Ask Me Help Desk - Is this dating or what?

Ok guys I am back. I met a man online May 11. We emailed every day and talked each day for hours. We finally met May 19. We both liked each other. He then asked me over for a ballgame, stayed with him-no sex(we each want to wait) Then last week I was at the beach and I called him and said if he wanted to meet me-he did then back to his place-played pool, had a great time-got into the heavy petting but stopped(he said we need to know each other longer and I agree) I am off this weekend and he knows but when he emailed me today-he said doing chores,watching Twins,Lemans race then bed-never asked me to join him today ot tomorrow. I have a great time with him, we laugh,play pool,watch movies,listen to music and we are very much alike in everything.(I was married 26 years and he has never been-both 49) I called and left a message saying if you want you are more than welcome to come by-he won't because of all the sports he likes to watch. I just thought I would be nice and invite. We live 50 miles apart and he works during the week and I weekends-bu this one weekend I am off. Am I assuming too much-if he likes me wouldn't he want to see me maybe once a week. I hope a guy doesn't mind being asked over(never seen my place) I don't know what to think-he emails me 4-5 times perday, calls me 1-2 times per day talk for 2-6 hours. What am I doing wrong here? We both like each other-he has told me he likes me. I just thought a guy would want to see you little more if he could. Should I ask him what's up here or what-don't know what to do. My counselor says guy his age never married a red flag and he thought he might want to see me more-, but enjoy. How do you enjoy when I hardley ever see him?

Yes, you've been dating and you're in a relationship.

There's no reason why you can't see other people though, especially since you haven't gotten too serious yet. There may be someone who lives closer and is more open to spending quality time with you as well as taking things slowly, that seems to be what you want. Until you're sure this man really wants you and cares deeply about you... enough to spend your free weekends together... then maybe you should keep your options open.

You seem to move rather fast, when someone pays you some attention. I really think backing away, and getting a better balance with the guys would be a better option.

Many of us, when we meet someone, spend a lot of time at first, and then it calms down somewhat. That's pretty typical, and life does get in the way after a while

Are you dating yes, but its only been a month, and way to soon to get hopes up, or try to figure why a stranger does what they do. Especially since a 49 year old bachelor probably has many females he dates from time, to time, and is looking for more dates. (you found him on line)

Your not exclusive, and don't expect to be, so don't tie up all your feelings with him, and NO, this is not a relationship. So don't stop looking for others to have fun, and date.

You are dating, but he may well be also dating someone else. Unless there was some promise or commitment there is no reason he can not be dating two or three other people.

So perhaps he had other plans for this time.

Also at 49 and never married ( has he lived with anyone ) he may not be looking for a commitment and want his free time as his.

Thanks for the info. I try not to want to spend time with the person, but I guess I assumed in order to get to know each other seeing each other once per week was no biggie. We talk a lot on the phone-but I guess I assumed since we both had time we could get together.(he works during the week and I only weekends so being free this weekend)Well I assume wrong. Guess just go with the flow of things call, email and see where it goes. Maybe he is looking, but he says no he is not. We are both off line now.(and I met his friends and they told me he hasn't had a girlfriend in over a year-like he said, and just doesn't seem to go out with women) And he had said lets see where this goes. So back away and see where it goes but enjoy what I have with him in the meantime.

Fr Chuck, He says he is not into dating anyone else and he told that's the truth-one person at a time he has said-not several and I am the same way. Well his plans were a ballgame, race on TV and pool with the guys possibly and I understand that. I didn't ask to come over or even suggest-just told him to have a great day and enjoy himself. Never married but did live with someone so red flag there. So I am going to just email and call like he does and hope once in awhile to get together. Is there anything wrong with wanting to see him once in awhile-like to know him more and he said he likes me and mails and calls for hours at times. I understand the freetime-but we had both talked that we were looking for someone to share our life with-talked a lot on the phone about that. Thanks I will be patient and enjoy what I have with him.

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So I am going to just email and call like he does and hope once in awhile to get together.

"I met a man online May 11", so its only been a month, and a few days that you've known each other and you have already gotten electronically connected. Thats understandable, but the draw back of dating one person at a time, is the attachment you form that has to be balanced, by more than just work and obligations. I think another outlet that you enjoy is needed.

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Is there anything wrong with wanting to see him once in awhile-like to know him more and he said he likes me and mails and calls for hours at times.

There is nothing wrong with that at all, but the other person has to agree with that thinking, or its unrealistic to expect it. You have to adjust your thinking to be more reasonable with what he wants to.

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I understand the free time-but we had both talked that we were looking for someone to share our life with-talked a lot on the phone about that.

Then you better be very patient and see how things go with realistic expectations and be in no hurry just to make what you want in the long term happen any time soon, there is no hurry.

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Well his plans were a ballgame, race on TV and pool with the guys possibly and I understand that.

It should tell you something he has other fun interests in his life, and that's good in my opinion, and I think you should take note of it, and do the same.

I only assume you don't as I really don't know, and I apologize for presuming.

Thanks for that. Yes he does have other interests as I do all during the week-my time off. He also likes to be by himself and I do at times, but not all the time. I guess I assume that 2 people will want to get to know each other if the they have some time and intested. I take it he's interested-told me he liked me, calls me alot-so I guess take it one day at a time and see what happens. And enjoy the time we do spend together which we have a blast when we are together. Thank you.