend. I'm continuously trying to give him that love and support, without the added pressure of a relationship. I love this man with ALL of my heart and he makes me so happy! My family loves him and I picture my future with him 100%. I guess my biggest question... which I feel so horrible and selfish about asking, is... am I crazy to hope and pray for a future relationship with this man? Am I crazy to wait around for him? I know he needs this time to figure out who he is, and it won't be a quick fix, or happen overnight... but I can't see myself just walking away.

Does anyone have any advice or a similar experience they've been through? I would love to hear your stories.

Thanks!

Depending on his personal issues, it can take months or years to come though. And some never do completely.

You're definitely not crazy for wanting to wait for him! To me, that just shows him how much you really love him. And with depression, it helps so much to have someone there who is supporting you. As far as time, there is no way to know when he will completely be himself again. But he will let you know. Just always be available for him and let him know that care.

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Originally Posted by AmandaLynn1288

You're definitely not crazy for wanting to wait for him! To me, that just shows him how much you really love him. And with depression, it helps so much to have someone there who is supporting you. As far as time, there is no way to know when he will completely be himself again. But he will let you know. Just always be available for him and let him know that care.

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Thanks Amanda! Your words really mean a lot. It's been hard but I'm really just trying to take everyday as it comes. I'm trying to give him positive, loving support, but also giving him space to do what he needs to do. I've been calling every other day, or every two days to "catch up". He's always anxious to meet up when I invite him to lunch, a movie etc. and we have such a great time together. Most of the time, we talk around the "subject" of him being depressed, our breakup etc. But when we do talk about it... I feel like he's REALLY listening and hanging on to all the words of encouragment that I have to give. We are very close, and I feel he can really open up to me, without judgement. I'm not really sure how many people in his life truly know what he's going through and the steps he's trying to take with therapy etc. I can't say I KNOW what he's going through either but I continue to tell him how much I care about him, and how much I love him. It breaks my heart to not see him happy... I believe in him so much, and know he can pull out of this. Hopefully someday soon, he'll at least start to feel a little better about himself and his life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RCgirl

Hey Everyone! I'm not quite sure how to phrase this question but I'll give it a shot... almost two weeks ago, my boyfriend of a year and I decided to stop seeing each other. He is suffering from a deep depression, brought on from family history, his past and current struggles financially and with his career.

For the past year we've spent practically every day together!! I've witnessed his highs and lows throughout our relationship and I've tried to be that caring and loving support, the best that I know how. But recently I've finally accepted, and realized that its bigger than me and I can only do so much to help him rise from the spiral he's fallen into. Through a very emotional talk and conversation, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know who he is anymore, he can't be that partner I deserve right now, because he barely knows how to be there for himself. He decided he needs to get back into therapy, a couple times a week, and really dive into this issue and the demons he's dealing with. He needs to do this on his own.

At first I was SO emotional, begging him not to do this, but with a lot of thinking and talking it through...I've realized it will be the best thing for him. I love him with my whole heart, and I've promised to be there with him every step of the way and support him no matter what! I told him, I understand and respect his decision....if I can't be there as his partner, I still want to be there as his best friend. He accepted my offer and gave me a HUGE hug and kiss thanking me.

Every couple days since the breakup, we've been meeting up for coffee, a quick bite to each, or to see a movie. Our conversation and jokes haven't skipped a beat and we still laugh so much together. He said that he's started to see his therapist again and he's really trying to take every day and every action he makes a positive one. We kiss when we greet each other, and when we say goodbye....but we've been very good about not letting the physical or sexual side of us go any further. It's been hard, but I'm trying to be there for him right now, as a friend. I'm continously trying to give him that love and support, without the added pressure of a relationship. I love this man with ALL of my heart and he makes me so happy!! My family loves him and I picture my future with him 100%. I guess my biggest question....which I feel so horrible and selfish about asking, is....am I crazy to hope and pray for a future relationship with this man?? Am I crazy to wait around for him?? I know he needs this time to figure out who he is, and it won't be a quick fix, or happen overnight....but I can't see myself just walking away.

Does anyone have any advice or a similar experience they've been through? I would love to hear your stories.

Thanks!

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Hi Girl,


I read your post and just had to reply. It seems like you are really in love with this guy
and if you feel like he is the one then don't let anybody stop you from waiting. I myself
suffer severe depression my boyfriend, brother, and three friends died recently and i can see where he is coming from. I will be hard hun but i promise things will fall into place. The thing you can do to help is just support him and always be there. I went through a similar phase as him and i am still working on it. It's kind of hard to explain it is like problem after problem and you feel stuck. I don't know if he has flashbacks but they are the worst because you can have them at any time it will make you go from happy and laughing to just wanting to cry in a matter of seconds. You sound like a great girl and i really believe things will work out for you. He will have his good days and some bad but it will get easy. Maybe he will even let you come along to one or two sessions with his psychiatrist. To help you see deeper into the problem, therapists are good with those things because they ask the unthinkable. I actually brought my mom to one of my sessions and she saw a whole different aspect to my problems. I really wish the best for you and though it will be a long road, i hope it will be a smooth one!

L:o

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lmarS

Hi Girl,


I read your post and just had to reply. It seems like you are really in love with this guy
and if you feel like he is the one then don't let anybody stop you from waiting. I myself
suffer severe depression my boyfriend, brother, and three friends died recently and i can see where he is coming from. I will be hard hun but i promise things will fall into place. The thing you can do to help is just support him and always be there. I went through a similar phase as him and i am still working on it. It's kind of hard to explain it is like problem after problem and you feel stuck. I don't know if he has flashbacks but they are the worst because you can have them at any time it will make you go from happy and laughing to just wanting to cry in a matter of seconds. You sound like a great girl and i really believe things will work out for you. He will have his good days and some bad but it will get easy. Maybe he will even let you come along to one or two sessions with his psychiatrist. To help you see deeper into the problem, therapists are good with those things because they ask the unthinkable. I actually brought my mom to one of my sessions and she saw a whole different aspect to my problems. I really wish the best for you and though it will be a long road, i hope it will be a smooth one!


L:o

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Thank you so much for your response Imar! Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we decided to break up, and both of us are slowly starting to adjust to life and refocusing on ourselves. We spent this past Friday together, staying out late, chatting, joking and laughing (as usual) and he opened up a little bit about his therapy sessions. He seems to really like the woman he's been talking to, and loves how she can give him her "outside" opinion and thoughts. He mentioned how she "calls him out" on a lot of his actions and always continues to bring the focus back to HIM and what made HIM do a particular action, or how did it make HIM feel. You can tell he's really trying to focus on himself and reevaluate his strength and goals in life... I really hope and pray for the best! I love him so much.

So... I've really tried to give him his space, we used to talk multiple times a day and see each other almost everyday for a year. We've been broken up since June 2nd... every couple of days we hang out, catch up, joke around and laugh like nothings changed. Visiting our usual hangout spots and acting like nothing is different... except we go home to our separate houses. Its really starting to wear on me... sometimes all I want to do is just lean in and kiss him! Or hold him in my arms. :( Today we spent 12 hours together! Working out together, breakfast, lunch, yard sales, went to the movies, shopping etc. He's still flirty... I don't even know what to think anymore. I miss him.